The Ref Stop

Intimidation

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JBeil

JBeil

Active Member
Following on from a post I made here yesterday, how do you deal with players when you're being physically intimidated? It's only happened to me twice, but both times I've lost my bottle and gone for a yellow rather than a red. I'm not a big chap, and most games I've not got any neutral ARs or even many spectators to look after me should something get hairy. I know how we should handle these things in law, but when it's actually happening I just lose my nerve.
 
The Ref Stop
Isolate them, use calming body language (hands palm down for example), take your time. There’s no rush to speak. Use the time walking to an isolated spot to run over what you’re going to say. Don’t be afraid to speak slowly so you can think as you’re talking. Take deep breaths as you’re walking over, calm yourself and think rationally. You’re the one in charge - all about body language showing that off
 
Tbh if you feel you are being physically intimidated then, at this moment in time, maybe this hobby is not for you
or, in kinder fashion, maybe revert to a level without fear of intimidation.

Your there to uphold the laws, ensure fair play and take care of admin duties, you are NOT expected to put yourself in a position where you are scared.

Who on earth actually volunteers to take a role they are scared in???????? Thats not a hobby, that's sadism.
 
I’ve stood up to some proper brutes, complete Herberts, was I scared? Maybe once, Did I show it? Not externally 😁
 
JBeil said:
Following on from a post I made here yesterday, how do you deal with players when you're being physically intimidated? It's only happened to me twice, but both times I've lost my bottle and gone for a yellow rather than a red. I'm not a big chap, and most games I've not got any neutral ARs or even many spectators to look after me should something get hairy. I know how we should handle these things in law, but when it's actually happening I just lose my nerve.
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Anyone of us could be assaulted at any time, but it is curious that you've felt physically intimidated on more than one occasion in your short career
I'm inexperienced myself, but on feeling threatened, my preconceived plan would be to involve a third person (such as a captain) when dealing with the aggressor. As @alexgr indicated, there's no rush. Slow it right down. The extra 30 seconds or so could turn the thermostat off. Easy to talk about ont'tinternet, but another matter in real life
 
This season I've had someone's head in mine for abour 10 seconds trying to push me back and repeatedly saying "what are you going to do about it". Then when he was dragged off tried to get back at me (Although stood behind the other players who held him back, he's a coward). This was after I'd shown a red card to one of his team mates for the worst type of OFFINABUS imaginable.

6 weeks ago I'd sent someone off who'd been on the pitch 5 mins. It was quite clear that he came on with the sole intention of getting a red card and causing a scene from the get go. He didn't argue with the red card but did threaten me for about 5 minutes. He left the premises under instruction from me or abandonment and came back after the match to threaten me for a good 5 mins and then finally came back whilst I was getting changed for a third go.

Was I scared? no, I can handle myself and have seen it all before many times as a player. Did I think I was in serious danger? Yes second time around as he was clearly off his face on something and his team mates were egging him on because they disagreed with a handball decision and lost a tight match. It was not a pleasant experience and I wouldn't wish it on anybody but I'm not having meatheads like that spoil refereeing for me. Every other game I've had (about 100) has been fine, 1 in 50 have involved nonsense and both were from the same Sunday OA league.

I'd never let them win and it just motivated me to get up the ladder a bit. @JBeil I admire you for carrying on. It's fine to be scared but it's a life lesson. Valid points about continuing if your scared have been made but don't let the odd moron stop you from having a hobby you enjoy. There's plenty of idiots in the pubs too but I'll be goinf for a pint on Friday night! :)
 
JBeil said:
Following on from a post I made here yesterday, how do you deal with players when you're being physically intimidated? It's only happened to me twice, but both times I've lost my bottle and gone for a yellow rather than a red. I'm not a big chap, and most games I've not got any neutral ARs or even many spectators to look after me should something get hairy. I know how we should handle these things in law, but when it's actually happening I just lose my nerve.
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I think you should describe an incident in detail. What do you mean by intimidated, and what made it a red card offence, rather than grounds for match abandonment?

Sometimes you have to give yourself time and space. On one hand we talk on here about preventing fights and being proactive but... never put yourself in danger, sometimes you just need to watch and deal with it after. No one else has a whistle. Can you use it? A Valkeen will stop an elephant at close quarters, it's incredible for muting players, for control and as a defensive measure. But any whistle used right is effective.

Maybe the other thing is that it probably takes everyone time to learn their style and what makes them comfortable in different situations. After 4 maybe 5 years and over 200 games I think I could deal with the emotional extremes of dealing with players - I think it's quicker for most people!
 
I hope I intimidated a few players too..... I used to hear them as i approached ..... 'Oh FFS, it's that canute again!!! :)
 
Ciley Myrus said:
at this moment in time, maybe this hobby is not for you
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Absolutely dislike this advice. Anyone who want to referee, has a place in the refereeing fraternity. It is our job (as the more experience ones and administers) to find where the right place is.

Ciley Myrus said:
or, in kinder fashion, maybe revert to a level without fear of intimidation.
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Very much like this advice (possibly different wording for the last few words). It's not just a kinder fashion, it's practical advice.

@JBeil, everyone has a different personality and reacts to incidents/events... differently. There are some very good advice above on how to deal with intimidation. There are also some common life experiences (that come with age) that help you. I will add a couple of thing.
As soon as players think (right or wrong) intimidation is swaying your decisions their way, it will get worse. The reverse is also true, if intimidation is dealt with appropriately (it's not working for them or has negative impact to their team) it will get better.
Not everyone may agree with this. The moment you feel intimidation is impacting your decision to an extent that it can change the outcome of the match, you should be thinking about abandoning. Of course you don't want it to come to that so use whatever techniques/skills you can to avoid it.
 
Refereeing is not a human right.
I cant be a snake charmer. Am scared of snakes. If i was near the basket and a snake popped out, I would scream and holler in fear and bad things would happen. I don't know how to handle them.

Not everyone has a place in the set up (this is not a personal blast at the OP). Its for some folk, its not for everybody

If your scared in your hobby, then, maybe, just maybe, you have chosen the wrong hobby.
Cant handle the snakes? cant be a snake charmer
cant handle the players? cant be a referee.
 
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Ciley Myrus said:
Tbh if you feel you are being physically intimidated then, at this moment in time, maybe this hobby is not for you
or, in kinder fashion, maybe revert to a level without fear of intimidation.

Your there to uphold the laws, ensure fair play and take care of admin duties, you are NOT expected to put yourself in a position where you are scared.

Who on earth actually volunteers to take a role they are scared in???????? Thats not a hobby, that's sadism.
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I was heavily intimated during my first few games and I don't think this kind of comment helps especially. With all honesty, I would advise a mentor someone with more experience and ask them..

For example, If someone is attempting to intimidate me then I will raise my voice if that makes sense. Match their level and their tone... (PM me if you want more help)
 
strangereferee said:
I was heavily intimated during my first few games and I don't think this kind of comment helps especially. With all honesty, I would advise a mentor someone with more experience and ask them..

For example, If someone is attempting to intimidate me then I will raise my voice if that makes sense. Match their level and their tone... (PM me if you want more help)
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Fighting fire with fire, yes, that works :(

each to own, am allowed my view, as are you
 
strangereferee said:
I'm always learning and believe I can improve... Could you both educate me on what you guys would do then?
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There are players out there who you don't want to take on. You can still show authority and assertion without notching it up a level. Nothing wrong with raising your voice as a referee when appropriate, but there are times when a calmer approach is need to take it down a level for self-preservation
 
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