The Ref Stop

"You've ruined the game ref"

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T

The Ginger Ref

Well-Known Member
Level 7 Referee
This is a phrase we’ve all probably heard far too often, and one that I had directed at me this weekend. It's something I've struggled with processing over the past few days.

The situation: I awarded a second penalty to the same team in a U15 boys’ cup semi-final. At the time, the score was already 4-0.

The penalty was scored, and almost immediately, the comments started rolling in from the parents: “You’ve ruined the game, ref!”

By full-time, I had to endure a few sarcastic remarks from some frustrated 14-year-olds, along with the usual classics: “Well done, ref,” “Make sure they pay you,” and “It’s not all about you” from the sidelines and possibly from the losing coach.

I explained to the losing coach that, I had very little room to avoid awarding a penalty as it was clear and obvious (as per the LOTG). It doesn’t help anyone if I ignore a blatant penalty – the defender doesn’t learn from their mistake, and I lose credibility as a referee.

What I wanted to say was... “If you don’t want the game to be refereed according to the LOTG, then let the referee secretary know you’d prefer to handle your own officiating and play by your own ‘rules.’”

I know we often use the phrase "What football expects" here on the forum (and I’m as guilty as anyone of it), but I truly believe football still expects a penalty to be awarded, even with the scoreline at 4-0. This is a cup semi-final, these are 'young adults' who are not far from the adult age group and the game deserves to be treated with the same level of respect and fairness as any other match. (If it was under 11's where it's all about participation, I may have invented some kind of "won the ball" situation.)

This follows a conversation I had with a U14 team just a week ago, where I had to make it clear that, as a referee, I couldn’t care less about who wins or loses. I don’t have a vested interest in the outcome.

After what seemed like a relatively smooth start to my refereeing career, this season is quickly shaping up to be the reality that many referees warn about — a constant stream of abuse, snide remarks, and being blamed as the sole reason for one team's loss.
 
The Ref Stop
The Ginger Ref said:
This is a phrase we’ve all probably heard far too often, and one that I had directed at me this weekend. It's something I've struggled with processing over the past few days.

The situation: I awarded a second penalty to the same team in a U15 boys’ cup semi-final. At the time, the score was already 4-0.

The penalty was scored, and almost immediately, the comments started rolling in from the parents: “You’ve ruined the game, ref!”

By full-time, I had to endure a few sarcastic remarks from some frustrated 14-year-olds, along with the usual classics: “Well done, ref,” “Make sure they pay you,” and “It’s not all about you” from the sidelines and possibly from the losing coach.

I explained to the losing coach that, I had very little room to avoid awarding a penalty as it was clear and obvious (as per the LOTG). It doesn’t help anyone if I ignore a blatant penalty – the defender doesn’t learn from their mistake, and I lose credibility as a referee.

What I wanted to say was... “If you don’t want the game to be refereed according to the LOTG, then let the referee secretary know you’d prefer to handle your own officiating and play by your own ‘rules.’”

I know we often use the phrase "What football expects" here on the forum (and I’m as guilty as anyone of it), but I truly believe football still expects a penalty to be awarded, even with the scoreline at 4-0. This is a cup semi-final, these are 'young adults' who are not far from the adult age group and the game deserves to be treated with the same level of respect and fairness as any other match. (If it was under 11's where it's all about participation, I may have invented some kind of "won the ball" situation.)

This follows a conversation I had with a U14 team just a week ago, where I had to make it clear that, as a referee, I couldn’t care less about who wins or loses. I don’t have a vested interest in the outcome.

After what seemed like a relatively smooth start to my refereeing career, this season is quickly shaping up to be the reality that many referees warn about — a constant stream of abuse, snide remarks, and being blamed as the sole reason for one team's loss.
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Absolutely correct to give a penalty at 4-0. Even at 25-0 I'd still be giving a clear penalty. I might think twice about a SPA caution at 25-0, but 4-0 wouldn't even stop me doing that.
As long as you're a referee you'll receive these remarks. We can deal with them if they're said in the wrong way by the wrong people, but sometimes we just have to let them go over our heads.
It's tough, and you want to bite back, but you can't win an argument against stupid, because stupid will always believe it's correct.
 
Just ignore the parents and coaches, they aren't happy that poor little Timmy gave away a pen in a game they are losing badly. Like it has already been said as long as you think you had a good game, you can ruin all the games you want.
 
RefereeX said:
Absolutely correct to give a penalty at 4-0. Even at 25-0 I'd still be giving a clear penalty. I might think twice about a SPA caution at 25-0, but 4-0 wouldn't even stop me doing that.
As long as you're a referee you'll receive these remarks. We can deal with them if they're said in the wrong way by the wrong people, but sometimes we just have to let them go over our heads.
It's tough, and you want to bite back, but you can't win an argument against stupid, because stupid will always believe it's correct.
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SPA caution on a penalty? I'll presume this was not an attempt for the ball or a deliberate handball...
Id argue, flippantly of course, that a team winning 25-0 is far more likely to have a promising attack starting too 😏

@The Ginger Ref often when we get these remarks, it is not the referee that ruined the game but the players who are trying to pin that on you I usually find are the ones that have ruined the game.

There's a quote I've seen somewhere that essentially says the game is far more enjoyable for everyone (players, spectators, referees) when the referee doesn't need to become involved in the game because the players are playing by the rules.

Essentially when players don't play by the rules our involvements increase and alas the game is less enjoyable for everyone.
 
JamesL said:
SPA caution on a penalty? I'll presume this was not an attempt for the ball or a deliberate handball...
Id argue, flippantly of course, that a team winning 25-0 is far more likely to have a promising attack starting too 😏
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I was talking about an entirely separate, hypothetical incident Mr L (insert eye roll Emoji which I don't have on my work pc and we don't have on the forum's Emojis here)
 
RefereeX said:
I was talking about an entirely separate, hypothetical incident Mr L (insert eye roll Emoji which I don't have on my work pc and we don't have on the forum's Emojis here)
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Please keep posts on topic please 😏🤭
 
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No....the lad that gave away the penalty ruined the game. Although, it was ruined by them already, by the sounds of it
 
I've used the line "I've ruined much better games than this one" before when told I'd ruined the game.

It is a nonsense comment, in this case the penalty decision didn't even affect the game let alone ruin it. And when a refereeing decision has changed the outcome of the game it is almost always the player who has given away the penalty or got himself sent off that has ruined the game, and even then he has only ruined it for one team.
 
RefereeX said:
I was talking about an entirely separate, hypothetical incident Mr L (insert eye roll Emoji which I don't have on my work pc and we don't have on the forum's Emojis here)
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Try pressing the Windows button and full stop at the same time and the emojis should appear.
 
Keep your head up @The Ginger Ref - there are always some parents/coaches/players that never fail to live down to expectations. I've had games where I think I've not been great but been praised, and others where I was confident I'd had a good game and was criticised, the latter often by teams who'd won, just not by as much as they'd anticipated.

Participants at all levels aren't immune from the pursuit of perfection in decision making, though I'd still say across all the competitions I referee in (one OA, three youth) the overwhelming majority are good as gold and there are only a small number of teams whose coaches, players or parents are prone to making the experience unpleasant.

Now and again you get a comment from coach or parent which reinforces why we do it (I had to issue 4 YCs this weekend to an otherwise well behaved team that lost 6-1 and was roundly outplayed, and their coach commented afterwards that he's been trying to get them to stop committing those sorts of fouls so he welcomed them) but ultimately over time you learn to take both praise and criticism with a pinch of salt.

As @RefereeX says, in the words of Mark Twain "Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience", whatever the temptation. Reality is most don't know the LOTG, have no idea how challenging refereeing is and chances are they are getting a better referee than their standard of football deserves!
 
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You can’t please all of the people all of the time. You can only please some of the people some of the time

You can only control the controllables.

Remember the above and you can’t go far wrong.
 
Reminds me of the "he's only 14, 15years old" etc and I reply show me where in the LOTG it says for his age take a different approach. I get it he is 14 or 15 and 5 mins into his match a DOGSO ruins his game but Im just applying the LOTG. Im the messenger if you like.
 
Ignore parents, yes (unless racist etc.)

But ignore coaches or players, no.
You must use your tools. Stepped approach. Cards.

And this is about you. When you learn more about how to handle low level dissent, you will be more confident and matches will be more satisfying.

You must act on a “sarcastic remark from a 14 year old.” Warning on the run is not so great with youth players. So, ceremonial verbal warning or straight to YC. Or whatever, but you must act. You will be unpopular for a moment, but not as unpopular as when the snide remarks are coming 30 mins later from all sides!
 
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