The Ref Stop

First cards !!!!!!

Zimmyman said:
Thank you I totally agree I have blocked that member he or she never seem to help only criticise
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Zimmy, take it as advice from a colleague. Yes ciley might sound too straight at times and not mince his words more often than not. But I don’t believe he was being overbearing or condescending.

Mate the message we are trying to get across to you, is that you before anyone else need to be critical of your performances. That’s the only way to learn, you coming here and asking the questions is a great sign of that.

Specific to silly Ciley ;) comments, I echo his words; if the coach has been vocally abusive towards you I question your decision to allow them to remain on the touchline. It certainly can be very daunting the first time, and obviously we all have our different tolerance levels. But his actions will reflect in those of his players, at minimum we’d expect you to give him a polite yet royal dressing down with a clear and final warning that this behaviour is totally unacceptable and will not be tolerated. And that the next time you have to talk to him, he will be dismissed.
 
The Ref Stop
Big Cat said:
Sometimes the best advice is served (very) cold. I've maybe learned more from seemingly harsh comments than friendly chit chat. You'll need toughening you up for the challenges ahead!
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I don't always agree with some of the more outspoken and blunt members of the forum, or in the way that they sometimes phrase things, however, there are very few things that some of the more experienced referees have not seen or done themselves.

As a referee, you'll get criticised by all manner of people, some who wouldn't know the LOTG if it slapped them round the back of the head, other times from those that do - other referees, observers. The key is to sift through the "how" the message is delivered and get to the "what" message is being delivered.

In this case - Not removing the offender for swearing at you was the wrong thing to do, something that can have a serious knock on impact on your ability to control the match. Every experienced referee I know has at one time or another either missed or "overlooked" something in their time refereeing that has caused a match control issue further down the line in the game.

This forum for me helps members to short cut some of those errors though the collective knowledge and experience of those on here that have been there, done it and bought the T-shirt.
 
I know now he wont see my response but the others have stated my point better than I could, self analysis, (why on earth did I not deal with the coach), is the way to develop in that respect on this occasion, I was asking him if he could justify not removing the coach, so to hear it from him collectively other posters could issues advice and guidenance based on his reply.......

Pointless someone else saying, bin the coach, the individual referee needs to establish inwardly why, it has to come from that referee themselves!!!

Maybe as per another thread, some folk dont take to self analyis and need to be spoon fed, which does have its merits to a point
 
Unfortunately what you mean to say counts for little and what it sounds/reads like counts a lot on the impact it has. Sometimes comments which are meant to be constructive sound antagonising. Some questions that are meant or designed to make someone think sound like interrogation. Everyone has a different personality and responds to criticism differently.
 
I can only be responsible for the message sent, not how it is deciphered.

I will know in future not to be so helpful
 
Not sure we learned anything more than, 'the manager was swearing at me', ---> warned
Was it from afar, such that the kids heard? Did it equate to Offinabus?
 
Big Cat said:
Not sure we learned anything more than, 'the manager was swearing at me', ---> warned
Was it from afar, such that the kids heard? Did it equate to Offinabus?
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Which was what i was trying to extract, and only the referee himself could "justify" what went on and "justify" the action, or lack of, if we had them established what happened and why the referee considered no further action was needed, we could offer correction or alternative advice if required so the next time same thing happens, the referee is armed with numerous options to quell the situation.
Not for one moment is he or anybody else required by law to provide me with an explination!! That said, if they wish advice, which is afterall why they posted in the first place, a bit of thinking behind what happened would enable that advice to be channeled more suitably.
Its no good saying "bin the coach", if we found out WHY no action was taken with the coach we could establish other ways of handling it
it might be that no action was required ! It would personally take me some persuading though that the actions of the coach did not in some way filter down to the kids on the park .....
 
A return to the topic rather than the way responses have been delivered...……. manager this week dismissed from a match I was on (AR) and not a swear word uttered.

Doesn't have to be a profanity laden rant to be considered for removal.
 
PinnerPaul said:
A return to the topic rather than the way responses have been delivered...……. manager this week dismissed from a match I was on (AR) and not a swear word uttered.

Doesn't have to be a profanity laden rant to be considered for removal.
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Correct, they are expected to behave in a responsible manner at all times. There are lots of examples of a manager not acting responsibly without swearing, such as kicking a water bottle, repeatedly leaving the TA or a major breach of it (such as running right down the touchline), etc.
 
Ciley Myrus said:
Which was what i was trying to extract, and only the referee himself could "justify" what went on and "justify" the action, or lack of, if we had them established what happened and why the referee considered no further action was needed, we could offer correction or alternative advice if required so the next time same thing happens, the referee is armed with numerous options to quell the situation.
Not for one moment is he or anybody else required by law to provide me with an explination!! That said, if they wish advice, which is afterall why they posted in the first place, a bit of thinking behind what happened would enable that advice to be channeled more suitably.
Its no good saying "bin the coach", if we found out WHY no action was taken with the coach we could establish other ways of handling it
it might be that no action was required ! It would personally take me some persuading though that the actions of the coach did not in some way filter down to the kids on the park .....
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We're only really sensitive about it in this particular forum as it is for new referees. They are usually learning and need gentle advice and prodding, not being bluntly told they were wrong or interrogated. Call it kid gloves if you like, and just like I wouldn't expect a mentor to ask a new referee to justify his actions, rather he should try to tease the thought process out of him and then offer suitable advice as to what he perhaps could have done differently.
 
Thinking about it, i had a manager swear at me a couple of months back. Can't recall what got said. I joked with the players that he looked like an angry Worzil Grummidge and everyone laughed it off. Context is everything and it may well be that @Zimmyman judged the outburst ok
 
Tino Best said:
OFFINABUS from a manger is the same as from a player and needs to be dealt with the same. If you are allowing the manager to swear at you the kids are going to think it is ok. That is why you bin the manger. The laws are their to protect you. You should not be sworn at by anyone while reffing especially by a coach in youth footie. It is difficult the first time you have to remove a manger the same as your first red, abandonment etc. Next time remember the fish rots from its head.
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Would you get rid the manager if the are responsible for a team of minors? I'm thinking it's more report to the FA and potential abandonment for abusive behaviour as they aren't allowed to leave the game due to safeguarding requirements .... Could be wrong though
 
QuaverRef said:
Would you get rid the manager if the are responsible for a team of minors? I'm thinking it's more report to the FA and potential abandonment for abusive behaviour as they aren't allowed to leave the game due to safeguarding requirements .... Could be wrong though
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Happened to me end of last season .
Swore at by the manager I asked him to leave he said he couldn’t as he was the only first aider which is correct .I told him that only to get involved if I called him to attend an lnjury any interference other than that I would abandon the game .
Reported it to the CFA as misconduct.
 
Never had to bin a manager yet. Would I yes if i felt I needed to. Only had my first abandonment last month in my third year of reffing.
 
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