The Ref Stop

Open Age The moaning is putting me off refereeing

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suffolkref

New Member
Level 7 Referee
I've listed this as open age but really applies to anything, I've done Vets, Open Age Men and Women and Youth games.

This weekend I've done an academy U15 game for Norwich City. Brilliant football, facilities absolutely unreal but the moaning. Players after the game "where do we get these refs from". Moaning about every decision, who was or wasn't offside, he pushed me etc, couple of trips and late fouls acting like they've been shot.

Ladies cup game on Sunday, one team clearly more physical than the other and because I consistently didn't give fouls, shouts and moans from the side-line. Missed an alleged deliberate push because of the moaning. Reminded both managers that really I only want to hear "ref!" when making a sub. As usual all handshakes and ok at 90 minutes but just very stressful.

I haven't found an age category I like doing, nor would I say I've had an "easy game". I'm trying not to be reliant on cards, not to say dissent is acceptable and I will direct a player to the sin-bin if needed. Just doesn't feel appropriate to essentially tell people to shut up, although I'd like too!

I know we are paid to be there, but I do this to get fit and stay in football, the money side is not major but very recently the moaning is starting to grate at me.
 
The Ref Stop
I'd be having both captains in for a chat re: constant chirping at every decision - it is dissent after a certain level.
 
Find your voice and make it loud.
No manager or side piece wants to be made a foul publicly.
If that fails, you have the tools.
 
I've listed this as open age but really applies to anything, I've done Vets, Open Age Men and Women and Youth games.

This weekend I've done an academy U15 game for Norwich City. Brilliant football, facilities absolutely unreal but the moaning. Players after the game "where do we get these refs from". Moaning about every decision, who was or wasn't offside, he pushed me etc, couple of trips and late fouls acting like they've been shot.

Ladies cup game on Sunday, one team clearly more physical than the other and because I consistently didn't give fouls, shouts and moans from the side-line. Missed an alleged deliberate push because of the moaning. Reminded both managers that really I only want to hear "ref!" when making a sub. As usual all handshakes and ok at 90 minutes but just very stressful.

I haven't found an age category I like doing, nor would I say I've had an "easy game". I'm trying not to be reliant on cards, not to say dissent is acceptable and I will direct a player to the sin-bin if needed. Just doesn't feel appropriate to essentially tell people to shut up, although I'd like too!

I know we are paid to be there, but I do this to get fit and stay in football, the money side is not major but very recently the moaning is starting to grate at me.
I always take the approach that I am out there to enjoy myself.

If someone is stopping me enjoying myself, they're off.

Sometimes it works, sometimes their mates start moaning more. They then go off, and eventually they get the message.

You're there to do them a favour, not to take abuse. Sling a yellow card up the nose of the first player who does it and keep going until they concentrate on playing the game rather than venting spleen at you.
 
As soon as is practicable - preferably as early as possible - call a particularly vocal player over to you.
"We've been playing this game for six minutes and all I've heard is you. I'm refereeing this game for another 84 minutes - if you keep moaning then it's either going to be a very long and frustrating game for you or a very short one... get on with it"

As long as you follow any further dissent up with a caution then I've found it always works for me :)
 
The first thing you need to accept is there will always be moaning. Every decision you make is supported by one team, questioned by the other and moaning starts if they don't agree with you. As soon as you accept that things will look different.

As you become more experienced, you'll actually be drawn to the more challenging games where there is moaning rather than the boring ones where everyone is nice.

It just sounds like you need to build up your resilience and that only comes with experience in life as well as refereeing.

You can take the zero tolerance approach but you'll make no friends and you'll hate the games. The key is communication. Tell the captains at the start that you want them to work with you especially around players moaning (low level dissent, questioning decisions etc). Then when a player does start, blow the whistle and call the captain over. By the time the captain is there, things will already be defused and just remind the captain of your conversation asking him to shut his player up. When you get a good captain, it works well and they appreciate that you've given them the opportunity to keep a player on the pitch avoiding a sin bin.

If the captain is rubbish on the other hand, please ignore my advice
 
Refereeing is a thankless task. No matter what your motivation is you eventually realise that it is simply not woth the effort. You start enthusiastic and energetic only to realise that the human condition is simply inescapable. There is no age group that will be suitable.

My main motivation was to help my son by refereeing kids football and the same time get some physical excercise due to knee injuries playing basketball at my youth.

I kid you not, I have scheduled my knee surgery to be able to play again and get away from refereing.
If you are doing this for the additional cash, any second job will be better than this. The mental strain is simply no quantifiable.

If you are doing this for the glory... then you are built different and I wish you good luck.

Some might say you need to built resilience... this is on the masochistic side. I do not know of any other task that is so poorly paid and so insignficant in human life that requires such sascrifice. Being a doctor, soldier, heavy machine user, miner.. might require resilience but then these are nobler tasks.

Fishing, golf, running, swimming, heck even bungee jumping is better...

I have been so disappointed by behaviours that I even stopped watching football now...

I am still refereeing since I started the season this year but I simply do not see the appeal anymore. It took me 4 years to be completely drained mentally.
 
Hate this, always having to ask who to use as a "vice"
Personally I don't bother. If the goalkeeper is the captain, it's because they're the loudest and nobody on field is interested in 'working with me' on things, so I just speak directly to players as it is, and will skip the 'talk with captain' step.
 
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