The Ref Stop

Mouthy Parents

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ladbroke8745

RefChat Addict
In my 2nd match today, I had parents moan every time the opponents took a throw in. They claimed the throw was 2-3 yards from where it should be. Now, im not too fussed about a couple yards, especially in their own defending half, but not once did I hear them moan when their own players were not taking it exactly where it should be.

Now, with about 10 minutes to go, and a parent (who i might add not only shouldn't have been there, but broke covid regs by stepping over the line to put the ball exactly where it should be in his opinion, but as its an open public field there's not much I can do) still moaning, he put the ball down, told me it should be there and so I responded "is that the right blade of grass?". Hindsight, I probably shouldn't have said anything, but has anyone ever said anything that they later thought "should have kept mouth shut".
Nothing happened. Parent said that's hardly professional, which he has a point to be fair, but he never said anything after.
 
The Ref Stop
Screw the parent, he's being a dick. That said, there's protocols for dealing with mouthy parents so speak to the manager to sort it, or just ignore it.

I once told a player to f**k off at Sunday league level. He deserved it but he wasn't best pleased. Not done it again!
 
ladbroke8745 said:
Now, with about 10 minutes to go, and a parent (who i might add not only shouldn't have been there, but broke covid regs by stepping over the line to put the ball exactly where it should be in his opinion, but as its an open public field there's not much I can do) still moaning, he put the ball down, told me it should be there and so I responded "is that the right blade of grass?". Hindsight, I probably shouldn't have said anything, but has anyone ever said anything that they later thought "should have kept mouth shut".
Nothing happened. Parent said that's hardly professional, which he has a point to be fair, but he never said anything after.
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We've all been there I think - I've certainly said things that I regretted in terms of gaining respect - normally when I've got rattled (which annoys me in itself).

However in this kind of case I think you need to strongly assert your authority. Loud whistle, hold everything up and go and speak to the home manager with at the very least a request he talks to that parent and ensures he doesn't go on the pitch. And then wait for him to do it. The parents - and possibly even the managers and players - will heckle and complain, but anything else gives them permission to undermine you.
 
ladbroke8745 said:
Now, with about 10 minutes to go, and a parent (who i might add not only shouldn't have been there, but broke covid regs by stepping over the line to put the ball exactly where it should be in his opinion, but as its an open public field there's not much I can do)
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Of course there. You don't control the park, but you control the game. As @Martiju said, you can have the manager address. And, at the extreme, you tell the manager that unless that person is removed, the game is over. (It's amazing how much peer pressure that generates from the other parents for that person to leave.)
 
socal lurker said:
Of course there. You don't control the park, but you control the game. As @Martiju said, you can have the manager address. And, at the extreme, you tell the manager that unless that person is removed, the game is over. (It's amazing how much peer pressure that generates from the other parents for that person to leave.)
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Yep, the important thing is to be ready to follow through with it.

I once had a situation with a sent off player (Open Age) who aggressively played the "it's a public place I can stand where I like". I told the manager he had 60 seconds to get him away before I abandoned. Manager started arguing and I looked him dead in the eyes and said "you've now got 45 seconds" at that point him and his team mates told him to "go away"
 
I had a situation where a parent told me an offside indirect free kick was being taken too far from the penalty area. This was the second time they chipped in. I stopped the game move the ball forward about 10 yards then shouted across "if you have any more help for me just shout!" The other parents clapped and i never heard another word.
 
I found 'engaging' with the parents never ended well. I had an incident where, rather stupidly, a player from the losing team kicked the ball away from opponent after having a free kick awarded against him. I then had parents of said side going mad and me and oppo for taking their time with the free kick! Me pointing out that the problem actually started with their player totally ignored!
 
PinnerPaul said:
I found 'engaging' with the parents never ended well. I had an incident where, rather stupidly, a player from the losing team kicked the ball away from opponent after having a free kick awarded against him. I then had parents of said side going mad and me and oppo for taking their time with the free kick! Me pointing out that the problem actually started with their player totally ignored!
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I agree, best to avoid engagement with parents and spectators. I've done it myself and while it hasn't lead to any serious issues looking back I wish I'd handled it differently. These days, if required, I'll always speak with the team manager. Of course managers are not all angels but generally I find that they have a bit more understanding of the consequences that Mr/Mrs Know it All standing along the touchline.
Last time I had to take such action was with a guy claiming offside based on an interpretation of the Laws which would have been out of date in the 1980s. The manager was cooperative but he didn't have to do anything - before I'd finishing speaking the offender's wife/partner gave him a hell of a dressing down in front of everyone. Bloody brilliant! She came over and apologised to me at the end of the game, he was nowhere to be seen. Could have been an interesting Saturday evening in that household.
 
Parental 'contributions' are a gold mine!

In the days when GKs had to leave the penalty area I had one parent ask why I had given offside when I ordered a retake!:confused::p
 
You have to be very confident and good to try the witty responses to players and parents. @ladbroke8745 - if that only your second match, then being quiet is the best answer.

The best response for such an idiot, is to ask him "if his only teams throw-ins are perfectly positioned" - is this OK?
 
Trip said:
When I did youth football I don't recall the parents being problem, but I do remember some very unpleasant coaches.
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Lucky you! I've tossed* far many more parents than coaches (total of 1 coach) over the course of hundreds of youth games.

(Tournaments seem to be the worst as parents start to think the games are important.)

_____
*Yes, yes, I know, we don't technically "toss" parents. We tell the site manager or coach that the game will not continue unless that person is no longer present. But that is such a mouthful to say . . .
 
socal lurker said:
Lucky you! I've tossed* far many more parents than coaches (total of 1 coach) over the course of hundreds of youth games.

(Tournaments seem to be the worst as parents start to think the games are important.)

_____
*Yes, yes, I know, we don't technically "toss" parents. We tell the site manager or coach that the game will not continue unless that person is no longer present. But that is such a mouthful to say . . .
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If the mouthy parent doesn't leave, do you terminate the match or do you card the coach?
 
NOVARef said:
If the mouthy parent doesn't leave, do you terminate the match or do you card the coach?
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What would the caution to the coach be for? The game should not continue until the parent leaves. It's amazing how fast the other parents will put pressure on the miscreant to leave.

(I'd also add that I have found it very common for parents from the miscreants team to thank me for tossing the parent, as the obnoxious behavior had been negatively impacting the kids for prior games, too.)
 
JamesL said:
Parents are spectators. A referee should never get involved with spectators. It is not within your remit.
If you have an issue with spectators then that is a matter for the home team to deal with.
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Agreed. Only engage with a spectator/parent issue if it amounts to prejudice and/or safeguarding. Otherwise, it's just noise and reacting to it only escalate the problem unless you're very good at communicating. Even then, each reaction/engagement is a risk
 
lincs22 said:
You have to be very confident and good to try the witty responses to players and parents. @ladbroke8745 - if that only your second match, then being quiet is the best answer.

The best response for such an idiot, is to ask him "if his only teams throw-ins are perfectly positioned" - is this OK?
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Trip said:
I suspect it was his second match that day.

When I did youth football I don't recall the parents being problem, but I do remember some very unpleasant coaches.
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Oh, I've been refereeing for nearly 20 years. I've enough confidence in myself to be witty but these days I think people are so touchy with responses by officials.
 
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