The Ref Stop

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The Ref Stop
Yorkshire Weather Forecast 2018

Jan - Cowd
Feb - Still Cowd
Mar - Still Cowd But Wi Snow
Apr - Rain
May - More Rain
Jun - Pissin It Darn
Jul - Ova Cast
Aug - Odd warm day n Rain
Sep - Remember That Warm Day
Oct - Cowd n Rain
Nov - Cowd
Dec - Cowd
 
A women walks into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot."What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only £20.""Why is it so cheap?" the woman asks."Well", replies the assistant, "It used to live in a brothel and as aresult its language is a touch wild and fruity.""Oh, I don't mind that," said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot." So saying she buys the parrot and takes him home.Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman. "Fiick me, a new brothel and a new madam.""I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel," scolds the woman trying not to laugh. A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home."Un-****ing-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes," says the parrot when he sees the daughters."Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes." complained the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet. A short while later, the woman's husband, Dave, comes home."In-****ing-credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients.... How ya doin', Dave?"
 
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A guys friend dies and he inherits his parrot. As soon as the guy brings the parrot home, it starts swearing at him calling him a dumb c*nt, a f*kn a$$ole and so on. Whatever the guy does, he can't stop the parrot swearing. As a last ditch effort he sticks the parrot in the freezer. Even from in there the parrot keeps swearing. But all of sudden it stops. The guy thinks, oh sh!t, I killed the him. He opens the freezer door and the parrot hops out and says "Sorry sir for being so rude to you before. I just have one question if you can answer please; what did the chicken do?"
 
After some of my refereeing performances the temperature in the stadium would alway rise!!! Thats when all the fans left in disgust!!!
 
I played our wedding video backwards yesterday. It really cheered me up to see how I take the ring off my wife’s finger, get out of the church and go drinking with my mates.
 
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Big Ron Atkinson gets a letter delivered to his house..
Opens it and it's an electricity bill for £27,000 forwarded on from Sheffield Wednesday Football Club..
He rings the club "I think there's been a mistake, you sent me a bill but i haven't worked for you for years!"
"No Ron sorry, but there’s no mistake. You were the last person in the trophy room in 1991 and you left the facking lights on!".. :rolleyes:
 
Sheffields Finest said:
Big Ron Atkinson gets a letter delivered to his house..
Opens it and it's an electricity bill for £27,000 forwarded on from Sheffield Wednesday Football Club..
He rings the club "I think there's been a mistake, you sent me a bill but i haven't worked for you for years!"
"No Ron sorry, but there’s no mistake. You were the last person in the trophy room in 1991 and you left the facking lights on!".. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
I take it you are a blade then!!!
 
Julie Andrews, former actress and until recently the commercial "face" of Rimmel Cosmetics, has announced she will longer be doing adverts for their products.
Whilst trying out a new and soon to-be-launched amazingly coloured lipstick, she claimed that not only did she not like the colour, but that it was crumbly and broke off too easily in use, and that it also actually made her lips/mouth smell bad.

When quizzed about her decision, she claimed (and I quote)

"The super-coloured fragile lipstick gives me halitosis". :rolleyes: :D
 
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of blisters on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
 
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