True Story...

[Sheffields Finest]

 

[Sheffields Finest]

Jim fixed it!

 

[Peter Grove]

How do Flat Earthers travel the world?

On a plane.

 

[Peter Grove]

I went on a "once in a lifetime" holiday last year.

Never again.

 

[Peter Grove]

Accordion to a new survey, random musical instruments are being put into sentences without people noticing.

 

[Peter Grove]

My wife said to me, "I think we’d have less arguments if you weren’t so pedantic."
So I told her, “I think you mean fewer.”

 

[Peter Grove]

I've always liked butterflies.

I have to say though, they're not what they used to be.

 

[Peter Grove]

I was watching an Australian cookery show the other day and the audience applauded when the chef made pavlova.

I was surprised. Australians normally boo meringue.

 

[Kes]

Mountains aren't just funny.

They're hill areas.

 

[Kes]

I bought my first ever dog from a blacksmith.

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door...

 

[Peter Grove]

I had nightmares last night because I ate too much liquorice before I went to bed!

Oh yeah, what did you dream about?

Allsorts!!!

 

[Peter Grove]

I saw a great Lord of the Rings-themed pinball machine the other day. It didn’t accept coins though, only Tolkeins.

 

[Tealeaf]

Jack Grealish has been called up to the England squad. Fans and critics alike expect him to fall flat.

 

[Tealeaf]

Furious sheepdogs demanded action today after thousands of ewes flocked together in the Peak District for the Ban Collie Day.

 

[Kes]

There's a bloke on my Facebook page calling himself Buster, who keeps sending me loads & loads of videos of the 1970's group,The Sweet. It's all rather tiresome now. I've tried blocking his posts but they still keep coming.
Does anyone know a way? There's got to be a way, to block Buster.

 

[Deborah3]

I need a bit of advice please...How long does it take to repair a hearing aid? I sent mine away for repair last week and i've heard nothing since!

 

[Peter Grove]

I watched that documentary about people who feel the need to deny ownership of hot drinks and I have to say it wasn't my cup of tea.

 

[Tealeaf]

Oh no it won’t!

 

[Peter Grove]

So they did a survey to find out what kind of music wind turbines like.

It turns out they're huge metal fans.

 

[Kes]

A Dutch gentleman walks into a pet shop in Amsterdam and says to the owner that he'd like to buy a cat.

"Of course Sir, says the owner, we have lots of cats. What particular breed were you after? We have pedigree cats and mixed breed".

"Pedigree cats? enquired the gentleman. I wasn't aware we even had any pedigree cats in Holland".

"Oh yes Sir, replied the owner. For instance, we have the Groningen Ginger, the Rotterdam Rouge-hair, the Arnhem Blue and many more. These are obviously quite rare now though because of cross-breeding and so forth and so breeds like these are very much in demand and rather expensive.

"Hmmmm, says the gentleman, well I can't really afford a pure pedigree but obviously I'm keen on maintaining out national identity and heritage as much as I can."

"Tell me, he said, gesturing back towards to entrance door ....







"How Dutch is that moggie in the window?".