I hear ya. You overlook one main factor though in your good example of simulation. The referee is not to blame. I find it easy to symphasise with a referee who has been cheated. The person(s) to blame, are the players.
Had cheating not become such an art, with huge sums of money at stake, then things like retrospective action for diving nevermind VAR would barely be needed, getting offsides and handballs right was just as important 50 years ago, whats changed is the prize money at stake for the winners.
Football, and its officiating, is not an exact science. Not from the playing point of view ( pens will be missed, keepers will fumble shots), just as referees will be undecided as to a handball. If VAR is used to correct mistakes then we should retake every pk until its scored, as surely to miss a pk is an error in the game too
As we know only too well from this forum, my handball is another persons accidental handball and so on.
The incident in question, for me, is not deliberate handball. So as referee, if i trust in my var and give the pk, its pointless me turning up at all.