A&H

But he has ADHD ref !

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I'm not talking about strict respect
I'm saying that you talk differently with someone who's the same generation as you or with someone who's way younger/older than you. So when you picture this scene, keep in mind that the OP is 22, not 60
 
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Yacinho said:
I'm not talking about strict respect
I'm saying that you talk differently with someone who's the same generation as you or with someone who's way younger/older than you. So when you picture this scene, keep in mind that the OP is 22, not 60
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Being 22, 42 or 62 doesn't matter. The described conversation was disrespectful from both parties and using age as a reason doesn't make it respectful.
Your argument makes it sound as though its okay to speak to someone your own age in that manner. It isn't.
Maybe there's a cultural difference in France.
 
Yeah must be it

David Sutton said:
The described conversation was disrespectful from both parties
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When did I say otherwise ?
David Sutton said:
using age as a reason doesn't make it respectful.
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Did I ?

David Sutton said:
Your argument makes it sound as though its okay to speak to someone your own age in that manner. It isn't.
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You seem to hear whatever you want to


How is it possible that this :

I would probably think the same, and say the same had it of been an adult, but the fact that this is a 15 year old child

is right, but when I say that the fact that the op was 22 and not 60 is also relevant, it's wrong ?
 
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This all boils down to: If you give it out be prepared to have it back.
There's right and wrong ways depending on the situation.
In the case I discussed a little sh*t tried to berate me, instead he got a calm response that shut him up.
I could have severely belittled him by like shouting in his face and stuff, but I didn't. Because I was the referee simply defending himself.

if it was in the pub I worked in and someone mouthed off at me like he did they'd be getting more than a calm retort, but that's my private life not being a referee.
 
I've been very busy last week, had a stinking virus and spent my free time making 18 new referees on a course all weekend so I have been like the walking dead for about 4 days. Even when my mood has been at its worst, I'd never let a player like this win and by winning I mean by lowering myself to his level. I think you did that @Hartlepool_ref and I think you've let yourself down.

It can be tough but potentially snide comments to a player with mental health issues (yes anger management and ADHD falls into that category of medicine) is not the way to deal with the situation no matter what you thought of how he spoke to you on the field or to his mother. You are not the guardian of the nation's morals, you are a referee who got to interact with this young person for 80-90 minutes ONCE. His mother deals with him every single day.

It would have been far better not to bite, not to take the bait but to walk away. It denies him the oxygen his condition feeds on. He does what he does to get a reaction and you just gave him enough to live on for a week. He'll be a hero at school as the boy who got the referee to lose his cool and snap. I'm sure on reflection if you find yourself in the same situation, you'll not do the same thing twice.
 
I don't feel I have and I really couldn't care less if that's what you think.
If I could go back to Saturday I would do the exact same thing again.
Also, even though I keep explaining it... I did not "snap" or "loose my cool" I was very calm and concise when I spoke to him.
Of course because you're a child psychologist you seem to be aware of what makes kids like that tick, but I don't think my response to what he said would have made any difference to how he would have reacted after the game/at school as apose to if I didn't say anything.

To be honest this post has gone out of hand... Lots of people getting on very, very high horses.
 
Hartlepool_ref said:
I don't feel I have and I really couldn't care less if that's what you think.
If I could go back to Saturday I would do the exact same thing again.
Also, even though I keep explaining it... I did not "snap" or "loose my cool" I was very calm and concise when I spoke to him.
Of course because you're a child psychologist you seem to be aware of what makes kids like that tick, but I don't think my response to what he said would have made any difference to how he would have reacted after the game/at school as apose to if I didn't say anything.

To be honest this post has gone out of hand... Lots of people getting on very, very high horses.
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Child psychologist no, just a parent who has guided 4 angry children through their teen years and into reasonably settled adulthood. I learned my psyche thought the school of experience. Didn't get it all right but did ok.

I and others have offered feedback and looking at your last response you've ignored it. That's fine, it's no loss to me and others. Good luck with your refereeing.
 
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