True Story...

[RefereeX]

People tend to be shocked when they find out I’m a terrible electrician…

 

[JamesL]

Couldn't get my motorbike to start... It was two tyred

 

[RefereeX]

I got stuck in a lift again this morning. From now on I'm going to take steps to avoid them!

 

[FirsFox40]

After my last observation I’ve decided to swap football for bobsleigh. It’s all downhill from here.

 

[JamesL]

I know this @one person. I met him on the internet

(I don't really know him )

 

[one]

I know this @one person. I met him on the internet

(I don't really know him )

This is a terrible joke but @one laughed the most at

This is actually true. A colleague of mine's name is Juan. We often play UNO at lunchtime at work. No prizes for guessing the joke when he wins a game. Juan won one. He loves all the 'one' jokes we give him.

 

[Peter Grove]

When I worked at the United Nations, I was once asked to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine.

After thinking about it for a while, I called him up and said, "I'm sorry Kofi, the only one I can think of right now is 'oceanic'."

 

[Viridis1886]

When I worked at the United Nations, I was once asked to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine.

After thinking about it for a while, I called him up and said, "I'm sorry Kofi, the only one I can think of right now is 'oceanic'."

That was a bit too complicated to process on a Sunday morning.

Ervy llew node. Pot skram.

 

[santa sangria]

When I worked at the United Nations, I was once asked to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine.

After thinking about it for a while, I called him up and said, "I'm sorry Kofi, the only one I can think of right now is 'oceanic'."

I so came to post this one!

 

[one]

The inventor of anagram died last week.

Spoiler: In his memory

May he 'erect a penis'.

 

[Tealeaf]

A referee will give a decision accurately and in accordance with a law change for this season, and pundits will tear them apart for it, because they’re not up to speed.

 

[FirsFox40]

View attachment 7434

A referee will give a decision accurately and in accordance with a law change for this season, and pundits will tear them apart for it, because they’re not up to speed.

100% guaranteed first DOGSO handball yellow.

 

[Viridis1886]

My uncle's employer has told him he needs to get the company logo stamped onto his penis. He's refused. Apparently it's just another diktat.

 

[santa sangria]

Doctor, my daughter has been eating electrical cords!

Ground her until she conducts herself properly.

 

[Kes]

During my wife's rather difficult labour in the maternity room, the midwife turned to me and said "Have you considered anaesthesia?"

"No thanks, I replied. We've decided on "Sally".

 

[Peter Grove]

I once had a peanut stuck in my ear. I poured in some melted chocolate and it came out a Treat!

 

[one]

How did you manage to get a peanut stuck in your ear?

 

[Peter Grove]

How did you manage to get a peanut stuck in your ear?

I guess you had to have lived in the UK (or a few other countries in Europe) in the 60's - 80's to get this one.

"Treets were a brand of confectionery sold by Mars Limited in the UK, Italy, France, Germany, Belgium and the Netherlands.

The original product consisted of peanuts coated in milk chocolate with an outer shell of dark brown glazed candy, and appeared in the UK in the 1960s"

 

[santa sangria]

I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship, but I bottled it.


(Shamelessly stolen)

 

[one]

(Shamelessly stolen)

You mean pirated.