The Ref Stop

Hints and Tips to Refereeing The Same Team

C

Cammy1997

New Member
Level 7 Referee
Hi all,
Did my first two refereeing games last week.
One Mens and one Womens.

Division 4 game of the district league, and one team have a few players that 'played higher up' I was told, the classic, but seems like they had it in for me, questioning close to every decision, the rest of the team were fine and had no issues.

I have the same team in a fixture this week and next week, any help on how to prepare or manage these few players and those like it in the future, would be greatly appreciated.

(Upon reflection, I definitely could have been better on the Saturday game, more than likely nerves letting me down on some decisions, however, the Sunday game, I was told by both sides that it was a job well done, so the confidence is growing.)

None of the teams were aware that it was my first couple of games, as far as I'm aware.
 
The Ref Stop
I had a similar issue on Saturday. A very senior player who questioned pretty much every decision. I would talk to him, explain my decision and be polite but it was never enough !
He would get his point across but it was never enough for a sin bin, he was never rude, never swore, but would always let you knew he disagreed with the decision. I looked at the team sheet and just started calling him by his name - why not.

It’s difficult but sometimes you will never please these players. They specifically want to get in your head and they always want the next decision. Just try to calmly explain, don’t fall for their tricks and be polite to them (the same as all players !) I’m sure some of the more senior referees have some better advice.
 
Yes, your instance sounds exactly the same.
Like you said, it seemed like no decision will please them, even if it was in their favor, there would still be questions.
Never rude, or swore, never enough for sin bin either.

Happy enough to ignore most of it to be honest, did explain on some occasions the reasoning, but it was always met with an answer.
 
There are WAY more experienced refs on here who will give better advice than I can, but FWIW my two-penneths work is:

1. Fair play on jumping straight into the deep end into OA football. I spent my first season (at 48!) exclusively in youth football, and even last year only did three OA games. I do think there's a lot to be gained by starting out in youth football regardless of your own age, as you learn so much in your first few games and first couple of seasons regarding positioning, decision making, movement, communication, behaviour etc, but ultimately managing kids (and coaches/parents) in youth football can sometimes feel like a completely different game to OA football.
2. There's almost always at least one player in OA football like the one you experienced, and they're often just testing you out. You'll see it with ridiculous shouts for a throw-in, corner kick or handball where they're gauging if they can influence you, but they learn quite quickly when they can't. I had that on Sunday but by being well positioned, decisive and unswayed after about 15 minutes the player was doing it but laughing almost immediately afterwards, and then stopped.
3. In my limited experience, you have to manage it otherwise it becomes relentless even if it's not impacting you. Options to manage it include a) ignoring it like you've not heard it b) laughing or smiling (though you need to gauge the wider mood as at the wrong time/in the wrong game this can backfire) c) delaying the restrart to have a quiet word escalating to calm, polite but assertive public chastisement ("I don't need your help, thank you" or "Get on with the game") d) involving the captain to e) final warning - public or private - that you've had enough and one more will be 10 minutes on the sideline.

Over time you'll work out what works best both for you and dependent on the wider temperature/tone of the game, though as I said at the outset I'm reffing at the lowest level of grassroots and more experienced refs will have better advice I'm sure.
 
I am sure many of us have been there - you try and respond politely and before you know it you've got a pattern that it becomes harder and harder to break out of.

I think the key is to spot it early and to react but not overreact.

One thing you can try if it starts happening is to have a quiet but visible word - no need for it to look dramatic so nice calm voice and body language, but something along the lines of 'I know we are not going to agree on every decision I make - that's football - and I am happy to talk to you, but I can't have you questioning every decision and that's <insert as appropriate> e.g. 3 times in the first 10 minutes. So please pick your moment'.

If that doesn't work, you've created yourself a platform to take further action if you need to, but you might also have just signalled to a player that he's not going to get under your skin today and to the opposition that they don't need to mirror the behaviour to get their fair share of voice

Of course, we all have to find approaches that work for us and others may choose to go in more robustly
 
There is a guy here that I've probably refereed more than 10 times over the last 4-5 years and he's always been the hardest player to referee. He constantly whinges in your ear at every decision you make. Never publicly, never abusively, but just non stop whinging. Lovely guy off the pitch too, but I absolutely hate refereeing him. Frustratingly I thought I'd left him behind after getting my Level 3, with him playing for a step 5 club, but he signed for a step 4 club in the summer and I had that club first game of the season!
 
One thing I would say that when we referee the same teams we often pick up names. Be careful if you don't know anyone from the other team as opposition can see this as pally and it can make the game management harder. Being here in the south west I know large portions ot the players names as I referee the same team quite a lot so I always try to pick up other teams player names as quick as possible to the and overcome that, or try to refrain from names and use player numbers
 
JamesL said:
One thing I would say that when we referee the same teams we often pick up names. Be careful if you don't know anyone from the other team as opposition can see this as pally and it can make the game management harder. Being here in the south west I know large portions ot the players names as I referee the same team quite a lot so I always try to pick up other teams player names as quick as possible to the and overcome that, or try to refrain from names and use player numbers
Click to expand...
Good advice - I have a couple of youth teams that I referee for regularly as a result of their competition not allocating them so know some of their names though far from all, and I always make a point of explaining this to this to the oppo coaches in advance, though like you try to pick up others names and always refer to captains and coaches of both sides by name.
 
JamesL said:
One thing I would say that when we referee the same teams we often pick up names. Be careful if you don't know anyone from the other team as opposition can see this as pally and it can make the game management harder. Being here in the south west I know large portions ot the players names as I referee the same team quite a lot so I always try to pick up other teams player names as quick as possible to the and overcome that, or try to refrain from names and use player numbers
Click to expand...
Agreed. I find it really really helps to know players by name and use their name, but if you know all of one teams name and none of the others then it very much opens you up for the old 'first name terms with them are we ref?' etc comments.
 
I think having the same team twice in short succession isn't too bad. But you are new. The appointment secretary will probably be extremely accommodating if you send a message to the tune of: "I have just had an extremely heated game where I had to (sinbin/send off/bad thing), this is my 3rd game refereeing, and if possible can I be switched to another fixture"

That's obviously only if you have to do any of the above and you feel uneasy about having to referee them again. But if it goes well, free rapport for the next game!

I had a team once for 4 fixtures in 5 weeks. They were second in their league, and were on a winning streak. They lost their first three games with me, and I had to book their manager on the third and as I was booking him, one of their supporters shouted "this ref F*kn hates us, had it in for us for weeks". Their manager would come to my changing room at full-time and come in and moan about my consistency for 10 mins after every game.

So I called the ref sec that night and said get me off that next fixture!
 
I know it’s difficult but I’d try not to draw too firm a conclusion after one game. Could have just been one of those days for everyone.

On the occasion that you start to spot a pattern, I like to go head-on. “Hey, we’ve worked together before. This isn’t how we’re going to work together from here. You do your job and I’ll do mine. Your pass back there wasn’t very crisp but I didn’t comment on it. Let’s give each other some room.”

Or even “I don’t know what you think it’s going to accomplish to question every call I make but it probably isn’t what you imagine. Dial it down and we’ll get on fine.”

Had that exact conversation with a coach last week and didn’t hear a peep the rest of the game.
 
JamesL said:
One thing I would say that when we referee the same teams we often pick up names. Be careful if you don't know anyone from the other team as opposition can see this as pally and it can make the game management harder. Being here in the south west I know large portions ot the players names as I referee the same team quite a lot so I always try to pick up other teams player names as quick as possible to the and overcome that, or try to refrain from names and use player numbers
Click to expand...
Based in the South West as well. I appreciate the feedback, plenty to take on board into this weekend and hopefully I enjoy it more this weekend and stand firm in my decision-making, thankyou!
 
"Thank you for your help player. I know you are going to disagree with every decision that doesn't go your way, so I'll take that as a given from now on. There's no further need to tell me and we'll just get on with the game."

Next time you can get the captain involved, "all questions through the skipper from now on please, so we can both concentrate on the game".

Next time sin bin.

Just take your time and walk them through the stepped approach. Constantly being just below the threshold is a real distraction and irritation so give them the chance to improve or the chance to fail.
 
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