New 1st Time Ref 54 Years Old - Advice Please

I am a keen new referee at 54 refereeing junior and adult games. Had my very first 2 this weekend. Sat - Adults, Sun - U12.

My first game I found extremely difficult and found I was constantly questioning my decisions due to player comments to each other and/or me. I felt reluctant to give a Yellow on my first game too. I gave fouls, but in hindsight, a couple should have been yellows. I do not think I used my whistle enough and occasionally had to really think which way was which for signing the correct direction. Players were a bit noisy too, to each other if they made mistakes (swearing too). I got through the game to 3-1 ending and felt a bit disappointed in myself overall. In addition, hearing shouts for Subs was difficult too, any ideas hear would be good too.

I learnt to me more assertive, stand by a decision with more confidence, ignore chatter and use my whistle more.

The Second game on the Sunday U12 game I really enjoyed in comparison to my first Adult game. I was more assertive, confident and relaxed. The game was a bit slower, with no backchat on decisions, I used my whistle more and gave more confident decisions overall to a 12-5 conclusion.

I thought the adult game would have been more enjoyable with less aggravation, due to the players being mature adults with a good knowledge of the game and respect decisions. The reality was, the young adult players will try to get a decision to go there way even if they know its wrong and were not sportsman like at all. This surprised me, I will need to ignore them and stand by my decisions on my next game. My next Adult game is this Saturday ie a week later.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Any advice you can give me will be gratefully recieved. In particular, this may sound dumb, but remembering the teams direction under pressure.

Thank for in advance for any comments that can help me.

All the best
Graham

Reffing is a lot like sports—with experience, the game slows down. And the only way to get that experience is to do games. Adult games are often more chippy. While they are theoretically more mature, they also think they know everything, and you don’t have the adult-child dynamic that can help with control in a kids game. it’s always hard to give the first few cards. It feels like a big deal. One suggestion is to stop thinking of “giving” cards—despite the language I just used myself! We don’t “give” cards; we recognize that a player has earned a card and provide the recognition. Lastly, regardless of how confident you are in a call, act like you are confident. when we look unsure, it encourages players/coaches to “help” us out. Congrats on your first weekend, and go out there and have fun!

Welcome Graham and well done for getting into it! And also well done for taking the time to reflect on your performances, and then post a call for aid on some things, this shows positives in itself!

The directional stuff takes time. It’ll come fairly naturally after a while, but each throw in is different. Sometimes if you know whose ball it is, shouting ‘Blue ball!’ before you’ve got the signal up will add credibility, but also give you a few seconds to think of which way your arm needs to go. It’s your first game… absolutely no need to be too harsh on yourself for that!

As for giving cards, your first one will scream at you. You’ll know you well and truly have no way round giving that card. Once you do that one, the next one becomes a bit easier, then the next one a bit easier again, and so on so forth until you know your way around your notebook!

Unfortunately, as they get older, the grief will only ever get worse. Stick to your guns, trust your gut and know your law! All that will build confidence in you subconsciously, and be displays through your body language, making you look as credible as can be.

I echo what’s been said above, the game slows down before your eyes the more you do. That’s the key - Just keep cracking away, get some games under your belt for experience, and keep coming here if you have any questions.

Well done - hopefully you’ll love it as much as us

Agree with that, it's all about doing games and getting experienced. You're doing the right thing by analysing each game and learning.

Well done Graham for getting out there. I would add the ‘constant moaning & griping’ of players is not often a reflection on how well you are refereeing, these two teams will do the same next week and the week after.

Hopefully you’ll find your next two teams, playing more to the spirit of the game & are more respectful.

As you said, your next game you will implement new things, be more assertive & look more confident, all these things build credibility from the 1st minute to make your job easier for when you need to make a key match decision.

Enjoy the ups & downs of refereeing!

socal lurker said:

Reffing is a lot like sports—with experience, the game slows down. And the only way to get that experience is to do games. Adult games are often more chippy. While they are theoretically more mature, they also think they know everything, and you don’t have the adult-child dynamic that can help with control in a kids game. it’s always hard to give the first few cards. It feels like a big deal. One suggestion is to stop thinking of “giving” cards—despite the language I just used myself! We don’t “give” cards; we recognize that a player has earned a card and provide the recognition. Lastly, regardless of how confident you are in a call, act like you are confident. when we look unsure, it encourages players/coaches to “help” us out. Congrats on your first weekend, and go out there and have fun!

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Great advice . Thank you for taking the time to comment. Graham

george.g said:

Welcome Graham and well done for getting into it! And also well done for taking the time to reflect on your performances, and then post a call for aid on some things, this shows positives in itself!

The directional stuff takes time. It’ll come fairly naturally after a while, but each throw in is different. Sometimes if you know whose ball it is, shouting ‘Blue ball!’ before you’ve got the signal up will add credibility, but also give you a few seconds to think of which way your arm needs to go. It’s your first game… absolutely no need to be too harsh on yourself for that!

As for giving cards, your first one will scream at you. You’ll know you well and truly have no way round giving that card. Once you do that one, the next one becomes a bit easier, then the next one a bit easier again, and so on so forth until you know your way around your notebook!

Unfortunately, as they get older, the grief will only ever get worse. Stick to your guns, trust your gut and know your law! All that will build confidence in you subconsciously, and be displays through your body language, making you look as credible as can be.

I echo what’s been said above, the game slows down before your eyes the more you do. That’s the key - Just keep cracking away, get some games under your belt for experience, and keep coming here if you have any questions.

Well done - hopefully you’ll love it as much as us

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I will trust my gut and stand by it. Thank you for your time. Graham

cooperd5 said:

Agree with that, it's all about doing games and getting experienced. You're doing the right thing by analysing each game and learning.

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Thank you. I will continue to review myself after each game. I asked tge coaches too, I hope that's a good idea. All the best Graham

DJIC said:

Well done Graham for getting out there. I would add the ‘constant moaning & griping’ of players is not often a reflection on how well you are refereeing, these two teams will do the same next week and the week after.

Hopefully you’ll find your next two teams, playing more to the spirit of the game & are more respectful.

As you said, your next game you will implement new things, be more assertive & look more confident, all these things build credibility from the 1st minute to make your job easier for when you need to make a key match decision.

Enjoy the ups & downs of refereeing!

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I am am looking forward with excited nerves for next week, fingers crossed I will implement what I have learned from my mistakes to make less and less each week until I reach zero and full enjoyment of refereeing. Thank you for your time. All the best Graham

Graham B said:

I am am looking forward with excited nerves for next week, fingers crossed I will implement what I have learned from my mistakes to make less and less each week until I reach zero and full enjoyment of refereeing. Thank you for your time. All the best Graham

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Without wishing to put a pin in the bubble. Whilst zero is the target I don't believe that any human has ever achieved it.
Mistakes happen, but they are learning opportunities. Keep going with the self reflection and keep coming back to tell us how you're doing.

JamesL said:

Without wishing to put a pin in the bubble. Whilst zero is the target I don't believe that any human has ever achieved it.
Mistakes happen, but they are learning opportunities. Keep going with the self reflection and keep coming back to tell us how you're doing.

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Will do just got first U15 next Sunday too. Off we go

Graham B said:

Will do just got first U15 next Sunday too. Off we go

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As a relatively new ‘old’ ref myself… Welcome!

Best thing I do now that I didn’t do at the start is I talk a lot more now. I try to give a bit of a running commentary to myself (no foul, accidental, not a handball, etc) which I find gives me confidence in my decision making. Try not to overthink it, your gut instinct is usually correct.

Oh and prepare yourself for the U15s game. It’s a LOT different to U12s. Be prepared for a lot more swearing for starters!

Well done, welcome and I hope you get to enjoy many more matches.

I just turned 50 and I love it. Echoing what was already. More matches. There is only one short cut - run the line - ask to work as an AR and you will get to work and learn from better, more experienced colleagues.

Dealing with dissent and duplicity, as well as the general mental and physical toll, is an incredible challenge. Best of luck to you sir!

DazN said:

As a relatively new ‘old’ ref myself… Welcome!

Best thing I do now that I didn’t do at the start is I talk a lot more now. I try to give a bit of a running commentary to myself (no foul, accidental, not a handball, etc) which I find gives me confidence in my decision making. Try not to overthink it, your gut instinct is usually correct.

Oh and prepare yourself for the U15s game. It’s a LOT different to U12s. Be prepared for a lot more swearing for starters!

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Thank you for your advice. Interesting second weekend ahead. Adults Sat & U15 Sun. I will do my best and hopefully get more things right than wrong all being well. Off I go...All the Best Graham

santa sangria said:

Well done, welcome and I hope you get to enjoy many more matches.

I just turned 50 and I love it. Echoing what was already. More matches. There is only one short cut - run the line - ask to work as an AR and you will get to work and learn from better, more experienced colleagues.

Dealing with dissent and duplicity, as well as the general mental and physical toll, is an incredible challenge. Best of luck to you sir!

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Thank you for your advice and comment. I was Dad liner for quite a bit for my sons teams, now U14 and liked it, got a bit if spectator stick but otherwise enjoyed it. That's what got me interested in refereeing. I did the course end of last year with my son so just getting games now having contacted people etc...Refereeing is much harder than liner I think personally, and adult games are completely new in every way. It's all a massive learning curve for me but I really want to do it and get it right. Hopefully I will get as confident as you over time, experience and fitness too Thanks again Graham

santa sangria said:

Well done, welcome and I hope you get to enjoy many more matches.

I just turned 50 and I love it. Echoing what was already. More matches. There is only one short cut - run the line - ask to work as an AR and you will get to work and learn from better, more experienced colleagues.

Dealing with dissent and duplicity, as well as the general mental and physical toll, is an incredible challenge. Best of luck to you sir!

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Hopefully I will have the resilience for the comments a dealing with difficult situations. Thank you for your comment and time Graham

Graham B said:

got first U15 next Sunday too.

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Beware the hormones!

Good luck Graham, great start.

As everyone has said. You are new and everything is very clunky and difficult at the start, but this needs time.

You mentioned about talking to the coaches/managers for feedback. Absolutely, humanise yourself. Take somethings with a pinch of salt, but 95%+ of grassroot coaches are great people, just nobody likes losing. Listen to what they are saying, some of the best and most accurate feedback has come from coaches.

I always recommend reaching out to your FA with an email asking for a mentor. Just see if you can get one out for one game, to have a watch. It can literally be anyone more experienced than you.

Also something I wish I had done, is pop down and watch another referee (if you have the time). Not one at a higher league or anything, just someone experienced locally. Get involved with your local Referee Association too if it isn't too far away.

OldNavyRef said:

pop down and watch another referee

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This is great advice. My son and I did this and it was really useful. We went and watched some step 6/7 stuff, but that makes chatting with the ref difficult. I'd ask your Appointment Secretary who would be a good person to go and watch. Watching and speaking to other refs is a massive help.

Also, try getting yourself some AR duties in a short while. Being part of a team of 3 is a huge help. As you've done lots of CAR for your kids you will already have a good base to build on. This was my route into refereeing too!

SammyT5 said:

Beware the hormones!

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U15/16 is probably my favourite age group. I do all ages from U13 to Open Age men and women, but probably get the most satisfaction from these.

There's enough spice in the matches to make it genuine refereeing, and you do need to do match control and player management. However there are fewer mind games from the players that you find in adult men that will blatantly try and trick you.