3 games in & im not convinced..

[Deleted member 3014]

3 games into my refereeing career & im not convinced I’m cut out for it.

So I’ve got 3 under my belt & ive got as many negative thoughts about it so far as I have positive, I’m learning game by game situation by situation as it arises but I’m having a great difficulty transitioning from player to Ref.
I’ve got over my positioning situation & I’m finding it easier and easier to get yourself into the right positions and where to be in general play for 90mins, my two biggest issues at present are players verbal & being indecisive when contemplating giving a decision.

As far as the players are concerned I’ve had no foul and abbusive language aimed at me or anything threatening it’s just the constant chipping away at you from all angles your fighting it from 22 players & your outnumbered. My issue is it knocks your confidence to be chipped away at but also I’m finding myself getting into verbal spats with players on a regular basis which consequently means I’m not concentrating on what’s in front of me, I’m finding it very difficult to find the balance where you say nothing and come accross as weak & giving it right back to them both barrels where it looks rather odd for a ref to be ranting with a player to the point of swearing and shouting at them.

Second issue is Giving a decision without hesitating and puting the whistle near my mouth without blowing, had a fine example on Sunday a fella slid in like a pro great strong slide tackle won the ball left the other player on the deck, to anyone standing anywhere on the pitch u could have called it either way you could have interpreted it either way, I put the whistle by my lips and decided you know what that’s ok I’m playing on, well I got it in the neck from the player on the deck saying you was about to blow ref, I just said it’s not an offence for me to put the whistle near my lips without blowing just play to the whistle.

So that was one example but I’m finding myself from time to time really not knowing what to give, played the game for 20yrs but I’m standing there with an incident 5ft away from me and I’m struggling to give it one way or the other & end up playing on (have I answered my own question by playing on I obviously didn’t think it warranted a free kick) I’m finding I need a second sometimes for something to process in my head & it must look odd to the players, throw ins are the best example if the Lino doesn’t signal I’ve got to give it, if it’s a slide tackle by the touch line it can be tricky to work out who the ball touched last, I’ll pause for a split second process it in my brain and then give it, but the players want it instantly.

I’m learning a lot about myself and the game each time I ref & im taking things into each week I’m just slightly questioning is this for me or not, the thing is - if I got a phone call today to ref tonite i’d Jump at the chance so there must be some attraction to it, I want to improve and I want to get better I want to stay fit I want to earn the money I want the reward of grafting this winter & then being able to ref with a degree of ability in a fresh new season in the summer (Jesus those Sunday mornings are cold at the moment) I played at a decent standard as a youth Ryman league level I trained with the then premier league Wimbledon as a 14yr old for two weeks, I know football it’s in my blood but I’m just finding the refereeing such a bloody challenge and so frustrating when I keep making mistakes, I have so much respect for refs now & I want to achieve get promotions climb the ladder etc I even worked out how long it would take to get to say the conference level as a ref etc, Jesus I must have been in dream land because I’m a million years away from anything like that.

Anyway I enjoy the refereeing otherwise I’d quit now but at the same time I have a lot of doubts about doing it.

I’m wondering if your either a footballer in life or a ref, you can’t transition from one to another.

 

[zarathustra]

It’s hard at first but don’t give up just yet.

Players giving you verbals? Get the cards out, you’ll be surprised how one caution for dissent will shut them up.

Of course, you can go for the steppes approach, quiet word first, followed by public warning with the captain, then the caution if they don’t get it.

It all depends on how you want to manage the game, and whether what they’ve said crosses your line.

But I would say if someone runs 25 yards to argue, or shouts at you from the other side of the pitch then you need to stamp on it straight away and go for the card.

 

[GraemeS]

I go through semi-regular periods of wondering if it's all worth it, and I've been doing it for 5 years now. While it's certainly possible that it isn't for you, I'd suggest that judging your 3rd match as a referee against your experiences as a player of many years is probably being a little harsh on yourself! I'd recommend doing your level 9-7 promotion at least and trying to discuss the issues you've had at your L7 meeting - I suspect you'll find a number of people in the room who have found similar issues, and if you're lucky, they'll have found ways around it they can share, and will benefit from your insight on issue you've solved such as the positioning.

With regards to your two specific issues: 1 - don't forget that you've got the authority. If one-off a comment about a specific incident is low-level enough, ignoring it is OK. Certainly don't engage with players to any extent more than a quick warning while the game is going on - if they say something serious enough to justify a yellow, you can stop play to administer the card, if it's lower level than that, note their shirt number and hold play up at the next restart to reprimand them.

If you do have to engage with a player, remember that you're there to tell them what to do, not to get in an argument about it. If they keep arguing, or don't listen, you can either try to get the captain to help you out, or just whip out the cards. Carding for dissent is something I didn't really do in my first few years, now I reckon it probably makes up about a third of the cards I issue. And I don't put that down to my decisions getting worse (although some might), I put it down to me consciously limiting my tolerance. You're not there to be shouted at or get in arguments, use the tools you have to rise above it. A yellow card for dissent looks much better than getting in a heated discussion, and will leave you feeling happier at the end of the match too.

Whistle to the lips is an easy mistake to make, but one you should really try and train yourself out of, as it'll make your life a lot easier. If you do cause a fuss by almost whistling, the excuse I usually give is "I saw him coming in and knew it would be bad if he got it wrong, but the tackle ended up being spot-on". It's not as good as simply letting the game go on, but it does at least usually explain why you were prepared to whistle without actually following through.

I'd also say that taking a second to make a decision is fine. Sometimes you can use the player's reaction as a clue (often for a throw, one team will move to their defensive positions without thinking about it and you can just follow them with an arm signal), sometimes it allows you to mentally replay an incident, and sometime it allows you to spot someone coming in for retaliation and get involved to stop him. Not rushing to make decisions will not only make your decision making better, it'll often make you look more relaxed, which can help stop players getting worked up as well.

 

[Ciley Myrus]

Can I offer a real life comparison which might ring true

How many of us, maybe yourself included, consider ourselves or indeed are good drivers, yet may have failed the test once, twice, even three times etc

Its easy to type but the ONLY way things improve is to go back out there and do it all over again.

Find some colleagues to trust, ask your association manager, tutor, whoever, take onboard what they say but the only sure fire answer is...practise

Three games? Am near 30 year now and still drive away from games wondering how I could have done things better/different

 

[JamesL]

Listen mate. No one ever walked on the pitch as a referee and was just perfect. These little things come with experience.
You'll be surprised how much time you have to make a decision. Its with experience you'll know when to go quick and the ones you can deliberate.
An example in a game this week ball goes over the goal line. I promise you i had no idea which way it was. Well gave it a second. Defender moves into a position to defend a corner as attacker retrieves ball. Thank you very much lads... we'll have a corner then. Id have given a goal kick had I been pressed to make the decision. What I am trying to say is not everything has to be instant. You've got time.
My last piece of advice would be to find who your local supply league is and get on as an assistant referee. Its a very different trade but you'll learn absolutely loads off the refs. You'll learn whats good and whats bad and then you can take some bits into your game and see what works for you. And on that last point its not a one fit catches all. You got to work at it and find what works for you.
You'll get the bug eventually.

 

[JD1]

Where is your lack in confidence coming from? knowledge of the laws? physical/mental performance on the day?

I'm the same as yourself, brand new to officiating, only a handful of games in, but despite the inevitable abuse, what's made it easier for me, is that I've made sure that I am comfortable with the laws and spend at least 1 hour a day looking at specific chapters (usually 11-13). This allows me to back myself in my own judgment to know this better than the players/coaches, you'd be surprised how often people go quiet once you quote the laws of the game to them, simply because most of them have no idea! This has helped a lot in the first few weeks.

If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, as we know, that is far from the case! it's difficult, uncomfortable and just plain horrible at times, but those feelings go away with every game, as your experience grows.

Back yourself, you know what the mentality of players are like, once they smell doubt on a referee, its like sharks smelling blood in the ocean. Be confident, know the rules, write a small review of every game, just as a note to yourself, what you could have done better, and will do better next time etc.

 

[Deleted member 3014]

Where is your lack in confidence coming from? knowledge of the laws? physical/mental performance on the day?

I'm the same as yourself, brand new to officiating, only a handful of games in, but despite the inevitable abuse, what's made it easier for me, is that I've made sure that I am comfortable with the laws and spend at least 1 hour a day looking at specific chapters (usually 11-13). This allows me to back myself in my own judgment to know this better than the players/coaches, you'd be surprised how often people go quiet once you quote the laws of the game to them, simply because most of them have no idea! This has helped a lot in the first few weeks.

If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, as we know, that is far from the case! it's difficult, uncomfortable and just plain horrible at times, but those feelings go away with every game, as your experience grows.

Back yourself, you know what the mentality of players are like, once they smell doubt on a referee, its like sharks smelling blood in the ocean. Be confident, know the rules, write a small review of every game, just as a note to yourself, what you could have done better, and will do better next time etc.

I’m confident upon arrival I’m confident blowing the first whistle, I’m confident in a lot I do on the field there is just those moments where you might get something wrong or you might question what you’ve just given & then players give it to you Aswell & before you know it your full of self doubt, laws of the game is something I really need to brush up on, I pray before I walk onto the field each week that we don’t have an out of the ordinary incident, which I know is not the right mentality.
I’m strong minded confident but by god I’m pushed to my limits on a Sunday morning, self awareness is an understatement.

I don’t know how thick human skin is but mine needs to be a bit thicker.

 

[Ciley Myrus]

Where is your lack in confidence coming from? knowledge of the laws? physical/mental performance on the day?

I'm the same as yourself, brand new to officiating, only a handful of games in, but despite the inevitable abuse, what's made it easier for me, is that I've made sure that I am comfortable with the laws and spend at least 1 hour a day looking at specific chapters (usually 11-13). This allows me to back myself in my own judgment to know this better than the players/coaches, you'd be surprised how often people go quiet once you quote the laws of the game to them, simply because most of them have no idea! This has helped a lot in the first few weeks.

If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, as we know, that is far from the case! it's difficult, uncomfortable and just plain horrible at times, but those feelings go away with every game, as your experience grows.

Back yourself, you know what the mentality of players are like, once they smell doubt on a referee, its like sharks smelling blood in the ocean. Be confident, know the rules, write a small review of every game, just as a note to yourself, what you could have done better, and will do better next time etc.

If it works for you great, My fear and I have seen it, is simply quoting laws is one thing. Anyone can recite a book. My gran can. However, its knowing how to apply what you know that makes you the referee that you are.

 

[JD1]

If it works for you great, My fear and I have seen it, is simply quoting laws is one thing. Anyone can recite a book. My gran can. However, its knowing how to apply what you know that makes you the referee that you are.

Of course, that goes without saying?

 

[Deleted member 3014]

It’s hard at first but don’t give up just yet.

Players giving you verbals? Get the cards out, you’ll be surprised how one caution for dissent will shut them up.

Of course, you can go for the steppes approach, quiet word first, followed by public warning with the captain, then the caution if they don’t get it.

It all depends on how you want to manage the game, and whether what they’ve said crosses your line.

But I would say if someone runs 25 yards to argue, or shouts at you from the other side of the pitch then you need to stamp on it straight away and go for the card.

Nothing said is below the belt nothing said crosses the line it just bothers me, some examples..

Ref your joking me
No way ref no way you’ve got that wrong
Ref please tell me what you just saw please explain what you’ve actually seen to give that
Just general chipping away with negative reactions all the time but not over stepping the mark.

One player was chipping away Sunday and I was border line gonna pull him on it & warn him but it stopped so didn’t need addressing but again his argument would be I haven’t been abusive ref I’m just talking to you.

It’s a tricky one because my natural reaction is to get into debates and slagging matches with players but I’ve got to find a different approach now.

 

[Deleted member 3014]

Cheers everyone for your quick response it has made me feel better already.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, Lots to learn lots to work on just helps to post the issues to people who have been there.

Cheers

 

[Russell Jones]

One player was chipping away Sunday and I was border line gonna pull him on it & warn him but it stopped so didn’t need addressing but again his argument would be I haven’t been abusive ref I’m just talking to you.

First time he opens his mouth unhelpfully, give him a long hard stare. Second time, have a quiet word in passing (give it a rest fella, I'm trying to concentrate here). Third time, public bollocking (I've warned you once, I'm not warning you again, keep your opinions to yourself). Any more, straight in the book.

Obviously all of the above only applies if it really is 'low level chipping away'. If it's clear and obvious dissent (either verbal or non verbal) then jump straight to the end point!

 

[alexgr]

Ref your joking me
No way ref no way you’ve got that wrong
Ref please tell me what you just saw please explain what you’ve actually seen to give that
Just general chipping away with negative reactions all the time but not over stepping the mark.

I find it helps to have a few "set phrases" as it were to help quickly quash any of this sort of dissent, and it is important to deal with it otherwise it can escalate later on in the match. I find something simple like "I'm reffing what I can see", "I've made the decision, let's get on with the game" or something similar helps with those. Always remember they are not attacking you as a person - their dissent is just frustration they aren't getting their own way.

 

[Russell Jones]

I find it helps to have a few "set phrases" as it were to help quickly quash any of this sort of dissent, and it is important to deal with it otherwise it can escalate later on in the match. I find something simple like "I'm reffing what I can see", "I've made the decision, let's get on with the game" or something similar helps with those. Always remember they are not attacking you as a person - their dissent is just frustration they aren't getting their own way.

Totally agree with the points you are making Alex. That said, one thing I find helpful is to properly differentiate between frustration (annoying but often manageable) and true dissent which by definition requires a yellow card ....

 

[alexgr]

@Russell Jones Yeah, spot on, agree there. And tbh and of the phrases OP gives above could quite easily fall into either categories. It all comes down to tone, volume, whether it's directed at you and/or anyone else, how many people are around to hear it etc.

 

[OIREF!]

I’m wondering if your either a footballer in life or a ref, you can’t transition from one to another.

You can certainly be a footballer and a ref but understand that they are different things.

 

[Deleted member 3014]

My biggest thing at present is balance, it’s the one word i’d Use for most of the 90 mins I’m out there, I’m sort of unsure as I step onto the pitch and blow the first whistle as to how I’m going to be with the players I haven’t given it much thought previously & I think this is where I’m coming unstuck.

I don’t want to be a robot & have zero interaction with the players but at the same time I need to know where the line is on my part, at the moment I’m refereeing games as if I’m a player that is helping out, I’ve got the full Nike ref kit the whistle the flags etc I look the part & in general I’m doing ok, but I need them to be clear on where I stand and what I stand for, one niggling comment from a player & im in a debate with him taking my eyes off the game, IS IT ME OR IS THERE GENERALLY NOT A TIME OR A MOMENT IN A GAME WHERE ONE OF THE 22 PLAYERS ON THE FIELD DONT DISAGREE WITH YOUR DECISION??

There is always someone puting a different angle on it or coming up with a smart Alec comment about your decision, like I said it’s 22 minds vs 1!

 

[Tino Best]

Our angle is always different to every one elses. Our decision which is unbiased is biased against the team we have given it. We make mistakes but a lot less than the players on the pitch. Go with your gut feeling. I gave a penalty this weekend without any hesitation. It was instinct. If it looks like an elephant and sounds like an elephant and smell like an elephant, guess what its an elephant. Dissent is a difficult one as we all have different tolerance levels. The more you ref the lower your tolerance becomes and the early yellow card does wonder for match control but you have to ref a lot of games to get to that level to feel confident with your cards. Try doing some senior youth games. I do wonder that we send out new refs at OA when they should maybe start off in youth football to learn how to ref. None of us were Clattenburgs on our first seasons.

 

[Deleted member 3014]

Quick question where do we go to get our praise?

I played a good advantage on half way the player fouled moaned I never gave the free kick his team kept the ball ran through and scored.

Not a single word out of the team or player to say well done ref for letting it go.

I’m thinking you could ref the World Cup final get 20 keys decisions correct & nobody would bat an eye lid, nobody would even mention you.

 

[Deleted member 3014]

I think I chose to ref the wrong sport, I should have gone for Rugby, I quite like the thought of 30 people calling you sir for 80mins & responding in silence to your decisions