A&H

True Story...

A bloke rang me up the other night, quite stuffy, affected voice, confused me at the time. He started blithering on: “I’m the dandy highwayman that you’re too scared to mention, I spend my cash on looking flash and grabbing your attention.” I tried to tell him he had the wrong number but he was adamant.
 
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The Referee Store
At my wedding, my best man stood up to do his speech and said just one word "Proliferation" before sitting back down.

"Thanks, I said, - that means a lot ....
 
I set a new personal best for the 100 metres this morning.

62 metres. :D
 
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Before phoning the police to tell them you have a kangaroo in your garden, just double check to make sure it's not next door's greyhound taking a dump ... :D
 
My wife just phoned me and the conversation went like this!..

Her: "You know that Gladiator movie that I got you?"
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "Well, wind it forward one hour, 16 mins and 28 seconds."
Me: "Right, I've done that"
Her: "Okay, you see the gladiator at the front fighting the lion!"
Me: "I can see that, yeah."
Her: "Just behind him, there are two gladiators having a sword fight with each other!"
Me: Okay, I see them."
Her: "Well, behind them two, on the left hand side of the screen, there's a woman gladiator holding a spear."
Me: "Yes! I can see her!"
Her: Right..! Those are the Sandals I want for my birthday.

:rolleyes: :D
 
So I recently developed a strange fear related to carpooling.

I'm afraid that we'll get stuck in a tunnel and with all the people in the car, I won't be able to get out.

I'm not sure but I think I'm suffering from carpool tunnel syndrome.
 
So I recently developed a strange fear related to carpooling.

I'm afraid that we'll get stuck in a tunnel and with all the people in the car, I won't be able to get out.

I'm not sure but I think I'm suffering from carpool tunnel syndrome.
I have a similar problem regarding unprovoked attacks in multistorey car parks.

It's just wrong on so many levels.
 
I'm off shopping later. Does anyone know where I can get camouflage trousers? I looked the other day but couldn't find any.
 
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They all laughed at me when I said I would grow up to tell jokes on a referee forum.

Well…

They’re not laughing now!
 
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