Introduce myself to the managers when exchanging team sheets. I get the captains names at the toss and give them mine and my assistants. I almost never remember the captains name but usually refer to them as "skipper". Same with the captains and them calling me "ref". Thats just football. The key thing is knowing when to engage in conversation and when not to. And that changes from game to game as does the success rate of such exchanges.
Advice on handling interactions with players
Anubis
RefChat Addict
The only comversation i want is, hi how are you, have you got the team line!
True, but between pointing and his mates going "Oi Dave you ****, that's you", you usually get there in the end!All good until matey doesn't even know what number he is wearing
No worries. @socal lurker's post is a great place to start - bit of small talk like asking how their season's going, little chat around the team sheet and just asking the coach to be proactive on things like jewellery. Make sure you do the same with both teams if you have time.
Chat with the captains at the coin toss is generally just along the lines of framing it as them having the chance to help you out - keep it short and just tell them to control their mouthy players before you have to. Cheap trick, but using a little slang like mouthy/gobby (whatever's regionally appropriate!) will help humanise you and help the instruction stick in their head.
And there are a lot of different styles and approaches to take during the game, but in my experience there are a few things players respond well to - routinely quick explanation of why you've given a decision, honesty if you were unsighted for whatever reason, and good positioning/fitness so that you're close to fouls and it feels to the players like you're on top of things. The first time someone tries to steal a few yards on a FK, or refuses to give the ball back, an exasperated "come on, don't start that" goes a long way towards making them feel like the dickhead for that behaviour, rather than making you sound like a fussy schoolteacher.
Basically, there will be occasions where you need to drop into "formal" refereeing speak - for issuing cards, giving penalties or if you have to explain a decision based on some relatively obscure law technicality. You'll get a lot more slack in those moments if you've previously managed to build up a good informal rapport with the socially important players on each team - beware that this won't always be the one with the armband!
Justylove
RefChat Addict
I refereed a public school game with one very well known school playing. I cautioned one of the players for a reckless tackle and he said "I'm terribly sorry sir, that was a shocking tackle and I fully accept o deserve a yellow card"
At first I thought he was taking the p*** but he was deadly serious. He came up and apologized to me after the game for putting me in the position where I had to book him
Kes
I'll Decide ...
Of course I don't.
I always introduce myself to coaches and Captains by my christian name. Once the game starts though, they all just gravitate to addressing me as "Ref" (which is how it should be).
I certainly don't want any players on the field addressing me as anything else (apart from maybe the two Captains since I've told them my name
)."Familiarity" like that can so easily be misconstrued. If you have one team that you've never reffed before hearing, the other team's players calling you by your first name, what do you suppose they'd think?
You're there to do a professional job from an objective point of view - not make new drinking buddies!!
The respect thing is a two-way street. I show it to them by using their names (if known) and they reciprocate by addressing me as "Ref".
Why anybody would think the players should be addressing you as anything else is frankly, beyond me ...
Anubis
RefChat Addict
Of course I don't.
I always introduce myself to coaches and Captains by my christian name. Once the game starts though, they all just gravitate to addressing me as "Ref" (which is how it should be).
I certainly don't want any players on the field addressing me as anything else (apart from maybe the two Captains since I've told them my name
"Familiarity" like that can so easily be misconstrued. If you have one team that you've never reffed before hearing, the other team's players calling you by your first name, what do you suppose they'd think?
You're there to do a professional job from an objective point of view - not make new drinking buddies!!
The respect thing is a two-way street. I show it to them by using their names (if known) and they reciprocate by addressing me as "Ref".
Why anybody would think the players should be addressing you as anything else is frankly, beyond me ...
beyond you why a human being would interact communication wise by use of ones name....
Ref, is generic,
Kes, is you.
cant answer for you but am not a number.
ps, half just jesting but as much as ref is standard fayre, your name is unique to you as your refereeing is, ref, just puts you in a basket with last weeks and next weeks ref, and, guessing you are individual to those!
Kes
I'll Decide ...
That first sentence of yours isn't what I said at all (and I think you know that anyway
)There are pitfalls a plenty for the ref who wants to be the players' "mate" and have them addressing him/her by their name - I've already alluded to one of them.
I'll often hear the tired old cliche "There's two teams here Ref" from a player or coach who perceives that things aren't going the way of their team from a "whistle" point of view. I'd hate to think that one team said/thought that as a result of hearing their opponents all addressing me as "Kes" suggesting a question around my impartiality. It's not rocket science.
As for your last sentence above - the game isn't about me. It's about the players. I'm just there to facilitate it within the framework of the LOTG.
I never made a point of giving my name before the game.
I was once asked by a coach what my name was before a game, I gave it but had a funny feeling about it .. guess what happened next
"(my name) THAT'S A FREEE!!!!!!!"
"(my name) HOW IS THAT F*****G OFFSIDE!!!????"
It hit very different to when it's just "Ref", of course he anticipated this effect and it's why he asked!
Never again. Since then I am "Mr. Surname"
I was once asked by a coach what my name was before a game, I gave it but had a funny feeling about it .. guess what happened next
"(my name) THAT'S A FREEE!!!!!!!"
"(my name) HOW IS THAT F*****G OFFSIDE!!!????"
It hit very different to when it's just "Ref", of course he anticipated this effect and it's why he asked!
Never again. Since then I am "Mr. Surname"
In teaching you would tend towards the use of "thank you" as it sets the presumption that they will be carrying out your instruction.
It turns a request into an instruction, but also thanks them in advance for their help and compliance. Sometimes it is a request (please), but mostly it will be instruction.
Thank you for liking this post.
Anubis
RefChat Addict
could not disagree more if I tried.
our schools referee course makes reference to giving name and captains will introduce themselves with a, am xxxx, if you dont say, they are quick to ask , whats your name
you might just have had a bad apple. That said, with or without your first name being used, you are equipped with the tools to combat the coaches behaviour.
coach 1, referee 0 on this occasion
as referee you need to be the one ahead
Well I recounted the situation to my league observer, I was specifically told I should not have given my name and should have said I am Mr. Surname, and if coaches want our name they can contact the league.
2 weeks later at a referee panel meeting this point was again brought up by the observer - do not give your first name. Not sure I'd agree that because I didn't give my name before he asked it means he scored a point though. It was clear why he had asked and how he intended to use my name as soon as the game began.
Kes
I'll Decide ...
The coach generally needs your name for the League form anyway, else he'll be allocating club marks to "AN Other".
Strange thing for your Observer to say. There's nothing wrong with you introducing yourself by Christian name to anybody you meet on match day mate.
As regards the moaning/dissent from the coach, I can't see how it makes much of a difference him screaming "Bob/whatever" or "Ref" whilst he does it. The effect is surely the same. (It's definitely you he's shouting at.
).Well I referee in Ireland and things are slightly different. No such thing as club marks exist, there's no actual need for the coaches to know our names.The coach generally needs your name for the League form anyway, else he'll be allocating club marks to "AN Other".
Strange thing for your Observer to say. There's nothing wrong with you introducing yourself by Christian name to anybody you meet on match day mate.
As regards the moaning/dissent from the coach, I can't see how it makes much of a difference him screaming "Bob/whatever" or "Ref" whilst he does it. The effect is surely the same. (It's definitely you he's shouting at.
I accept be it Jimmy or referee that's yelled, it's still at me, but there's a barrier that exists when it's just 'ref'. It hits different to my actual name, maybe because I've never been called by it during a match
Kes
I'll Decide ...
Okay, well that's me told then. (Sorry, I had no idea).
Each to their own I guess.
Maybe it resonated with some deeply-held psychological issue you have with having your name yelled out? School teacher stuff?
socal lurker
RefChat Addict
Interesting discussion. I would never consider not sharing my name with coaches--and I try to remember theirs, too. In my experience, the more I work to come across as human fellow human, as opposed to the anonymous guy out there with a whistle, the more likely the coaches are to treaty me like a person rather than an object.
PinnerPaul
RefChat Addict
Think I can trump that, one of my colleagues, who officiates with me at this school, had a decision 'queried' by 3 schoolboy spectators - given the school, it really was just that, he said, expressing a disagreement with the decision, no swearing or personal abuse. A few days later he received a letter from each boy apologising for their behaviour (prompted by the teacher in charge, no doubt, but still pretty impressive!)I refereed a public school game with one very well known school playing. I cautioned one of the players for a reckless tackle and he said "I'm terribly sorry sir, that was a shocking tackle and I fully accept o deserve a yellow card"
At first I thought he was taking the p*** but he was deadly serious. He came up and apologized to me after the game for putting me in the position where I had to book him
On that subject, the main difference with these public school matches and nearly all other games is that the players actually listen to you - most of the time.
Its such a nice experience when you tell someone to calm down and they do or explain a decision and they actually listen, understand and accept.
PinnerPaul
RefChat Addict
Don't the teamsheets have your full name on, so does whatever method is used by most competitions to tell the clubs who the referee is?
Seems bizarre and a bit futile to try to keep your first name a secret from the coaches.