A&H

Talking to irate managers U12

SurreyWolves said:
In all seriousness, he sounds like a bit of a pain.

However, I would calmly go to him and say:

"This is the decision, which is correct in law - this isn't a discussion or debate, if you disagree, I am happy to discuss after the match".

If he continues to remonstrate, I would make it clear that it is the end of it - if he continues, then I would be considering cautioning him.

(Teacher hat on). I always do a stepped approach - quiet word -> public word with clarity that I am not having any tom-foolery -> caution if continues.

Kill the debate/argument straight away - if you are incorrect in law you can discuss it after the game - but all he was doing there was being a muppet.

Hope this is useful.
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Agree with everything except saying you are correct in law if you're not. If you are going to say you are. Be sure of it 1st
 
The Referee Store
The title of the post is dissapointing as Irate managers at u12s shouldn't even exist but sadly they do.

I do feel though that by speaking to them in that way just gives them a bee in their bonnet. Personally I would just apply the laws of the game regardless of what people say and only get involved if anyone over steps the mark.
 
Darren83 said:
The title of the post is dissapointing as Irate managers at u12s shouldn't even exist but sadly they do.

I do feel though that by speaking to them in that way just gives them a bee in their bonnet. Personally I would just apply the laws of the game regardless of what people say and only get involved if anyone over steps the mark.
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Sound advice !! Unfortunately 70% are irate at most games and that is a kind word I am using but point taken in getting involved
 
socal lurker said:
Humor can also be useful--but you must be very careful with humor. Humor is often more effective for older refs, as it can come across as more snarky from a younger ref to an older coach.
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One of our development managers told a great story about using humour.
I can't remember the whole lead up, but a striker from one of the teams was giving the referee a bit of strife saying he was making a "stupid decision" as one example.
Striker's next shot at goal ends up going out near the corner flag, so the referee jogs past and says, "Ah, so I see you're the master of stupid decisions now?"
 
Zimmyman said:
Sound advice !! Unfortunately 70% are irate at most games and that is a kind word I am using but point taken in getting involved
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I find it perplexing that you claim that 70% are irate when I've Refereed 100+ youth games and have not experienced any behaviour from anyone, that I'd term 'irate'. A few have come close, but nothing to write home about
I wonder if it's because I 'expect' challenging behaviour and therefore don't consider it as unreasonable etc.
That said, I'm aware that I haven't experienced the challenges posed to Refs higher up the pyramid or those working underprivileged areas
But football has it's own language and groups (teams) of people do not behave as they would individually, so I'm inclined to think that you need to change your relationship with the culture so that you're more accepting of it and less likely to meet fire with fire. I might be wrong, so do appreciate that I'm aware of that
 
If you're the referee who's turned up, is working hard and doing their best, a manager standing on the sidelines yelling at you is voluntarily giving you the moral high ground. Use that.

Keep calm, keep polite, be firm if necessary. Give him the opportunity to realise that you are being reasonable and he is not. If he doesn't realise that, use your moral high ground to try and try and guide him towards realising.

And if he still doesn't get it, bin him.
 
I once had an u15 manager ranting at me about a penalty I gave against his side, which was for his defender grabbing the attacker in a headlock to prevent him getting the ball. The defender smashed the ball clear, whilst he still had the attacker in the headlock! Other than the defender that thought his actions were perfectly acceptable, no complaints from his team mates. Manager started loudly complaining again after his team kicked off following the penalty being scored. Ignored it at first, but at the next break in play went over and explained to him that I wasn't going to get into a debate over the decision now and would be happy to talk after the game to which he responded there's no point, to which I politely told him there's also no point at him shouting at me from 50 yards away especially for something more suited to wrestling! :)
 
ChasObserverRefDeveloper said:
My educated guess is that Graeme meant "Get rid of him" as in "Remove him"; the Sin Bin does not apply to managers. "Bin him" pre-dates the sin bin😐
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doh!

(I didn't think it applied to managers, but we don't use it here so I don't stay up to speed. I kinda like the idea of being able to make a coach go away from the field for 10 minutes . . .)
 
Zimmyman said:
Don’t see why I should give up youth football because of a few morons !!! It’s not every week and from what I see around me OA is as bad if not worse !! I’m an older ref who enjoys the game and enjoy boys football if we all thought your way these kids would never have the privilege of a real ref would they I don’t complain about it OP was for advice which everyone has given to me in bucketfuls which I really appreciate
Thank you all
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Please note the smiley/winking emojis after my post!

Was out in a 3 yesterday and we were having a discussion about different refs/different leagues and we all agreed at our level, and pretty much any level really, you have to enjoy it - if that means U12s or Top league OAs only, then fine. Surely we all perform better if we actually enjoy what we are doing. I do mostly lines now, in a 3, across a wide variety of leagues but only actually committed to Isthmian U18/23 - rest of my games are offers or volunteering on my part - works for me, but I know many refs who do 2 or 3 youth middles every Sunday - do whatever you enjoy - otherwise, what's the point?
 
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