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My first taste of aggressive verbal abuse!

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RobOda said:
Mhmm...

The other thing being completely ignored is that as a referee, you're in a position of authority, and that authority flies out of the window when you rise to do as the players do.

I expect my coppers to be law-abiding when they're arresting me for something. I'd expect a referee to conduct themselves above board as well. Had a referee "lost his ****" and flew into one at me, and then proceeded to send me off for OFFINABUS (or whatever), then well he is a complete hypocrite, never mind that his authority, integrity, professionalism and level-headedness comes under question.

We've had a referee under investigation round here for swearing at the players. The position is one that requires you to behave in a respectful manner, even where you're not being treated in one.

I believe my first post to @Men in Black specifically made reference to making sure you have the right mentality when you're out on the field, because if you're rising to this sort of abuse, then I very much worry what will happen the day you decide to flip your lid and deck a player.

I'm not saying the player is in the right here, far from it. It's disgusting stuff that isn't nice to have to deal with. But that is the key thing, you must deal with it, and you must deal with it in a way a person in a position of authority is expected to do so. We're human, mistakes happen, fine. So learn from this, and consider the future behaviour on the field even under adversary, because this type of thing will happen at some point again, and if you can't cope with that, it is going to be a problem just waiting to happen.
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With respect please read my post again, I wasn’t the ref & it wasn’t a player.
 
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Men in Black said:
Great advice and I’ll do exactly the same in that situation apart from in this situation I wasn’t the ref & it wasn’t a player.
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You shouldn't of posted on here mate. What did you expect? Everyone to turn and around and say you should have lamped him.

You dealt with the situation as you felt was necessary. No point asking for advice or retelling the story. When you feel threatened or you feel your safety could be at risk...you do and say what is required.
 
Men in Black said:
Great advice and I’ll do exactly the same in that situation apart from in this situation I wasn’t the ref & it wasn’t a player.
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If the ref didn’t support you then I’d have been having words with them at half time.

Him not being a player doesn’t change anything, you can remove coaches from the vicinity of the field of play, and you can have clubs remove troublesome spectators and report the club for that as well.
 
Men in Black said:
The two biggest things today were..

I wasn’t the referee and it wasn’t a player.

Had I of had the authority of a referee & had it of been a player that has to respect laws then it would have been a completely different story.

As it was I was alone isolated and it was not a player it triggered me and I’m not sure how I’ll deal with it differently next time I really don’t.
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I agree with the differences you pointed out. For me its about the similarities. What you see in the clip should not have happened. What is in the OP should not have happened. You can't control what others do but you can control what you do. I am looking at the similarities and that is loosing control of one's emotions.
 
NorthLondonRef said:
You shouldn't of posted on here mate. What did you expect? Everyone to turn and around and say you should have lamped him.

You dealt with the situation as you felt was necessary. No point asking for advice or retelling the story. When you feel threatened or you feel your safety could be at risk...you do and say what is required.
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Are you for real?

When acting in a professional capacity as a match official you CANNOT ‘lose your sh*t’ because someone upsets you.

If you can’t control your own anger and aggression, how do you expect to control 22 players?
 
Padfoot said:
Are you for real?

When acting in a professional capacity as a match official you CANNOT ‘lose your sh*t’ because someone upsets you.

If you can’t control your own anger and aggression, how do you expect to control 22 players?
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Completely agree with you @Padfoot
 
Also to flip this around; as a referee how would you deal with this scenario?

Obviously you have a possible club official or spectator verbally/physically abusing your NAR but you also have the aggressive reaction of your NAR?
 
NorthLondonRef said:
You shouldn't of posted on here mate. What did you expect? Everyone to turn and around and say you should have lamped him.

You dealt with the situation as you felt was necessary. No point asking for advice or retelling the story. When you feel threatened or you feel your safety could be at risk...you do and say what is required.
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Spot on stupid me. Lesson learnt mate.
 
I can't help but feel had the referee been quicker to act, a situation like this could have been easily avoided.

Having said that, it's imperative you learn to control your anger. Any authority you have goes straight out of the window and the consequences could be even worse than that if you fly off the handle.

Again, another learning experience. Got to learn quickly though.
 
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Padfoot said:
Are you for real?

When acting in a professional capacity as a match official you CANNOT ‘lose your sh*t’ because someone upsets you.

If you can’t control your own anger and aggression, how do you expect to control 22 players?
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With cards, if a payer spat abuse in my face he would leave the field, simple really.
 
alexgr said:
I can't help but feel had the referee been quicker to act, a situation like this could have been easily avoided.

Having said that, it's imperative you learn to control your anger. Any authority you have goes straight out of the window and the consequences could be even worse than that if you fly off the handle.

Again, another learning experience. Got to learn quickly though.
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Tbh it happened so quickly that he didn’t really have time before it got potentially out of hand.

I would take a guess the fella does this every week, this week he did it to the wrong Lino.

Anyway we shook hands after the game he apologised and it’s history, I’ll leave any future MMA Sunday league fights off this forum In future :D
 
Padfoot said:
What did the referee say to you about it?
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Totally backed me, two players that were in the vicinity when it started backed me, they both said the fella walked up to me and started it.

I appologised to the referee & said I lost it, he was completely fine about it, he was ex lev4 and has abnd games himself even a cup final last season for players pushing him.

He got the fella to walk round the other side of the pitch, the fella was used to abusing officials for 90mins, he realised very very quickly with me that he’d done it to the wrong person.

Hopefully he’ll think twice next week before getting in the face of someone who might not have the minerals to give it back.
 
one said:
I agree with the differences you pointed out. For me its about the similarities. What you see in the clip should not have happened. What is in the OP should not have happened. You can't control what others do but you can control what you do. I am looking at the similarities and that is loosing control of one's emotions.
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Haha your clip was a bit extreme come on it was like a comedy sketch.

As a ref you have authority and a degree of respect from the players.

As a Lino you have zero authority & zero respect from anyone.

I’ll certainly give the situation some thought though because it ruined my morning tbh.
 
All I see is the fact you was a lino and not the ref and he was the manager not a player. Both points completely irrelevant.

The manager lost his head. Over stepped a mark big style in way that should never be tolerated. You cant send him away as your not the ref. What you can do is stand your ground, raise your flag and get the ref to deal with it. Any decent ref will back you 110%. You keep your respect, authority and dignity. He is removed, reported by both you and the ref and sanctioned as the FA see fit.

We are on your side. The treatment of officials in that manner is not right and needs dealing with. Theres always a way to deal with it though.

Forget arguing with me and others on here. Go away and think. What did you do? Why did you do it? What should you of done? What will you do differently next time? Simply learn from it. Suck it up and move on learning from mistakes made. The only way to develop is to make mistakes and learn from them. This is no different, although mentallity and instinct is a hard thing to change.
 
Men in Black said:
Totally backed me, two players that were in the vicinity when it started backed me, they both said the fella walked up to me and started it.

I appologised to the referee & said I lost it, he was completely fine about it, he was ex lev4 and has abnd games himself even a cup final last season for players pushing him.

He got the fella to walk round the other side of the pitch, the fella was used to abusing officials for 90mins, he realised very very quickly with me that he’d done it to the wrong person.

Hopefully he’ll think twice next week before getting in the face of someone who might not have the minerals to give it back.
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The referee has let you and every other official on your league down by not binning that guy and making the relevant report to the CFA.

However, I wonder whether by not doing to correct thing and getting rid of him the referee has down you a favour, as the guy is less likely to make a report against you out of spite.

You keep saying the guy wasn’t a player, but he doesn’t have to be to be removed and get reported to the FA.

The referee can remove any coach etc and report them, and like a player they’d need to remove themselves to the changinhig rooms/car park etc, you just can’t show a card.

Spectators are a bit different, the referee wouldn’t speak to them, he would speak to the relevant team and tell them to get rid of the spectator, then you would report this to the FA and the club would face a fine for failing to control their spectators.

Finally, why do you feel that as an assistant you have no authority and no respect?

I’ve done loads of lines at various levels from Sunday League, up to Bostik development and women’s games at county representative level and I’ve never felt like that.
 
Ref Luke 2203 said:
All I see is the fact you was a lino and not the ref and he was the manager not a player. Both points completely irrelevant.

The manager lost his head. Over stepped a mark big style in way that should never be tolerated. You cant send him away as your not the ref. What you can do is stand your ground, raise your flag and get the ref to deal with it. Any decent ref will back you 110%. You keep your respect, authority and dignity. He is removed, reported by both you and the ref and sanctioned as the FA see fit.

We are on your side. The treatment of officials in that manner is not right and needs dealing with. Theres always a way to deal with it though.

Forget arguing with me and others on here. Go away and think. What did you do? Why did you do it? What should you of done? What will you do differently next time? Simply learn from it. Suck it up and move on learning from mistakes made. The only way to develop is to make mistakes and learn from them. This is no different, although mentallity and instinct is a hard thing to change.
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Your probably right but I guess threatened some of us react in different ways.
 
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