My first taste of aggressive verbal abuse!

[Deleted member 3014]

Ran the line today & two mins into the game I had an associate of one of the teams come up to me & call me a cheating C*nt, he got around 2ft away from me & said your a F*cking *****!

This was 2mins into the game & over a simple throw in that the ref and the rest of pitch were in agreement with my signal anyway so totally uncalled for and odd to say the least.

Anyway what happened next will possibly surprise some of you & I fully expect many of you on here to say I was wrong etc, I won’t respond to your opinions as I’m not on here to argue with fellow referee’s I’m on here for advice if anything.

What happened next is I lost my sh*t and nearly took his head off his shoulders, he verbally abused me from 2ft away I’m now face to face with him giving it back, I won’t repeat what I said, to say he was shocked is an understatement he completely sh*t himself and shrunk like a dead flower, which was a blessing from god because had he of wanted it without doubt 100% we would have been fighting.

Anyway After players and the referee stepped in the situation calmed down and he eventually moved round to other side of the pitch, the game itself was a bit naughty, 4 pens yellows verbal etc etc.

After the game after I’d calmed down after the dust had settled, I went and spoke to him and he appologised for starting it and talking to me the way he did, I shook his hand and said it’s the hardest job in the world without being abused after two mins, we kissed and made up (not literally) and that was that.

So basically it was an unpleasant experience & one that I’d rather not face again, off the field I get on with most people and never have confrontation in every day life, but if someone steps to me showing aggression I’ll switch weather I’m in a referee klit or not, it’s human nature if I feel threatened I’ll react!

So I here referee horror story’s on a regular basis and how the attackers never get punished or punished lightly, how teams managers get away with abuse etc. That’s not me, I’m not paid thousands with security around me like EPL officials I’m on my own on a park pitch!

Half way through the first half I thought F*ck this I’m done after this game I’m not getting up on a Sunday morning to deal with this sh*t!

Anyway now I’m home and chilled and put the wrongs right after the game I’m over it and can’t wait to ref again and get off the bloody line, three lines in one week!!!!

I don’t want this situation to repeat itself again but at the same time im on my own on a park pitch with someone in my face exactly the same thing will happen again I can assure you, the only thing I can think of doing is trying my hardest to speak to the person in a polite manner with the ref next to me & if it happens after that who knows, I can deal with verbals on the sidelines I can put up with comments etc but walk upto me practicly In my face and I’ll react for the worst.

IM NOT PROUD OF MY REACTION I WISH IT NEVER HAPPPENED, I APPOLOGISED TO THE REFEREE, IM PROUD TO WEAR A REFEREES SHIRT & TAKE PRIDE IN WHAT I DO, HOPEFULLY THERE IS ANOTHER WAY I CAN LEARN TO DEAL WITH A SIMILAR SITUATION, BUT IM HUMAN AND WONT BE THE NEXT VICTIM REPORT THAT LANDS ON THE FA’s DESK MONDAY MORNING!

The team in question have history with similar situations, he started on the wrong person & hopefully he’ll think twice next time before abusing an official.

I saw the ugly side of grass roots football today after two mins of play and I’m angry and a bit p*ssed off that i was part of it.

 

[one]

There will be plenty of advice here on how not to respond to spectators.

Do you think you would have had the same sort of reaction if a player who had lost his shi*t attacked you in a similar way or worse?

What is worrying is that you "lost your sh*t". Controlled anger or aggression as a referee is a good tool to have. It would mean you have the ability show authority but to ease or walk away if it was getting out of hand. Your reaction comes from being a player for many years. It will take many years of refereeing to give you mastery of controlling your emotions on the field. Of course it has to be part of your personality as well. Collina was the best at it . If you are enjoying refereeing and are serious about continuing you must learn the 'refereeing' mentality.

You may be lucky and this may not have any consequences for you. On the other hand if it is reported, it could be weeks of suspension and if there was any physical altercations, it could go up to to years.

 

[Dan1882]

He was sent off for this right?

I understand it got your back up but you have to bite your tongue.

Stay calm. Don't rise to it. On the rare occasions when I get OFFINABUS language I switch off from listening. My mind is made up, he's just put his team down to 10 men. The moment he stops to breathe I ask his name and let him know that he won't be taking any further part in the proceedings.

 

[Deleted member 3014]

Exactly the sort of reaction I thought I’d get I shouldn’t have posted it tbh, the fella was practically in my face shouting abuse and yet you’ve turned it round onto me & mentioned suspensions etc on my part, unbelievable. & as highlighted in the media recently officials don’t get the protection they deserve, cases put infront of the local FA’s are dealt with like a joke, nothing ever happens to the attackers or abusers, I can see why with your mentality.

So you suggest that as an official running the line I should allow a club official to aggressively and verbally abuse me face to face on the line for 90mins?

Had a player done the same thing it would have been down to the referee to send him off and I wouldn’t have said a word unless he got in my face and then again I probably would have reacted but in all honesty I think had it been a player I’d probably have reacted differently.

The team have a reputation local papers court etc all regarding this amature side albeit a premier div very good amature side, if they want to file a report regarding one of there coaches / associates abusing an official then so be it, id rather be banned for life for sticking up for and protecting myself than take abuse in my face. Anyway it got dealt with it’s another reason why I said I hate the poxy line, your seen as sh*t on the bottom of someone’s shoe, I can’t think of a worse way to be involved in football than to be a Lino.

 

[Deleted member 3014]

He was sent off for this right?

I understand it got your back up but you have to bite your tongue.

Stay calm. Don't rise to it. On the rare occasions when I get OFFINABUS language I switch off from listening. My mind is made up, he's just put his team down to 10 men. The moment he stops to breathe I ask his name and let him know that he won't be taking any further part in the proceedings.

No he was manager / associate of the team a spectator not a player & I was the Lino.

 

[zarathustra]

People arent turning this around onto you, they’re telling you the truth. We aren’t here to wrap you in cotton wool.

You were absolutely 100% in the wrong when you reacted the way you did. That’s not to say his behaviour was acceptable.

Why didn’t you just call the referee over and have him removed?

 

[Deleted member 3014]

People arent turning this around onto you, they’re telling you the truth. We aren’t here to wrap you in cotton wool.

You were absolutely 100% in the wrong when you reacted the way you did. That’s not to say his behaviour was acceptable.

Why didn’t you just call the referee over and have him removed?

Remove the geezer... he was two feet away from me & then face to face, both his feet were standing on the line that I’m supposed to be running. It happened so quickly the ref ran over with players & it calmed down.

I’m not asking to be wrapped in cotton wool I expected this response dunno why i bothered posting tbh.

I ran the line yesterday 120 mins semi final, got called every name under the sun from a distance, water off a ducks back.. go out of your way to confront me face to face and abuse me you’ll be lucky if your not leaving the pitch in an ambulance referee kit or not i couldn’t give a f*ck!

 

[one]

Exactly the sort of reaction I thought I’d get I shouldn’t have posted it tbh, the fella was practically in my face shouting abuse and yet you’ve turned it round onto me & mentioned suspensions etc on my part, unbelievable. & as highlighted in the media recently officials don’t get the protection they deserve, cases put infront of the local FA’s are dealt with like a joke, nothing ever happens to the attackers or abusers, I can see why with your mentality.

So you suggest that as an official running the line I should allow a club official to aggressively and verbally abuse me face to face on the line for 90mins?

Had a player done the same thing it would have been down to the referee to send him off and I wouldn’t have said a word unless he got in my face and then again I probably would have reacted but in all honesty I think had it been a player I’d probably have reacted differently.

The team have a reputation local papers court etc all regarding this amature side albeit a premier div very good amature side, if they want to file a report regarding one of there coaches / associates abusing an official then so be it, id rather be banned for life for sticking up for and protecting myself than take abuse in my face. Anyway it got dealt with it’s another reason why I said I hate the poxy line, your seen as sh*t on the bottom of someone’s shoe, I can’t think of a worse way to be involved in football than to be a Lino.

I posted my thoughts with the best of intentions. Should have used some emojis to sugar coat it or at least shown there was no finger pointing in my post.

Get the guy on here and i will show you what i think of him. However he is not here and you are. I see someones who has started the same journey as i am on. I am giving you the best and most honest advise I can to help you for helping. Take it or leave it whichever you you like. I wont mind either way.

 

[Trip]

two mins into the game I had an associate of one of the teams come up to me & call me a cheating C*nt, he got around 2ft away from me & said your a F*cking *****!

Did you tell the referee what he said? If so, he should have been dismissed and had a misconduct report submitted, following which he would in all likelyhood have been suspended for a few matches.

As referees we have a responsibility to each other. Losing your temper with a club official instead of dealing with the situation properly affects other match officials. Next week's lino will have the same guy to deal with.

 

[zarathustra]

Remove the geezer... he was two feet away from me & then face to face, both his feet were standing on the line that I’m supposed to be running. It happened so quickly the ref ran over with players & it calmed down.

I’m not asking to be wrapped in cotton wool I expected this response dunno why i bothered posting tbh.

I ran the line yesterday 120 mins semi final, got called every name under the sun from a distance, water off a ducks back.. go out of your way to confront me face to face and abuse me you’ll be lucky if your not leaving the pitch in an ambulance referee kit or not i couldn’t give a f*ck!

Yes, if the referee removed him or had him removed then he could have been reported to the FA (if a manager etc) or the club could have been reported (if he was a spectator).

You always do this, post something, then when everyone points out you were wrong you start whinging about how you never should have posted it.

If you knew what we were all going to say, and you knew you didn’t want to hear it, then why did you post it, and if you don’t want to be wrapped in cotton wool, what responses would you have liked to have received?

 

[Deleted member 3014]

I posted my thoughts with the best of intentions. Should have used some emojis to sugar coat it or at least shown there was no finger pointing in my post.

Get the guy on here and i will show you what i think of him. However he is not here and you are. I see someones who has started the same journey as i am on. I am giving you the best and most honest advise I can to help you for helping. Take it or leave it whichever you you like. I wont mind either way.

You speak a lot of sense on here and I enjoy your posts, it probably wasn’t the best time for me to post the incident whilst emotions are high, I should have maybe waited a few days.

I here what you say and in the eye of the law I’m just as much in the wrong Aswell, what frustrates me is I wasn’t the instigator, and I don’t think referees get the support and protection they deserve at grass roots level.

 

[Deleted member 3014]

Yes, if the referee removed him or had him removed then he could have been reported to the FA (if a manager etc) or the club could have been reported (if he was a spectator).

You always do this, post something, then when everyone points out you were wrong you start whinging about how you never should have posted it.

If you knew what we were all going to say, and you knew you didn’t want to hear it, then why did you post it, and if you don’t want to be wrapped in cotton wool, what responses would you have liked to have received?

I think I posted this incident on here to soon I maybe should have given it a few days.

You obviously like most local FA’s stand for the motto of get abused say nothing don’t punish them & then go through it all again next wknd.

I’m sorry if I’m not in the members club but I’ll look after myself on a Sunday morning thank you very much.

 

[one]

This may help you with some self reflection. What advise would you give this referee?

 

[NorthLondonRef]

.

 

[Deleted member 3014]

This may help you with some self reflection. What advise would you give this referee?

The two biggest things today were..

I wasn’t the referee and it wasn’t a player.

Had I of had the authority of a referee & had it of been a player that has to respect laws then it would have been a completely different story.

As it was I was alone isolated and it was not a player it triggered me and I’m not sure how I’ll deal with it differently next time I really don’t.

 

[Sheffields Finest]

Well done for fessing up and asking for advice, no matter what happens its probably happened before to others and hopefully you can pull a bit from solid advice given. Certainly happened to me and in all my career I only reacted once, that nearly cost me my head knocked off by a lad 20 years younger and I was in a very bad place!!! Chin up, buckle up for a spanking on here but learn from the experience!!

 

[Deleted member 3014]

I'm with you mate, at least "unofficially". You are human and you reacted in an emotional way when you were in the moment.

I'm not going to be one who tows the official line or tells you to take a certain course of action i.e remaining polite and alerting the referee. I've been a few similar situations and reacted in a similar manner but not so obviously. I remember one similar example on a park pitch at an u16 game with an aggressive parent after the game. I said something along the lines of " Just because I'm wearing this black kit with this whistle doesn't mean you can do xyz and xyz won't happen. Now get out my face and go back over there etc etc".

In depends on the game, what level and where it is but on some occasions the official line just doesn't work. You can raise your flag and speak calmly but you are at risk for violence or/and being spat at like I was as a young referee by an adult. In some situations and if you feel confident in your ability to handle yourself, telling the local lunatic to "fack off, get out of my personal space" is a reasonable reaction in my opinion to nip it in the bud there and then rather than allow it to escalate.

Two mins into the game in my face if i didn’t deal with it I’d have been fecked and abused all game, I’m not hard not in the slightest, I’ve only ever had drunken brawls & the fact I haven’t drunk for 5yrs have a baby I’m never in a situation where violence is involved.

I couldn’t care what colour shirt I have one where I am what time of day it is, get in my face and shout verbal abuse at me and the chances are we’re fighting.

 

[zarathustra]

I think I posted this incident on here to soon I maybe should have given it a few days.

You obviously like most local FA’s stand for the motto of get abused say nothing don’t punish them & then go through it all again next wknd.

I’m sorry if I’m not in the members club but I’ll look after myself on a Sunday morning thank you very much.

Oh stop being a drama queen, where have I said that we should get abused and do nothing about it?

When I receive abuse refereeing, do you know what I do?

Instead of throwing a tantrum like a child I keep my cool, and act in a professional manner.

I refuse to stoop to the level of the Neanderthals that I come into contact with on the football pitch.

I utilise the powers and tools given to me by the FA, and I apply the sanction that I believe is appropriate for the offence.

I then report everything to the FA, and do you know what? This works absolutey fine for me.

 

[RobOda]

You always do this, post something, then when everyone points out you were wrong you start whinging about how you never should have posted it.

Mhmm...

The other thing being completely ignored is that as a referee, you're in a position of authority, and that authority flies out of the window when you rise to do as the players do.

I expect my coppers to be law-abiding when they're arresting me for something. I'd expect a referee to conduct themselves above board as well. Had a referee "lost his ****" and flew into one at me, and then proceeded to send me off for OFFINABUS (or whatever), then well he is a complete hypocrite, never mind that his authority, integrity, professionalism and level-headedness comes under question.

We've had a referee under investigation round here for swearing at the players. The position is one that requires you to behave in a respectful manner, even where you're not being treated in one.

I believe my first post to @Men in Black specifically made reference to making sure you have the right mentality when you're out on the field, because if you're rising to this sort of abuse, then I very much worry what will happen the day you decide to flip your lid and deck a player.

I'm not saying the player is in the right here, far from it. It's disgusting stuff that isn't nice to have to deal with. But that is the key thing, you must deal with it, and you must deal with it in a way a person in a position of authority is expected to do so. We're human, mistakes happen, fine. So learn from this, and consider the future behaviour on the field even under adversary, because this type of thing will happen at some point again, and if you can't cope with that, it is going to be a problem just waiting to happen.

 

[Deleted member 3014]

Oh stop being a drama queen, where have I said that we should get abused and do nothing about it?

When I receive abuse refereeing, do you know what I do?

Instead of throwing a tantrum like a child I keep my cool, and act in a professional manner.

I refuse to stoop to the level of the Neanderthals that I come into contact with on the football pitch.

I utilise the powers and tools given to me by the FA, and I apply the sanction that I believe is appropriate for the offence.

I then report everything to the FA, and do you know what? This works absolutey fine for me.

Great advice and I’ll do exactly the same in that situation apart from in this situation I wasn’t the ref & it wasn’t a player.