True Story...

[santa sangria]

It's also the difference between knowing your sh*t and knowing you're sh*t.

Amazing how many players tell me I know my sh*t!

 

[santa sangria]

Terrible news my mate died when a massive vat of lemonade burst at the factory today.... He was just Schwepped away.....

 

[Kes]

I saw a woman who had 12 breasts the other day.

I know, it sounds incredible.

Dozen tit?

 

[Kes]

I just spent £3000 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver!

I can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

 

[Viridis1886]

Terrible news my mate died when a massive vat of lemonade burst at the factory today.... He was just Schwepped away.....

My cousin died in a vat of olive oil. We tried to save him, but he just slipped away.

 

[Kes]

Yesterday, my mate remarked: “You’ve put a lot of weight on”.

I said: "I know but I’ve had a lot on my plate recently".

 

[Kes]

Solar power is the future!!

But it ain't gonna happen over night!!

 

[Viridis1886]

Solar power is the future!!

But it ain't gonna happen over night!!

Watt?

 

[one]

Watt?

Currently correct.

 

[JamesL]

Shaving with a straight razor takes a lot of courage. I used to shave my privates with one
But I don't have the balls to do that anymore.

 

[Kes]

Watt?

Don't try it at Ohm ...

 

[Tealeaf]

For those of you suffering in the weather in the UK at the moment, take heart from the words of Axl Rose.

Nothing lasts forever. Even cold November rain

 

[one]

Don't try it at Ohm ...

Ohm'y God.

 

[Kes]

So I just mashed up some Kellogg’s Frosties into a paste and used it between my bathroom tiles.

They’re Grrrrrrout!

 

[JamesL]

Tesco, Lidl and Aldi are giving away a free turkey, this Christmas, to any customer that can run faster than their security

 

[Viridis1886]

Ohm'y God.

Resistance is futile.

 

[Mr Dean]

Tesco, Lidl and Aldi are giving away a free turkey, this Christmas, to any customer that can run faster than their security

Been to Tesco. Walking pace should do it

 

[Viridis1886]

Been to Tesco. Walking pace should do it

I used to walk the long way home via the supermarket when it was late it night.

It was the Safeway.

 

[Kes]

I threw a ball for my dog last night.

A bit extravagant I know, but he looked great in his dinner jacket ...

 

[Peter Grove]

I'm not your typical campanologist.

But it seems I do often vaguely remind people of something.