True Story...

[Kes]

I have a mate called Peter who's really short and works as a baker.

The other day, he was telling me all about baking flatbreads.

It was fascinating.

I love the Pita patter of tiny Pete.

 

[Kes]

BREAKING NEWS.

Covid Police have fined Leeds United £500 for making an unnecessary trip to Crawley.

 

[Peter Grove]

I told my wife I was making a bicycle out of spaghetti, but she didn't believe me.

Until I rode pasta.

 

[Peter Grove]

The self-deprecation society is taking applications for new members.

I've already put myself down.

 

[Kes]

I see that Phil Spector has died.

An interesting snippet of information (and not many people knew this it seems) is that his younger brother "Crispin" used to be head of Quality Assurance at Walkers.

 

[Peter Grove]

To the thief who stole my anti-depressants.


I hope you're happy.

 

[Peter Grove]

I've got some racing geese for sale. They're available for viewing, so let me know if you want a quick gander.

 

[Peter Grove]

I had this morbidly obese parrot that liked to perch on top of my head. Sadly, he just died after a long illness.

I was upset of course but still, it was a huge weight off my mind.

 

[Kes]

My mate was telling me yesterday about how he'd recently failed his exam in Aboriginal Music.

I asked him, "Did ya re-do it?"

 

[Kes]

For any fans of ZZ Top ...

 

[Kes]

Struggling to get your lizard up in the morning?


You may have a reptile dysfunction.

 

[Kes]

The Liverpudlian who invented the bullet proof vest died today.

R.I.P Kev lah....

 

[one]

A bold guy, new in town, goes into bar. A regular joker in the bar decides to have some fun at the expense of the new guy.

The regular walks to the bold guy, rubs his head and says, "it feels just like my wife's butt". The bold guy takes a look at the joker, rubs his own head and says, "you know, it does feel just like your wife's butt".

 

[one]

If the leader of a kingdom is a king, leader of a empire is a emperor, leader of a principality is a prince, what do you call the leader of a country?

 

[JamesL]

If the leader of a kingdom is a king, leader of a empire is a emperor, leader of a principality is a prince, what do you call the leader of a country?

A count?

 

[one]

A count?

Say that loud the same way you pronounce country. Hope your family is not sitting around.

 

[JamesL]

Say that loud the same way you pronounce country. Hope your family is not sitting around.

I got the joke...

 

[Kes]

A bold guy, new in town,

The regular walks to the bold guy, The bold guy takes a look at the joker,

bold
adjective
1.
(of a person, action, or idea) showing a willingness to take risks; confident and courageous.
"a bold attempt to solve the crisis"

bald
adjective
1.
having a scalp wholly or partly lacking hair.

Have a word with yourself fella!! Shocking!!

Standards ain't just something the Romans carried you know ....

 

[one]

bold
adjective
1.
(of a person, action, or idea) showing a willingness to take risks; confident and courageous.
"a bold attempt to solve the crisis"

bald
adjective
1.
having a scalp wholly or partly lacking hair.

Have a word with yourself fella!! Shocking!!

Standards ain't just something the Romans carried you know ....

Made you smile in more ways than one. Exceeded expectations.

 

[Kes]

Made you smile in more ways than one. Exceeded expectations.

Smile??

Grimace more like ...