The Ref Stop

Considering hanging up the whistle

zarathustra

zarathustra

RefChat Addict
I’ve been refereeing for about 6 years give it take with a couple of seasons where I had a break after my son was born and then a dislocated knee which took the best part of the following season to recover from and then lockdowns etc.

I had a slow start to this season, but I’m just not enjoying it like I used to. The behaviour of the teams seems to be worse, and I’m struggling to justify why I should give up a morning with my son so I can go and get spoken to like dirt.

I’m fairly sure it isn’t me, as the issues have been with the same team each time.

there was a contentious decision with a couple of minutes to go where this team had a goal ruled out for a contentious offside decision. This lead to handbags after the whistle, though nothing really worth writing to the CFA about, basically one of their supporters accusing the away car of being a cheat followed by some pushing and shoving etc.

it’s a shame as I enjoyed my game last week very much, and while this didn’t involve a mass con or assaults etc it’s always it a bit like you remember the two of three bad games but not the hundreds of good games.

with the shortage of match officials there isn’t even anyone from the local RA who I could as k to watch a couple of my games, just to see if they spot something that I might be doing wrong.

I’m not going to rush into anything too hasty, but I seem to have three options to consider:

1) pack in refereeing altogether
2) just pack in Sunday mornings and concentrate more on Saturday afternoons
3) tell the league that I won’t referee this particular team again.
 
The Ref Stop
I would at least speak to the league - it might (more than likely) be that there's a number of ref's in the same boat with this team, and the league might consider sanctions against the team a better option than losing ref's?
 
N416405 said:
I would at least speak to the league - it might (more than likely) be that there's a number of ref's in the same boat with this team, and the league might consider sanctions against the team a better option than losing ref's?
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Yeah I have considered that, I over heard the away team after the match saying this team did the same last time they played them, started kicking off etc when they were behind.
 
If it helps, I had the same concern about the behaviour and I even contacted my RDO because I had concerns in my own mind about my increase in cards, and felt like it was my match control at issue. Anyway, he told me that my county FA had seen a ‘dramatic spike’ in sin bins and INOFFABUS since lockdown, putting it down to players potentially being left frustrated and a change in mental health. It doesn’t help your concerns admittedly, but hopefully it goes some way to make you think you’re not alone with this issue
 
QuaverRef said:
If it helps, I had the same concern about the behaviour and I even contacted my RDO because I had concerns in my own mind about my increase in cards, and felt like it was my match control at issue. Anyway, he told me that my county FA had seen a ‘dramatic spike’ in sin bins and INOFFABUS since lockdown, putting it down to players potentially being left frustrated and a change in mental health. It doesn’t help your concerns admittedly, but hopefully it goes some way to make you think you’re not alone with this issue
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Strangely I didn’t actually have any cards in this match. I don’t think I missed anything major that could have contributed to it, and even in the last 10-15 minutes while the whinging etc started to pick up there was maybe only one or two instances where a caution for dissent was warranted, but nothing bad enough that I wouldn’t have used the stepped approach first.

Its hard to explain, I guess this was just the straw that broke the camels back.


although admittedly I have given 10 cautions so far this season in about 5 games, 6 of those have been sin
 
4th option would be to 'give up' (wrong phrase really) on promotion and start to pick and choose games, including concentrating on games where there are 3 of you. (See my '600 thread' for further discussion on that approach.)

Never worth continuing at our level if you're not enjoying it or resenting time away from your family (THE most important thing in most of our lives after all!)
 
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Back in 2014 I took a break from Sunday adult football, partly because of study but also to allow more time with a young child. Player attitudes were awful, and I questioned why I was doing it. The other two factors allowed me to justify to myself why I should stop.

It’s the best decision I ever made.

Then back in late 2019 I answered an SOS from the Ref Secretary for a Sunday game. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. Since coming back I’ve had 1 game marred by poor behaviour. I do 2 a month maximum and it suits me now.

It sounds like you’re where I was back then. If you get more enjoyment from certain leagues than others, stick to those.

There may be a shortage of officials, but you owe nothing to anybody other than yourself.
 
Anecdotally I think player behaviour wrt dissent is significantly worse since lockdown so it's interesting to hear that a CFA have seen a spike in cautions for dissent.
 
Thanks all, it’s good to get things off your chest, and taking sometime to think things over.

Im disappointed, not so much in player behaviour, but because I was really looking forward to getting back into it at the start of the season.

I’ll have a chat with the guys at the next RA meeting and take it one game at a time so to speak,
 
Games that go well make us feel good. Games that go bad have the opposite effect. If you're struggling it would seem wise to take some games which are less likely to be challenging and to bring the positive feeling back to your refereeing.

But its a completely individual thing. I've never had thoughts of packing it (I'm in my 5th season) but I have recently had thoughts that I can see how this may become unenjoyable in the long run. I can shake off anything that happens in one game (and I've had some bad things happen), but its the long term issue of enjoyment that I see rearing it's ugly head at some point in the future.

Talking to fellow refs is great because they are the only ones who truly understand.

I like the idea mentioned earlier of 2 a month. After a month or two if you're looking forward to the Sunday without football far more than the one where you have a game then that answers your questions
 
I used to be ambitious years ago like we all are when we take up refereeing. I did it for around 5 years before sacking it off in 2009 as I became disillusioned with it.

In 2019 I decided to register again but I am clear that I have no intention at all of progressing and I do local junior leagues on Saturday mornings and sometimes I will do a senior game in the afternoon if the league are short and more importantly if I am not doing anything. I sometimes ref 15-0 u13s or top 2 in the u16s whatever I'll do the game cos the game needs a ref and it just so happens to be me.
 
Well, I decided to pack it in in the end.

there’s only been one game this season where I haven’t thought about packing it in after the final whistle.

I still don’t know whether the worse player behaviour is down to me or a wider issue, but it’s irrelevant at this point.

It’s just not fun having to babysit 22 players who are more interested in kicking each other and having a go at the referee over every tiny decision, and there things that I would rather be doing with my time.

I don’t know whether this retirement will be permanent so I’ll see how I’m feeling in a year or two.

I’ll probably hang around here though.
 
zarathustra said:
Well, I decided to pack it in in the end.

there’s only been one game this season where I haven’t thought about packing it in after the final whistle.

I still don’t know whether the worse player behaviour is down to me or a wider issue, but it’s irrelevant at this point.

It’s just not fun having to babysit 22 players who are more interested in kicking each other and having a go at the referee over every tiny decision, and there things that I would rather be doing with my time.

I don’t know whether this retirement will be permanent so I’ll see how I’m feeling in a year or two.

I’ll probably hang around here though.
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That's a shame, but like most things in life, if you're not really enjoying it, its going to affect your performance.

Well done you for recognising that possibility - hopefully an extended break will reignite your enthusiasm.
 
PinnerPaul said:
That's a shame, but like most things in life, if you're not really enjoying it, its going to affect your performance.

Well done you for recognising that possibility - hopefully an extended break will reignite your enthusiasm.
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Yeah, it wasn’t an easy decision to come to, but it got to the point where I was dreading games in the lead up to them, and then miserable and pissed off afterwards.

it was also getting increasingly difficult not to just tell players what I thought when they were arguing the toss about a nothing throw in on the half way line, or whinging that you gave a free kick instead of playing advantage when they’ve spent the preceding 20 minutes complaining that they haven’t been getting free kicks that they think they should.

And then you just have the people who decide to come up and tell you how **** you are and how you’ve ruined the match and cost them the game, despite the fact they conceded 3 goals in the first 20 minutes and their best defender has the turning circle and acceleration of a narrow boat.
 
A shame to hear you feel like you do but completely understandable and if you don't enjoy it then what is the point of giving up your free time?

I have asked myself this question a number of times this season and it would be an interesting poll for refs that have been around a few years or more. As I move through the seasons, am I enjoying refereeing more or less?

I'm not sure I know the answer myself yet.
 
zarathustra said:
It’s just not fun having to babysit 22 players who are more interested in kicking each other and having a go at the referee over every tiny decision, and there things that I would rather be doing with my time
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I completely get where you're coming from, but I'm also sincere in saying 'I probably wouldn't enjoy Refereeing so much if 'this' wasn't football'
Behaviour does need to improve. Without doubt. And it needs to happen on TV first. Despicable behaviour is what we don't want. And it's that which is becoming more widespread. Otherwise, I doubt the >95% of games have changed much over the years. It's the <5% of games in which things are getting really silly, that concern me
 
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Big Cat said:
I completely get where you're coming from, but I'm also sincere in saying 'that I probably wouldn't enjoy Refereeing so much if 'this' wasn't football'
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Oh I’m not expecting rugby levels of respect where it’s all “yes, sir” and “no, sir” and I know that tempers will raise and that people will disagree with decisions and that sometimes you will get players who won’t listen to you or their team mates and are a waking card.

But it seems like this season that’s all it’s been, every single game bar 1, either from both teams or just one of them.

I tried the stepped approach, use of cards (for dissent etc), I’ve tried being more on top of the game by letting things flow or clamping down and slowing everything down when things are getting too heated, I’ve tried building more of a rapport with the players before and during the game etc. none of it seems to make much of a difference.

It could just be me, but considering that my local Sunday league is short of referees every single week, and have had a number of abandonments recently I suspect that it’s a wider issue.
 
zarathustra said:
Oh I’m not expecting rugby levels of respect where it’s all “yes, sir” and “no, sir” and I know that tempers will raise and that people will disagree with decisions and that sometimes you will get players who won’t listen to you or their team mates and are a waking card.

But it seems like this season that’s all it’s been, every single game bar 1, either from both teams or just one of them.

I tried the stepped approach, use of cards (for dissent etc), I’ve tried being more on top of the game by letting things flow or clamping down and slowing everything down when things are getting too heated, I’ve tried building more of a rapport with the players before and during the game etc. none of it seems to make much of a difference.

It could just be me, but considering that my local Sunday league is short of referees every single week, and have had a number of abandonments recently I suspect that it’s a wider issue.
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Most people wouldn't put up with it, or enjoy it... so it ain't you!
 
zarathustra said:
I’ve been refereeing for about 6 years give it take with a couple of seasons where I had a break after my son was born and then a dislocated knee which took the best part of the following season to recover from and then lockdowns etc.

I had a slow start to this season, but I’m just not enjoying it like I used to. The behaviour of the teams seems to be worse, and I’m struggling to justify why I should give up a morning with my son so I can go and get spoken to like dirt.

I’m fairly sure it isn’t me, as the issues have been with the same team each time.

there was a contentious decision with a couple of minutes to go where this team had a goal ruled out for a contentious offside decision. This lead to handbags after the whistle, though nothing really worth writing to the CFA about, basically one of their supporters accusing the away car of being a cheat followed by some pushing and shoving etc.

it’s a shame as I enjoyed my game last week very much, and while this didn’t involve a mass con or assaults etc it’s always it a bit like you remember the two of three bad games but not the hundreds of good games.

with the shortage of match officials there isn’t even anyone from the local RA who I could as k to watch a couple of my games, just to see if they spot something that I might be doing wrong.

I’m not going to rush into anything too hasty, but I seem to have three options to consider:

1) pack in refereeing altogether
2) just pack in Sunday mornings and concentrate more on Saturday afternoons
3) tell the league that I won’t referee this particular team again.
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Other options - what about mentoring and/or observing?
 
It's sad to hear of a fellow grassroots ref giving it up though I get where you're coming from.

I was thinking after my last game about when I was 16 playing football and how it is these days. I remember it being that if the ref called a foul it was a foul, if the ref called a penalty then it was a penalty we just accepted it cos the ref said it was. Now almost every decision you make is contested often a throw in on the half way line.

It doesn't stop me wanting to ref grassroots football because overall I find it enjoyable cos I just love a game a football on a Saturday morning though sometimes I wonder why I even bother. You never know in a few months you might reconsider and get back out there if not then at least you gave it a go when most wouldn't even have the courage
 
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