True Story...

[Peter Grove]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. Now that can’t be a coincidence can it?

 

[santa sangria]

Did you know the CEO of Ikea is the new Prime Minister for Sweden?

Wow, what’s he doing now?

He’s assembling his cabinet.

 

[Kes]

I've just started a new job as a human chess piece.

The money's not bad. I'm on knights this week.

 

[Kes]

I was quietly watching some vintage porn last night when my wife suddenly walked in.

It was quite a shock - I had no idea she'd worked in the porn industry ... !!

 

[Peter Grove]

I tried calling the tinnitus helpline today, but to no avail.

It just kept ringing.

 

[Viridis1886]

I just tried to Google "Missing medieval servant".

Page not found.

 

[Kes]

I've just bought some state of the art garden shears.

Apparently they're the very latest in cutting hedge technology.

 

[one]

What do you call a dad who is not good at Dad jokes? Faux pas

 

[one]

Wel.. that was self destructive

 

[RefereeX]

I started a new job as a roofer today and very nearly got the sack for masturbating on the job. Luckily my boss said we could wipe the slate clean…

 

[one]

Can the admins add a cringe emoji to the available emojis please.

 

[RefereeX]

My local circus held a competition to find the best contortionist, so I entered myself… and won.

 

[Pwizardo]

My local circus held a competition to find the best contortionist, so I entered myself… and won.

Is that what led to the awkward conversation with your boss too?

 

[one]

I went to my son's room and told him masturbating can make you go blind. "I'm over here dad" he said.

 

[Peter Grove]

 

[Kes]

I had a bet on three horses today called Sunshine, Moonlight and Good Times. Not one of them won.

I blame it on the bookie.

 

[RefereeX]

I had a bet on three horses today called Sunshine, Moonlight and Good Times. Not one of them won.

I blame it on the bookie.

My daughter is in panto this year and that joke is actually in their pantomime, therefore I declare that either you are really named Buttons, not Kes or this is indeed NOT a true story...

 

[Kes]

My daughter is in panto this year and that joke is actually in their pantomime, therefore I declare that either you are really named Buttons, not Kes or this is indeed NOT a true story...

You choose.

 

[Pwizardo]

My daughter is in panto this year and that joke is actually in their pantomime, therefore I declare that either you are really named Buttons, not Kes or this is indeed NOT a true story...

Oh no she isn't....

 

[RefereeX]

Oh no she isn't....

You're correct actually, she isn't...

OH YES SHE IS