The Ref Stop

Open Age Absolute Disaster

D

dylan22

New Member
Level 7 Referee
Well, where to begin? Match ended 3-3, six bookings, two penalties (inc. one in the last minute) and sent a spectator off. Ended with both teams cursing my name, refusing to shake my hand and me leaving rather quickly. And this from my first league game.

First half was pretty good I thought, a fair amount of dissent from the three of the away team players, including and most prominently their captain, home team 3-0 up at half time everything going swimmingly.

Second half, all hell broke loose. Lots of little niggling tackles, I let them go and shouldn't have done I know. Play then descending into tackles flying in and coach and spectators from away team as well as most of away team getting gobby. Five bookings for away team, three dissent and two for fouls. One booking for home team, bad foul on edge of the box which away team score from. Six in total.

Spectator who had been giving abuse since the beginning of half time for away team said I didn't know what I was doing said I was "f**king s**t" and "ruining the f'ing game". Went over to the away team manager who was very polite, I confirmed the spectator was with him and then manager asked him to get over the other side of the barrier.

Lots of dissent from away subs too, saying I needed to add time on and a few came over to me at the end to say that I blew up early and should've added time on.

I booked no.5 from the home team and then booked no. 5 from the away team, then proceeded to show him a second yellow?! - I thought he'd already been booked, my mistake obviously damn stupid one at that. Cue lots of dissent from EVERYONE. Bad tackle by an away player, lots of dissent. 2 minutes left and he was squaring up, kind of, and getting in my face, said I would only book him as the game was almost over. I know that was wrong but I wanted to get out of there. Lots of them saying I wasn't fit to ref or that I'd ruined the game.

Last minute, home team 3-2 up, defender slides in the box, one leg initially but then two legs and tangled with the attacker, won the ball, but two feet I thought so gave the pen. Last minute 3-3, penalty scored, blew up.

Players all left, no one shook my hand. Away team players came over asked for my name said they'll be speaking to the FA. Away team manager who was very nice told them to go away and we had a chat. I told him this was my first game, he said as a tip to be firmer and blow up earlier. Agreed that it was a pen which was good.

Other than that, grabbed my bag and went to the car. Filed my misconduct reports, didn't take first names though so some players aren't appearing on whole game but I've put surnames and numbers. Filed misconduct for sending the spectator off too.

I don't know will the FA get in touch with me to discuss or anything? I imagine my scores from the teams will be awful.

Come away feeling dejected and bloody useless. Awful, guys.
 
The Ref Stop
The away team manager sounds pleasant, which is common actually. It seems you would be more suited to do a few junior games before doing adults. It can be tough and intimidating for anyone starting out and it can contribute to the decisions you make. I also recommend you get your observer to come and they can help a lot.
 
Mate - I am sorry but you have made me feel a lot better!

My first game this weekend since I went though the basic course in July. It seems like ages ago so worried that I had forgotten everything! Had little contact with mentor or FA before, so thought I would give it a go. It was a mens league game and it was all ok.. until kick off!

One team had 2 or 3 very gobby players. I was struggling to keep up with pace and get my positioning correct for the first 20 mins and as a consequence missed a few minor tackles, and probably one or two big ones. Cue lots of shouting. I tried to assert myself on the game and did whistle for a few fouls, cue more moaning as I had clearly missed worse earlier on. It escalated from there until about 5 mins before half time and a massive punch up occurred between to players. I whistled like crazy and left them to punch each other out until captains waded in. I sent them both off. Manager shouting at me at half time that it was my fault, I should not have let it escalate. He was correct, but I had no choice but to send them off once punches had flown in.

Confidence was getting low at the beginning of the second half. Still struggling to adjust, rain lashing down and I missed substitutions twice, much to the players amusement. Lots of comments about how crap I was from the gobby team. Home team still being nice, but they were winning 5-2 at this point. I totally lost control by the end of the game, whistle went quiet and I didn't even know which way some of the throw ins should have gone.. just had to be confident.

After the game, more grumbles from the away side. I got changed and got out of there as quickly as possible. Didn't even hang around for a fee.

I hated every minute of it. I have no idea how I can improve because I did not have anyone there helping/mentoring. Its got me thinking I am not cut out for it to be honest. Dejected, and want to take a break from it.

I also have a new found respect for you referee's. Its been an expensive way to find out that I am not that good at it and don't enjoy doing it. I may give it another go at some point in the future, maybe youth. But - at the moment I just don't feel like I can do it again.
 
Dylan - keep your head up, we've all been there. I had to abandon my fifth game after I passed my course because it broke out in a 40 man brawl and one of the players I sent off squared up and told me he was gonna 'get me' after the game. Seriously, we've all had games like it, and we all have games like it on occasion, regardless of how long we've been refereeing.

Firstly, try not to pay too much attention to players opinions. I'm not saying that it's not worth cautioning them for dissent, just try not to let them get into your head. Players and spectators see everything differently because they're supporting one of the teams, and for this reason, 90% of your decisions will look 'wrong' to 50% of the people there. And those that disagree with you are always more vocal than those that agree with you. This can often give you the impression that you're making lots of mistakes, when in reality you're not. Once you start doubting yourself, everything goes downhill. You've got to stay focused, positive, and most of all confident while you're out on the pitch.

By the sound of it, the only thing that you did 'wrong' so to speak was letting a few fouls go. When you do this, the fouls get worse and worse. When this does start to happen in the future, you'll recognise it. Just make sure you stamp down on it. Even the top referees have moments when they switch off momentarily, and miss a few tackles, which causes the temperature of the game to rise. Don't worry that things seemed to get a bit out of control, because it honestly happens to all of us from time to time! And bear in mind that you will always come away from a match like this thinking you've done a far worse job of refereeing it than you actually did. Try to think back over the game and pick out some positives. How was your movement and positioning? You've obviously got the courage to deal with dissent and bad challenges properly which is a huge positive for a newly qualified referee. Also, well done for binning the spectator - he obviously deserved it, and many refs would've turned a blind ear to save themselves the hassle.

Refereeing is new to you, and you've got to make allowances for that. Nobody goes out for their first game and handles it perfectly. I've heard similar accounts of first games from lots of very good referees. It's only by making mistakes that we learn and develop.

I doubt your CFA will get in contact with you, but they may do to ask for more information about your misconduct report. If they do, just answer everything honestly and to the best of your ability. They will back you every step of the way. Don't worry about club marks - they're totally irrelevant, and nobody really pays any attention to them until you hit level 4.

By the sound of it, you've been thrown in the deep end a bit with a really tough first game. It's over now, look back at areas you feel you need to improve on, but don't dwell on them too much. Focus on the positives, and take them with you into your next game. Chances are you'll end up with a much more docile game, and you'll get to experience the enjoyable side of refereeing that keeps us all going week-in, week-out. Keep your head up, and well done for making it through your first game! :D
 
@dylan22 and @Paul Clarke they make it look easy on the telly don't they?

It's not. Not everyone is so gifted as to be able to go out and referee their first game like Howard Webb in his pomp or Michael Oliver/Martin Atkinson/Mike Dean it takes years of experience and training but most of all it takes grit and determination. I'll guarantee that more than half the people who post on this forum could have gone to your game today and experienced exactly the same thing, despite their experience. It's almost certainly the first Sunday of the new league season, it's your first game and it sounds like the players were just like Sunday league players always are.

Pick yourselves up, dust yourselves down and vow never to make the same mistakes you made today. Instead go out and make some new ones and the week after make some others. If you can make sure you don't repeat a mistake and learn from each one, you'll become a good referee.
 
Starting out as a ref is hard. Good news though, it gets a damn sight easier with time and experience. :) Have a look through the older forum posts, every season a crop of new referees go through some version of what you have gone through.

First thing for both of you; consider joining your local referee association. Lots of experience and support. Those guys were brand new once also. Also make use of this forum - we too were brand new once as well. Maybe not @Brian Hamilton though. Legend has it he was born refereeing! ;)

Second thing; you are not refereeing to be popular or make friends on the pitch. Get that out of your heads if you have any notion that this is how to referee. Everyone wants to be the "players friend" referee that everyone loves to have officiating their games before that first game - it's never going to happen. You are there to do a job. Some players will not like that even if you have the innate refereeing ability of Howard Webb!

Thirdly; don't be afraid of those cards in your pocket, they are truly your flexible friends. Early on, new referees can go too hard with them or don't want to get them out at all - the trick is knowing when they are needed. Now I'm not saying go all Charles Bronson with them, but they are there when needed. Give it time, you'll learn when they are needed and when they are not. In the meantime, if you're getting abuse or hearing a lot of dissent and feeing the line has certainly been crossed...

Finally; it gets a lot easier with experience and time spent in the pitch. Like any skill, practise makes perfect! You know the laws of the game, applying them while running around a football pitch takes some time to perfect. It will come.

As for now, game 1 complete - Head up, chest out. Don't let the b'strads grind you down.

Ps - players asking your name and saying they are going to report you? We have all had this. :rolleyes: I've had "I'll report you and make sure you never referee again!" once. No worries here's my name. Good luck with that.

That was a couple of seasons ago now... Still waiting...
 
Not quite @SM but being the grandson of a Regimental Sergeant Major, growing up in Belfast in the early 70s and having followed LUFC home and away for more than 10 seasons does tend to add a little bit of grit. I had a disaster in my first few games too. One that stands out was when I let play continue after a 12 year old took a hard shot in the nuts. His team conceded the only goal in a tournament cup final. My second one was issuing 4 cautions in a game without a bad foul (yeah right). Then there was the game where I was assessed and cautioned 11, sent one off (one of the most gentle players I've ever met) and had a misconduct report.
 
@dylan22 and @Paul Clarke get your chins up fellas.

We have all been there. We have all lost control of games and been blamed for the actions of players after that.

The trick is not to let it happen more than once!

In all seriousness there is one way of looking at it at this point - it's happened, you can't go back in time and change it, so think about it in close detail.

When did it start to go wrong? Why? What was your reaction? What would you do next time to prevent re-occurrence if it started going the same way in your next game?

Gaining experience is about being in these situations and learning from them. I guarantee every referee on here has had experiences like yours at some point.

Was it uncomfortable and cringeworthy at the time? Yes. Did I feel like sh¡t? Absolutely. Am I now grateful for the experience so I know how important it is to avoid the same scenario? DEFINITELY!
 
Don't be hesitant to use your cards....the sooner you get them out and show players that you won't stand for their nonsense the easier things will become.
 
Some excellent advice as usual from everyone.

A general "control" point, which has helped me in the past & still does.

You both referred to game getting out of control and I compare that to when we all learned to drive. When you first get in the car it seems as if it is in control and not you! Of course its not, and we have the pedals to control it and can even turn it off whenever we like!

A football match can feel like that at times, remember you are in control.

Stop the game, issue cards if necessary, get captains over to help, get spectators removed - the same with officials and if you feel your personal safety is compromised or anyone's else's for that matter - abandon. YOU are in control, not the players.

Experience, like with driving, will help, easy to say but not really much help if your game next week is your 2nd match!

Just try to remember, to a large extent the pace of the game is down to you - generally, if you slow it down, (most of) the heat will go.

DO take your time with cautions, write down both the names of player, DO pace out distance at free kicks, DO take a little longer to get in position. You might find players will moan but what they won't realise is that you have taken their mind off last decision/"injustice"!

Hope next games are a breeze for you both - they may not be, but sure they will be more enjoyable.

Keep at it.
 
Gentlemen, thank you very much all for your responses. All incredibly helpful and encouraging.

It's good to hear I'm not the only one who's been in this boat before. I suppose I'm more just disappointed with how it went because I was actually really looking forward to it and couldn't even imagine it being as bad as it was, and the worst part is that I came away feeling as though I'd alienated both teams - I know it's not my job to appease them - and feeling as though I had failed.

In terms of the worst aspects of the game, the whinging was the absolute worst. Just constant in my ear from one team - a few players in particular - throughout the entire game. I gave warnings - perhaps too many - and then cautions, but it just wouldn't stop. It was like being in a nursery with screaming kids for ninety minutes. Any tips for controlling this kind of thing better?

Another game tomorrow, U-18s. Yesterday I was on the verge of cancelling and giving myself a week to get back to it, but I've made a commitment to it and I'm going to go in firm, whistle in hand.

Thanks again to everyone who's contributed, it's really appreciated.
 
takes me back (only a year ago) to my first game and i can appreciate how you feel .
what i really want is to go back and get on a game for either team that were involved.
next time you take these teams you will be a better ref, in fact you'll probably find your a better ref tomorrow with the U18s
 
dylan22 said:
Gentlemen, thank you very much all for your responses. All incredibly helpful and encouraging.

It's good to hear I'm not the only one who's been in this boat before. I suppose I'm more just disappointed with how it went because I was actually really looking forward to it and couldn't even imagine it being as bad as it was, and the worst part is that I came away feeling as though I'd alienated both teams - I know it's not my job to appease them - and feeling as though I had failed.

In terms of the worst aspects of the game, the whinging was the absolute worst. Just constant in my ear from one team - a few players in particular - throughout the entire game. I gave warnings - perhaps too many - and then cautions, but it just wouldn't stop. It was like being in a nursery with screaming kids for ninety minutes. Any tips for controlling this kind of thing better?

Another game tomorrow, U-18s. Yesterday I was on the verge of cancelling and giving myself a week to get back to it, but I've made a commitment to it and I'm going to go in firm, whistle in hand.

Thanks again to everyone who's contributed, it's really appreciated.
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On the specific point of "moaning".
Just go through the warnings

Quiet word
Public Word
Public word with capt
Yellow
2nd Yellow or red

Start on FIRST dissent -even the mildest "ref!" comment.

Its surprising how if you let a few moans go without ANY comment at all, it will escalate.

Experience thing again - after a while you will learn when to rebuke and not, but no harm can come from a simple "quiet player" or even a "not to me" - (almost) anything really to a) engage; b) warn and c) set out your stall out to all that there will be no dissent that goes "unpunished" if that makes sense!
 
Deciding when to stop the warning and start the carding is something I still struggle with and I know I'm usually too slow with it. It sounds like you get very unlucky with your choice of match, as I usually find that when I do start getting the cards out for dissent, players will realise a line has been crossed and back down - it's very unusual in my experience for players to continue challenging you in the same manner after the second dissent caution.

Others have given very good advice about slowing the game down when the temperature starts to rise. I'm not sure everyone will agree with this, but I do sometimes find myself thinking "I need to get a yellow out now" when things start getting a bit spicy. One too many warnings or "quiet words" and players will feel like you're not going to get the cards out at all and they can get away with anything - it can be a good idea at this point to prove them wrong at the next opportunity! If you feel like the whinging is getting too much, make it clear to the captain that your "final warning" applies to his entire team and do not hesitate to then get the cards out the next time you hear a word from anyone.

Try to enjoy your U18 match tomorrow - matches like the previous one you had should be the exception rather than the rule.
 
Paul Clarke said:
Mate - I am sorry but you have made me feel a lot better!

My first game this weekend since I went though the basic course in July. It seems like ages ago so worried that I had forgotten everything! Had little contact with mentor or FA before, so thought I would give it a go. It was a mens league game and it was all ok.. until kick off!

One team had 2 or 3 very gobby players. I was struggling to keep up with pace and get my positioning correct for the first 20 mins and as a consequence missed a few minor tackles, and probably one or two big ones. Cue lots of shouting. I tried to assert myself on the game and did whistle for a few fouls, cue more moaning as I had clearly missed worse earlier on. It escalated from there until about 5 mins before half time and a massive punch up occurred between to players. I whistled like crazy and left them to punch each other out until captains waded in. I sent them both off. Manager shouting at me at half time that it was my fault, I should not have let it escalate. He was correct, but I had no choice but to send them off once punches had flown in.

Confidence was getting low at the beginning of the second half. Still struggling to adjust, rain lashing down and I missed substitutions twice, much to the players amusement. Lots of comments about how crap I was from the gobby team. Home team still being nice, but they were winning 5-2 at this point. I totally lost control by the end of the game, whistle went quiet and I didn't even know which way some of the throw ins should have gone.. just had to be confident.

After the game, more grumbles from the away side. I got changed and got out of there as quickly as possible. Didn't even hang around for a fee.

I hated every minute of it. I have no idea how I can improve because I did not have anyone there helping/mentoring. Its got me thinking I am not cut out for it to be honest. Dejected, and want to take a break from it.

I also have a new found respect for you referee's. Its been an expensive way to find out that I am not that good at it and don't enjoy doing it. I may give it another go at some point in the future, maybe youth. But - at the moment I just don't feel like I can do it again.
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Sorry to hear it was such a **** experience Paul. If you had no mentor present (which you should have had) then you should have given me a buzz and I'd have come out. I'll PM you later and we can chat if you like. :)
 
@Paul Clarke @dylan22 ... Welcome to refereeing guys, I hope you enjoyed your tutorial !!

Sounds like you both had pretty lousy games, but this is refereeing!

the best thing you can do is saddle that horse back up and jump on!

you'll have ups and downs all the way - even at the top (I'm sure Graham Poll wanted to sink into the ground with his triple card trick!) but the experience you gain is great ...

try to get yourselves onto a higher up league with NAR - I know for a fact working with/watching etc a level 3/4 has helped loads, everything from my 'coin toss talk with the captains' to my pre-match warm up and how I conduct myself on the pitch ... you'll find most refs (especially if you are young) will help you out as much as they can and spread wisdom onto you ...

we are a friendly family after all!

good luck with your game tomorrow @dylan22 - knock 'em dead!
 
Charlie Jones said:
@Paul Clarke @dylan22 ... Welcome to refereeing guys, I hope you enjoyed your tutorial !!

Sounds like you both had pretty lousy games, but this is refereeing!

the best thing you can do is saddle that horse back up and jump on!

you'll have ups and downs all the way - even at the top (I'm sure Graham Poll wanted to sink into the ground with his triple card trick!) but the experience you gain is great ...

try to get yourselves onto a higher up league with NAR - I know for a fact working with/watching etc a level 3/4 has helped loads, everything from my 'coin toss talk with the captains' to my pre-match warm up and how I conduct myself on the pitch ... you'll find most refs (especially if you are young) will help you out as much as they can and spread wisdom onto you ...

we are a friendly family after all!

good luck with your game tomorrow @dylan22 - knock 'em dead!
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Great advice from Charlie about getting AR appointments.

Good variety of leagues you an do as a level 7 AR as well. You learn and are part of a team - whats not to like?!
 
its harder than it looks isnt it guys, lol as the others have said making it look easy is hard work, i tell the young referees in my association everytime you make a decision one team doesnt like it, and we dont give you nice shiney cards to keep them in your pocket, stick with it dont be afraid to ask questions we are a decent bunch really
 
dylan22 said:
Gentlemen, thank you very much all for your responses. All incredibly helpful and encouraging.

It's good to hear I'm not the only one who's been in this boat before. I suppose I'm more just disappointed with how it went because I was actually really looking forward to it and couldn't even imagine it being as bad as it was, and the worst part is that I came away feeling as though I'd alienated both teams - I know it's not my job to appease them - and feeling as though I had failed.

In terms of the worst aspects of the game, the whinging was the absolute worst. Just constant in my ear from one team - a few players in particular - throughout the entire game. I gave warnings - perhaps too many - and then cautions, but it just wouldn't stop. It was like being in a nursery with screaming kids for ninety minutes. Any tips for controlling this kind of thing better?

Another game tomorrow, U-18s. Yesterday I was on the verge of cancelling and giving myself a week to get back to it, but I've made a commitment to it and I'm going to go in firm, whistle in hand.

Thanks again to everyone who's contributed, it's really appreciated.
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@dylan22 - about the moaning. The changeover point from querying to dissent is when they question your ability.

Players can and will query / moan about decisions, as it is against them. Give them a second to respond. If they continue after more than a few seconds and definitely after the restart, then it is dissent. The first two are unlucky, but the rest will then fall silent. It is amazing that the threat of a £10 fine shuts them up.
 
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