@Men in Black The praise will only come from yourself. And I think this is one of the crucial things about being a ref - self-evaluation. You know in your hearts of hearts whether you've had a good game. If each player thinks you're being biased to the other team, you're probably doing something right...
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I was quite pleased with my advantage call that led to a goal but I’m probably the only person on that pitch that day that thought well done ref well played.
I agree though we our own biggest critics we know when we’ve done well or not, problem is only 3 games in ive got a lot to criticise
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To be honest it’s my own fault I live in a good area for leagues of all ages, I chose to ref adult football & the league I ref in, a lot of people on my course chose to start in youth / kids footy to build experience but billy big nuts here thought he was above youth football and wanted to jump straight in the deep end.
Part of the reason in my defence though was parents I didn’t want to ref a match and deal with parents Aswell, I might have a go at youth footy soon though to see how it differs.
But this was my owh choice to ref adult footy, U could be right it should maybe be standard practise to do your five games at a certain age level just to get you into it.
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I was quite pleased with my advantage call that led to a goal but I’m probably the only person on that pitch that day that thought well done ref well played.
I agree though we our own biggest critics we know when we’ve done well or not, problem is only 3 games in ive got a lot to criticise
Lighten up and ease it a bit on yourself mate!
the most important aspect you have is that you are self critical, aware of your shortcomings (i think of them as development points to work on) and that will be your best asset. Unfortunately you rarely get "praised" in football as a referee but it does happen. Other ways of recognition will come when you've had more games under your belt would be that tasty game that everyone wants, that local derby, that cup fixture, a final, promotion at end of the season, a good assessment (rare as they maybe 
), a pat on the back from a fellow referee(assistant) saying well done today. and most importantly from your inner self knowing that did a good job, that you reffed it fairly and that you achieved what you set out before the match! Chin up brother, your ride is about to get more enjoyable if you choose to stay on it 
If your looking for praise you will get the odd comment but players are concentrating on winning. Give an advantage players will say they want a free kick. Give a free kick they want the advantage. Thats reffing. Players can be complete numpties during the game but at the end are all matey at the end. You get your satisfaction from coming off a game and think I did that well despite the protestations of both teams who both thought you were rubbish. A few weeks ago I was the best ref a team had all season 2 games later I am being told by the manager I cost them the game. Enjoy the challenge you will have shockers and we all have moments of doubt. A few weeks ago I did an OA game and I thought I had done ok but the 2 teams had a different opinion and it knocked my confidence a bit. In retrospect I should of got my cards out earlier and I think I lost control of the game. You have to just get back on to the next game and use the bad experiences as learning tools. You learn more from your bad games than you do your good ones. You are never going to get rugby style respect in football.
Ciley Myrus
RefChat Addict
Sometimes folk say it best when they say nothing at all....
When that situation happens to me, I can see me saying something like, still want the foul? Or so on.
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It’s amazing how quickly you can start to lose grip of a game, I haven’t lost complete grip & nothing of note has happened but i find it difficult sometimes to keep on top of every little thing and end up letting things go, the biggest thing I find is I feel like I’m slightly inconveniencing them by blowing the whistle for law breaks or such like, crazy as it sounds but once again it goes back to the transition from player to ref, I’m there to enforce the law and it’s something I need to keep telling myself, I’m not there to be there pal & make it nice for them I’m there to ref.
I got myself into a really tricky situation Sunday it’s a bit of a head in hands moment, ball gets played forward flag goes up for offside but ball ends up in keepers hands so I said play on & turn my back for a second, next thing you know the keeper has walked out of his area with the ball to place it down for a free kick thinking it was offside.
So I thought f*ck sake here we go, straight away opposing player throws a fit, instantly I thought whatever happens I’m not doing the keeper for this, so I blew the whistle and told the keeper to get back in his area with the ball and play on, crazy I know but the game was at 4-0 and I thought I was to blame slightly for allowing play to continue but in hindsight the keeper was to blame I never blew for the offside so I guess I should have done him for it, anyway opposing player gave it to me for it “ref u can’t change the rules” he was right but I thought I had a part to blame for it so I’ll take this one for the keeper.
In hindsight I could have just blown for the offside when the keeper left the area with the ball in his hands and said sorry lads for the late whistle it was offside.
But the biggest thing I need to be careful of and learn is don’t get to clever with ignoring offside calls and letting the ball roll back to the keeper etc if it’s offside from now on no matter how much I just want to ignore and let the keeper retain possession I’m blowing for offside.
Any thoughts on my classic howler, I’m building quite a portfolio
I got myself into a really tricky situation Sunday it’s a bit of a head in hands moment, ball gets played forward flag goes up for offside but ball ends up in keepers hands so I said play on & turn my back for a second, next thing you know the keeper has walked out of his area with the ball to place it down for a free kick thinking it was offside.
So I thought f*ck sake here we go, straight away opposing player throws a fit, instantly I thought whatever happens I’m not doing the keeper for this, so I blew the whistle and told the keeper to get back in his area with the ball and play on, crazy I know but the game was at 4-0 and I thought I was to blame slightly for allowing play to continue but in hindsight the keeper was to blame I never blew for the offside so I guess I should have done him for it, anyway opposing player gave it to me for it “ref u can’t change the rules” he was right but I thought I had a part to blame for it so I’ll take this one for the keeper.
In hindsight I could have just blown for the offside when the keeper left the area with the ball in his hands and said sorry lads for the late whistle it was offside.
But the biggest thing I need to be careful of and learn is don’t get to clever with ignoring offside calls and letting the ball roll back to the keeper etc if it’s offside from now on no matter how much I just want to ignore and let the keeper retain possession I’m blowing for offside.
Any thoughts on my classic howler, I’m building quite a portfolio
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Done it a few times allowed advantage that ends up in a goal or corner or decent attack, I’ll have a little word with the victim who wanted the free kick & say you still want it.
But I’m cutting this out from now on, just gonna consentrate and save the banter for the future.
For what it's worth I had similar problems, my background was rugby and I too struggled with decisions. This was right up to the point that I started open age and got myself observed a few times in that first season. It taught me that I was always 'right' even when I was wrong, I'd worry about those decisions after the match. As for whistle to mouth before I'd made a decision......took me weeks to iron that out even to the point of blowing quite late......
Keep at it, "things will only get better".
Keep at it, "things will only get better".
If you want praising for doing something right then it may be a long wait. Forget all that stuff, its not a popularity contest (Unless your in need of a few club marks
).... You're in it for all the players, you'll never please them all, some you will never please, chin up, chest out, you, my son are a B'stard in Black!! 
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If you want praising for doing something right then it may be a long wait. Forget all that stuff, its not a popularity contest (Unless your in need of a few club marks
B’stard in Black you’ve just given me a whole new outlook on things, i think I might enjoy this
I picked up a bad habit early on and it stayed with me. It should have been coached out of me but I was on my lonesome so I kept doing it for a good part of my career. I used to prefer the whistle in my mouth at most times, especially in a tough game where almost instant whistles seemed to help my match control tremendously, I accept it probably isn’t right or coached but it worked for me. On the lower key games I didn’t tend to do it but an instant peep is a great deterrent in a techy game which most of them were.
You’ll have to learn your particular style and tolerance level, it will come hopefully. We’ve all had dark days at the office, sometimes self inflicted but usually in my case I was an innocent bystander to idiots doing there worst!
You’ll have to learn your particular style and tolerance level, it will come hopefully. We’ve all had dark days at the office, sometimes self inflicted but usually in my case I was an innocent bystander to idiots doing there worst!
SurreySuperRef
Active Member
If there's one thing that refereeing has in common with playing football, is that confidence makes you a better player/referee.
Think of it like that. If you're a player and your head is constantly down instead of looking up, you aren't communicating effectively, your body language is all negative and you look like you're second guessing yourself every time, you'll have a terrible game as a player.
The same is true as a referee. You'll be much better off for appearing confident, calm and in control. You're only three games in so don't expect any amazing performances yet, that'll come down the line with experience.
Just remember, every referee you see on sky or BT sport, they started at the exact same level and position as you. They had their own first games. Howard Webb went from refereeing on public parks on a Sunday to officiating a world cup final in front of millions, and he's been in the exact same position as you.
Now I'm not saying you'll get that far, or even if that's your aspiration, but it's something to keep in mind when you're second guessing yourself. Virtually every referee has been in the same position as you, regardless of level and ability.
Think of it like that. If you're a player and your head is constantly down instead of looking up, you aren't communicating effectively, your body language is all negative and you look like you're second guessing yourself every time, you'll have a terrible game as a player.
The same is true as a referee. You'll be much better off for appearing confident, calm and in control. You're only three games in so don't expect any amazing performances yet, that'll come down the line with experience.
Just remember, every referee you see on sky or BT sport, they started at the exact same level and position as you. They had their own first games. Howard Webb went from refereeing on public parks on a Sunday to officiating a world cup final in front of millions, and he's been in the exact same position as you.
Now I'm not saying you'll get that far, or even if that's your aspiration, but it's something to keep in mind when you're second guessing yourself. Virtually every referee has been in the same position as you, regardless of level and ability.
Don't worry about it, most new referees struggle and doubt whether they have made the right decision. I was really, really poor in my first few games and wasn't sure it was the right thing for me, but I stuck with it. I went on to have 10 years at level 4 and then 3, so I can't have been as bad as I thought I was.
I ALWAYS make sure I’m near someone on the run back and go “and that boys is why we play advantage!”
With a smug look... you won’t get the praise - but to any ref it’s self kudos!!
It is early days yet, but you will sometimes get praise from teams after the game.
It has happened a few times for me. One of the last games I refereed this season, I had a manager and player come into the dressing room post-match to say how excellent my performance was. I've heard feedback through people in the crowd, who talk amongst themselves and have said whether I'm good or not right there and then.
Mind you, the first game I had this season, the assessor was told by both teams I was the best ref they'd had all year.
Teams will quickly compare you to to everyone else in the league, they'll recognise if you have talent. One of the best pieces of praise you can get is being asked to cover their friendly matches on a regular basis, that says they bank on you to make the right calls and do well in the off-season. (Or you're local and cheap
)Having said that... For every team that thinks I'm one of the best referees out there, there's one that thinks I'm awful. With experience, you'll learn to decide whether their claims have merit; some teams are just downright uppity that you're a referee, full stop. I've had, not abuse, but a word in my ear because I gave a 'soft' penalty for pushing, that made me a terrible referee apparently, but sod them, I was right, end of story. Sometimes, they'll have value in their complaints - these are the things you need to look out for, say, you were inconsistent with your bookings - little things like that, you just need to self-reflect on whether they have merit or not.
Still though, you need to be out on the field because you enjoy it, and because it is the best seat in the house to watch the football. Often it will be a lonely and thankless task, but those days are worthwhile when the chap you sent off comes round to you in the pub and admits he was a bit of an idiot and you were spot on.
santa sangria
RefChat Addict
Yes. I was going to point you in this direction. You have to be really careful with bantz with the players. Even the nicest player will use it against you. Unfortunately it comes naturally to "them"! I think you need to work on your poker face. When you are more confident with your decisions you'll be in a better place to have some commentary with the players - if that's your style.
How many decisions really need explaining? The more you go into unnecessary detail the more opportunities to argue with you. "They" are probing for weakness. Get on with it! If you need to explain something, stop and do it properly. Remember that our big set pieces (cards, warnings, explanations, advantage etc.) are precious for your match control... 1,2,3 times per game... make it clear, do it right...
You are not alone - whistle to lips, doubts, confused about an obvious incident... oh yeah... all those.. plenty... with bells on.
Perspective - advantage leading to goal... game #3... you can dine out on that for a month! And yup, don't expect any thanks!
Just the fact that you are able to remember these moments, analyse your decisions - and you care enough to want to do it right... all this suggests you have something special.
But it is a marathon not a sprint. Don't presume it will come to you as easily or joyously as playing.
Massive +1 on the flag waving. Quality time with other refs is the best way to improve and enjoy it more IMHO
A few players absolutely hated me, I didn't care one bit in the slightest, they made games go south and I usually got my men in the book! Some players are complete serial c***s, you could make them a cup of tea and polish their boots and they wouldn't appreciate you. There are good players, usually the silent majority though, they're the ones that make a beeline for you before and after the game to shake your hand. Some games its good though to pick up your cash and exit stage right, you've messed that one up, **** happens, get 99 right and no one remembers, get one wrong and they dont forget. Its par for the course unfortunately!!
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The League I ref in has three divisions, the first division actually has neutral assistant refs so we’re talking even for Sunday league football a pretty decent standard, not like my last couple of years as a player beer belly’s everywhere kicking Lumps out of each other.
Maybe I jumped in the deep end a bit to soon, but hey I’m here now I’m not gonna take a step back, it’s great for all your support I appreciate it & will take on board every word you guys have said before I get back out there Sunday.
I’ll just be glad when I can come on here after a game and not have anything negative to report that’s my aim before I hang my whistle up
Maybe I jumped in the deep end a bit to soon, but hey I’m here now I’m not gonna take a step back, it’s great for all your support I appreciate it & will take on board every word you guys have said before I get back out there Sunday.
I’ll just be glad when I can come on here after a game and not have anything negative to report that’s my aim before I hang my whistle up
in time none of these comments will even bother you, reading your comments, i think you thought refereeing was easier than it is, typical player, the lads have given you good sadvice but give it time before deciding refereeing is not for you