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But he has ADHD ref !

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Hartlepool_ref

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My game on Saturday was a u16 semi final which on the whole went really well. The only issue was a centre back who complained (at me) and shouted (at his own team mostly)... I could tell this kid had issues so I warned him and warned him again for good measure then eventually booked him for dissent.
The manager (who was actually a okay guy) said "don't book him ref he has ADHD, it'll only make him worse !". I explained to him that he had been warned many times to calm down and if you think his ADHD is going to be an issue of safety on not only his part but someone else's then he should take him off now because he's getting booked regardless. He didn't take him off, I booked him and he was surprisingly calm for the rest of the game.
After the game he casually strolled over to where I was stood watching another colleague on the other semi final. His mother asked (begged actually) him to "chill out" and come away, to which he told her to f**k off a few times. He then accused me of ruining the game, under his breath but loud enough so I could hear. I couldn't help but laugh and respond "so nothing to do with you getting beat 4-0 or the countless sitters your strikers kept missing ? No it's always someone elses fault" he walked away when all the other spectators from the other game I was watching started laughing. Craig 1-0 T*sser

Personally I think I was perfectly fair with this kid, even before I found out he had ADHD. Would anyone else have done the same ?

On a more personal note if I knew the problem I expected him to have was ADHD I wouldn't have give him so many chances as for me there is NO such thing as ADHD... The behaviour stems from lack of discipline at home. ADHD is just a cop out excuse.
 
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Whether he has ADHD or not as an adult and referee your behaviour towards him after the game was out of order in my opinion. I would probably think the same, and say the same had it of been an adult, but the fact that this is a 15 year old child who still has growing up to do he doesn't need you speaking like that to him.

Take the high ground and show him you're not bothered and that you were happy with your performance.
 
I was nothing but supportive and nice to that kid. If ANYONE, be they 15 or 50, questions my integrity or ability to referee a game they're going to get a mouthful back. I didn't shout, swear, get in his face ect... I simply informed him why he was wrong. In fairness I didn't think the spectators would hear or even care.

You say he has a lot of learning to do... If I told my mam to f*ck off in private (even at my age now) I would be in a wheel chair. If I told my mam to f*uck off in public I wouldn't be typing on here now, I'd be at the bottom of a very deep sea with a rock around my ankle... And my dad would have banned me from football and gave me a clip for good measure if I spoke to a ref like that.
If he hasn't learned how to speak to people now he never will... Or perhaps he needed someone impartial to dig back at him. Considering the lack of punishment from his mam I would assume he needed the latter.
 
So it made you feel better by belittling a 15 year old and making spectators from another game laugh at him?

The only thing you've succeeded in doing is having a problem with a player before you've blown a whistle the next time you have him.
 
I didn't belittle him, I pointed out that sometimes you have to take responsibility for what happens. It was unfortunate that some spectators took it in the wrong context and laughed.
Chances are I won't see this kid again either. Plus which, judging by his attitude I don't think I'll be the only referee to have a lasting impact on his memory.
 
Without wishing to be controversial; ADHD is just medicalising bad behaviour. No proof it actually exists. (Money grabbing and evil) Drug companies love it though. :rolleyes:

Strong personal boundaries. No special treatment - this only makes people who behave badly push the boundaries of what will be accepted even more. It's taken as weakness rather than kindness.
 
SM said:
Without wishing to be controversial; ADHD is just medicalising bad behaviour. No proof it actually exists. (Money grabbing and evil) Drug companies love it though. :rolleyes:

Strong personal boundaries. No special treatment - this only makes people who behave badly push the boundaries of what will be accepted even more. It's taken as weakness rather than kindness.
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Didn't know you moonlighted as a psychiatrist in addition to being a mod on here. :rolleyes: Next you will say depression is just sadness and dementia is just forgetfulness.

Back on topic. I will have to disagree with Jacko here. If he talks to his ma that way then he deserved the ribbing you gave him.
 
As referees are we there to give children a ribbing? Or to act with dignity and respect and no let our emotions get the better of us.
 
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pankaye said:
Didn't know you moonlighted as a psychiatrist in addition to being a mod on here. :rolleyes: Next you will say depression is just sadness and dementia is just forgetfulness.
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Its an interesting subject ADHD and one which shows the power and influence of American drug companies. :)

Depression and dementia are very different things and very real for suffers and their families. I know you were joking, but still.
 
In some context jacko is right but I'd still gave him a red card to get him off the pitch and to stop causing me trouble for comment there you can just ignore it yea his team might have bad game but you don't say that infront of them
 
SM said:
Its an interesting subject ADHD and one which shows the power and influence of American drug companies. :)

Depression and dementia are very different things and very real for suffers and their families. I know you were joking, but still.
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again off topic but you think there aren't real suffers of ADHD? now you are joking
 
Lol I said it was contreversial. We are not going down this path though, back on topic.
 
The point is I didn't give him a drubbing ! I was very calm and concise when I spoke to him.
Regardless of his "condition" (I'll say it again, it doesn't exist) there was no way he was getting away without a retort.
 
Hartlepool_ref said:
The point is I didn't give him a drubbing ! I was very calm and concise when I spoke to him.
Regardless of his "condition" (I'll say it again, it doesn't exist) there was no way he was getting away without a retort.
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Personally I think you would have done better to just walk away. Whatever the score, and however well/badly any individual layer or behaved you did your job in the game and it is not wise to mention to players how many they lost by. We as referees need to be above that.
 
Not going to bother with some of the rather ignorant comments in here and just address all that's relevant to our role.

As a referee all you can do is deal with what's in front of you. If you let him get away with something because he supposedly (and I say supposedly, because I assume the referee isn't being presented with a medical certificate), then you have to let everybody else get away with something.

I can see scope to accept the comment at face value and take it into consideration for borderline situations, but if he needs to be booked then he needs to be booked.
 
ADHD does exist and is a common problem. BUT the blame for this must lie with the team manager,he knows his player suffers from ADHD he must know situations and confrontations can kick off ADHD at anytime, so as a manager if he knows that if his player gets involved in a situation that can trigger ADHD behaviour then this player should not be on the pitch,and really shouldn't be playing competitive football.
ADHD sufferers can get very violent.
 
Hartlepool_ref said:
...he walked away when all the other spectators from the other game I was watching started laughing. Craig 1-0 T*sser
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Hartlepool_ref said:
I didn't belittle him, I pointed out that sometimes you have to take responsibility for what happens. It was unfortunate that some spectators took it in the wrong context and laughed.
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Sorry H, your first post clearly suggested you enjoyed getting one-up on some annoying kid. At least stick to your guns and say that's what you were going for!
 
Trust me @Martiju I really do not get kicks out of "getting one up" on kids. The fact that the spectators laughed, bearing in mind some of them were parents from his own team, was unfortunate but what can I do about that ?
If I enjoyed chewing kids or getting one up on them I would have been a sadistic teacher at some hillbilly secondary school.
The fact I put craig 1-0 to**er was outlining the fact I was right and he was wrong to question me.

The point of this whole post was that 1. ADHD sufferers should get no special treatment. However if a manager of coach feels special treatment is necessary he should address it himself; it isn't up to me.
2. I don't care who they are, if they question me or my integrity I will respond and point out why they are wrong.

That's the problem with this country and the world... To many "do-gooders" and borderline hippies.
 
Important to notice that @Hartlepool_ref is 22 (I, myself, am 21), while some other refs here are 40 to 60. Clearly not the same relationship and way to talk with a 15yo ;)
 
Respect is a two-way street no matter what age you or the other party are. Personally, the conversation sounds disrespectful from both parties.
 
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