True Story...

[Kes]

I've a mate who's become addicted to brake fluid!

But he reckons he can stop any time he wants.....

 

[Charlie Jones]

ill admit it ... I chuckled at that (even though ive heard it countless times! lol) got to love a dad joke

 

[Kes]

How about the man who kept sticking himself into lorry exhausts?

He's just tested HGV positive....

 

[Charlie Jones]

Hear about the man that stole a truck load of eggs?

he returned them earlier today, apparently he only did it for a yolk ...

 

[Charlie Jones]

have you head about the local food factory? they aren't going to be making sausages any longer ...

apparently they are long enough!

 

[Kes]

Tristan Cope, the inventor of the jug died at home yesterday.

Tributes have been pouring in.....

 

[Ross]

Next bad joke is getting a warning

 

[Kes]

Next bad joke is getting a warning

He's talking to you Charlie!! .....

 

[DanCohen17]

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony.

 

[jack.prescott]

I've heard that the pope has developed a recent obsession with cats, some saying he's now a fully fledged cat-a-holic.


Oh no sorry, Catholic.

 

[Russell Jones]

Apparently there's a cheese that is made backwards.

It's called edam

 

[xPositor]

What do you call a female goalkeeper?

Annette.

 

[DB]

A horse walked into a bar.... The Barman says "What's with the long face"

pahahahhahahahhahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahaa

 

[Kes]

I've something I need to tell you all but I'm finding it difficult to say.......

Ken Dodd's dad's dog's dead.

 

[DanCohen17]

What do you call a man laying on your porch?
Matt

What do you call a man in a hole?
Phil

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug

What do you call a man WITHOUT a spade in his head?
Douglas

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes & no legs?
Still, no idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and a toolbox on its head?
Still, no idea, at all.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, a toolbox on its head and its penis cut off?
Still, no f*cking, idea, at all!


Just like Duncan Bannatyne, I'm out!

 

[Kes]

I didn't realise how good I am on the phone, until I found out today that my call to customer services may be used for training purposes.

 

[richard ramjane]

early morning one for you....

theres only ten types of referee in this world.... those that understand binary, and those that dont....

ahem

 

[Russell Jones]

What do policeman referees eat?

Irish Stew

Irish Stew in the name of the law

 

[Kes]

Hedgehogs.

Why can't they just share the hedge?!!

 

[Charlie Jones]

before refereeing I was working down at the calendar factory ...

I ended up getting the sack though for taking a few days off!