Some useful words to calm down players/coaches
- Thread starter Robi
- Start date
I want to come and watch a Padfoot game before I retire, I don't run lines so I could be his trusty 4th official for the day...
we may be brothers from another mother!!
Still in the Midlands?
we may be brothers from another mother!! Still in the Midlands?
Paul March
Well-Known Member
The simpler the pre kick off brief the better. I get across the stepped approach as per respect. Used to go on about talking to me- not shouting etc etc- but found this set me up for grief.
You will develop your own style that works for you over time. Working on the line with better refs will give you loads of ideas. So my advice would be to get yourself on the local supply league lines roster.
You will develop your own style that works for you over time. Working on the line with better refs will give you loads of ideas. So my advice would be to get yourself on the local supply league lines roster.
Mick.
RefChat Addict
Of late I have been saying "Just two things. Play to the whistle, not the shout or the flag. And I am not here to be shouted at or abused. Do you need time to pass those things on to your players?" Captains invariably say no, so when the first shout comes out that I'm not happy with , I call the player and the captain to me. "Captain, I told you at the start of the game that I was not here to be shouted at or abused and asked you if you needed time to tell this to your players. You said you didn't. It is your fault that this player has shouted at me. If I have to card a player for shouting at me, that will be because you did not warn them." I don't even look at the offending player and then get back on with the game. The next one that shouts at me gets carded and I make it clear to the captain that I hold him/her responsible. I don't get many shouting after that. Works for me, won't necessarily work for everyone.
One player got caught offside 3 - 4 times in quick succession today and we had running banter about the consistency... He didn't understand my ironic comment about him having 'usually offside' chiselled on his gravestone.....
I tend to go down the route of not admitting fault but also apologising. Saying things like 'IF I got that wrong, I apologise' rather than 'I apologise, I got that wrong'.
Don't try to defend the indefensible is the key thing. If you've messed up, and you know you've missed up, and crucially it hasn't led to a goal, red card, etc, put your hands up and say "sorry lads, messed that one up". As long as you aren't doing that more than once or perhaps twice a game the players will generally respond well to it.
I'd use an example of one referee I know who has moved to the UK from a country where referees are strongly discouraged from talking to players verbally, and rather they use their whistle and cards to do the talking. He is a very good referee with some really good observer marks, but his clubs marks are atrocious and I'm sure than is down to the lack of dialog with players.
I'd use an example of one referee I know who has moved to the UK from a country where referees are strongly discouraged from talking to players verbally, and rather they use their whistle and cards to do the talking. He is a very good referee with some really good observer marks, but his clubs marks are atrocious and I'm sure than is down to the lack of dialog with players.
SurreySuperRef
Active Member
I personally have two approaches, a soft approach and a hard approach. If a player or coach has been moaning a bit, but not really done much wrong except moan, I'd approach him in a 'sympathetic' manner. Body language is important, make sure your arms are open and relaxed, but firm. Say something along the lines "If you have a problem, we can talk about it after the game/half time," or "it might have been a foul, I'm not saying it wasn't, but there were a lot of bodies in there/a player came across my view/I had a bad angle." Even if it never was a foul in a million years, it gets them on your side and makes them think you're looking out for the next one. Consider going to the player or meeting them halfway if you call them over, because then you're meeting on neutral terms. Also if need be, tell players you just "want a chat," and don't want to caution them (tap your pockets to show your cards are away), because if a player thinks he's being cautioned he might get some words in for his trouble anyways.
If a player or coach is mouthing off which is detrimental to your match control, then it's time to get tough and firm. If you need to, blow your whistle loud and call them over and make them come over to you. This alone helps take the heat out of the situation as they think "oh s***, I'm in trouble." From there on, your body language should be tense and firm, even defensive. Saying something along the lines of "you've been complaining about every decision, the throw in there (point to it), the foul over there (point again), and the offside (firm point). I will not tolerate any further dissent (move your hands downwards to indicate that it is literally the bottom line)." Don't be afraid to call the captain over if need be. If he continues, caution them or dismiss them from the technical area. If he walks away while talking to you, call him back. If he walks away while you're talking, his heads obviously gone because he isn't listening to the voice of reason, you: the referee.
It's important to find your own style, and see what works for you, but I find personally these two approaches typically work best. Just remember body language is very important. You don't want to appear overly rigid and dense for small infractions, likewise you don't want to appear "soft" if you're giving a player a talking to of a lifetime.
If a player or coach is mouthing off which is detrimental to your match control, then it's time to get tough and firm. If you need to, blow your whistle loud and call them over and make them come over to you. This alone helps take the heat out of the situation as they think "oh s***, I'm in trouble." From there on, your body language should be tense and firm, even defensive. Saying something along the lines of "you've been complaining about every decision, the throw in there (point to it), the foul over there (point again), and the offside (firm point). I will not tolerate any further dissent (move your hands downwards to indicate that it is literally the bottom line)." Don't be afraid to call the captain over if need be. If he continues, caution them or dismiss them from the technical area. If he walks away while talking to you, call him back. If he walks away while you're talking, his heads obviously gone because he isn't listening to the voice of reason, you: the referee.
It's important to find your own style, and see what works for you, but I find personally these two approaches typically work best. Just remember body language is very important. You don't want to appear overly rigid and dense for small infractions, likewise you don't want to appear "soft" if you're giving a player a talking to of a lifetime.
