Junior/Youth Sleep on it.

[RonnieM]

3rd game today and an absolute howler from me, not booking a player for a challenge from behind. The only reason I didn't was that it was 1st challenge, it was an attackers challenge and it was early in the game. It was in hindsight a reckless challenge that should have been a YC. This seemed to set the home bench off quite a bit. 10 mins from time and another challenge came in this time causing a confrontation with the players. I dismissed a coach from the homeside for his words to me and calling me a fn clown and saying I had no control over the game.

My thoughts at the time were to abandon. But with 10 mins from the end, and with the final result heavily in favour of the away side I was determined to continue.

The end of the game couldn't come quick enough, and even the young players were mouthing off and giving me abuse. At the end I talked to the coaches and listened to what they had to say. I can take on board some truths in that I should have handled the game firmer and that sometimes not giving fouls (playing advantage) is not the right road.

I had a wee sleep as I was feeling very miserable and thinking about packing it in, but on wakening up and talking to other referees about it I have came to the conclusion that yeah, I may not have controlled the game, but the coach also did not control their players. Another lesson learned. Cards will come out in future. You're never going to be their friend, so don't try to be.

Onwards and upwards.

 

[one]

Chin up and as you say, onwards and upwards. Everyone is allowed a bad one every now and then.

You having a bad day doesn't excuse players and coaches to misbehave. I have said this before, you control animals, machinery and to some extent young children. People, especially adults are responsible for their own actions.

 

[RonnieM]

Chin up and as you say, onwards and upwards. Everyone is allowed a bad one every now and then.

You having a bad day doesn't excuse players and coaches to misbehave. I have said this before, you control animals, machinery and to some extent young children. People, especially adults are responsible for their own actions.

Absolutely. Just trying to say to any new referees thinking of chucking it in, to try and sleep on it and not to dwell on the mistakes, but learn from them. But also not to think you are a catalyst for self-destruction of others. The next game won't be treated the same as the last.

 

[Kent Ref]

Reffing is not an exact science.

You learn "instinct and control" over time. You're new so don't expect to be the "finished article" - you never will be and we all have "off days".

IMO sometimes an early yellow prevents others.

 

[AW93]

Chin up mate.

I am a fairly new referee as well, had a bad game yesterday and was being observed. The feedback I got was only negative and honestly felt so bad reflecting on it all. My thoughts this morning are it can't of been that bad, the home team manager (doesn't have a good track record with refs) said I had a good game and appreciated me openly having a chat with him about a couple of decisions at half time, they lost 3-0 as well.

 

[JamesL]

Chin up mate.

I am a fairly new referee as well, had a bad game yesterday and was being observed. The feedback I got was only negative and honestly felt so bad reflecting on it all. My thoughts this morning are it can't of been that bad, the home team manager (doesn't have a good track record with refs) said I had a good game and appreciated me openly having a chat with him about a couple of decisions at half time, they lost 3-0 as well.

Completely not the point of matchday coaching. 3 strengths, and one focus for development.
I try to take strength and then add a little extra on to turn good into great. It should not be wholly negative as that defies the point of the coaching experience.

I know there is the tick boxes for all the areas but I use those as a guide taking note of the level the referee is and the level they are hoping to achieve.

 

[AW93]

Yeah it was honestly completely negative, I've got a pretty thick skin with things like that and always happy to take advice but I came away from the game feeling pretty down. Yes I got some decisions wrong and made mistakes, happy to admit that but I'm not surprised so many refs give up with so little support. Cleaned my boots this morning and put it to bed, onto next week's adventure!

 

[RonnieM]

Chin up mate.

I am a fairly new referee as well, had a bad game yesterday and was being observed. The feedback I got was only negative and honestly felt so bad reflecting on it all. My thoughts this morning are it can't of been that bad, the home team manager (doesn't have a good track record with refs) said I had a good game and appreciated me openly having a chat with him about a couple of decisions at half time, they lost 3-0 as well.

Can't dwell on the negatives... even think of one good decision in the game and how that benefited the match, not the teams as they are not IMO how you should rate yourself. The fact is it will be the coaches and the players who will concentrate on the negatives anyway. In the matches I have done only 3 players have came to shake my hand at the end of the game. Again, I think the harsh reality is the coaches can and do programme a player to see the referee as an extra opposition player rather than someone that is neutral. Coaches have a huge part to play in discipline, not just us.

 

[RonnieM]

Yeah it was honestly completely negative, I've got a pretty thick skin with things like that and always happy to take advice but I came away from the game feeling pretty down. Yes I got some decisions wrong and made mistakes, happy to admit that but I'm not surprised so many refs give up with so little support. Cleaned my boots this morning and put it to bed, onto next week's adventure!

Could see it as what needs improvement mate and not what is negative. It seems counter-productive when refs are quitting in droves to be down-heavy on a referee who is just starting out.

 

[AW93]

Could see it as what needs improvement mate and not what is negative. It seems counter-productive when refs are quitting in droves to be down-heavy on a referee who is just starting out.

Sorry mate didn't mean to take over your thread! Just wanted to say that you aren't alone in feeling like you do after your game!

 

[David G]

Yeah it was honestly completely negative, I've got a pretty thick skin with things like that and always happy to take advice but I came away from the game feeling pretty down. Yes I got some decisions wrong and made mistakes, happy to admit that but I'm not surprised so many refs give up with so little support. Cleaned my boots this morning and put it to bed, onto next week's adventure!

One of my first ever assessments had no more than 1 line under some of the competencies eg you should have been in a better position to identify the penalty - no hint of where this better position should be (I thought I was in a decent position). The moral of this story was that the report taught me nothing and when I became an Observer, mostly to keep me involved in the game but also so no Referee could receive from me a report like the one I received. I may go too much the other way, but that can happen when identifying a potential issue, provide at least one remedy and always to be as constructive as I can.

 

[FirsFox40]

One of my first ever assessments had no more than 1 line under some of the competencies eg you should have been in a better position to identify the penalty - no hint of where this better position should be (I thought I was in a decent position). The moral of this story was that the report taught me nothing and when I became an Observer, mostly to keep me involved in the game but also so no Referee could receive from me a report like the one I received. I may go too much the other way, but that can happen when identifying a potential issue, provide at least one remedy and always to be as constructive as I can.

Had a great one back in the mid-00s (going Class 2 to 1 as it was then) when it just landed in the post a few days later and you had no idea they'd even been there. Thought a couple of things were odd. "A clear push on the keeper for the winner"? "Enchroachment at the penalty"?!

It was 3-0, all one-on-ones, and no spot kicks.

Turns out the old fella taking his dog for a suspiciously-long walk actually watched the match on the pitch NEXT to mine.

- - -

To the OP: don't beat yourself up about it, you KNOW what you should have done, and next time you can. if we were all perfect, we wouldn't be at our current level and neither would the players. You've recognised what could have been an error and can apply that next time out if the same thing happens. Even after a blunder, continued dissent should be the line in the sand. Calling something "the wrong way" isn't a carte blanche for a load of hyped-up nippers to give you hassle for the remainder, Match management comes with experience, and experience is exactly what you're gathering.

That you're a) on here, and b) self-reflecting puts you levels above many peers.

 

[David G]

Had a great one back in the mid-00s (going Class 2 to 1 as it was then) when it just landed in the post a few days later and you had no idea they'd even been there. Thought a couple of things were odd. "A clear push on the keeper for the winner"? "Enchroachment at the penalty"?!

It was 3-0, all one-on-ones, and no spot kicks.

Turns out the old fella taking his dog for a suspiciously-long walk actually watched the match on the pitch NEXT to mine.

- - -

To the OP: don't beat yourself up about it, you KNOW what you should have done, and next time you can. if we were all perfect, we wouldn't be at our current level and neither would the players. You've recognised what could have been an error and can apply that next time out if the same thing happens. Even after a blunder, continued dissent should be the line in the sand. Calling something "the wrong way" isn't a carte blanche for a load of hyped-up nippers to give you hassle for the remainder, Match management comes with experience, and experience is exactly what you're gathering.

That you're a) on here, and b) self-reflecting puts you levels above many peers.

I can believe it in the old days, it happened quite a bit. Although some clubs still consider that Referees should know that Observers are present at a game, I think the opposite. Many games when Assessors turned up though Referee wasn’t on the game with all this time wasted and could have been somewhere else etc.

 

[RustyRef]

Yeah it was honestly completely negative, I've got a pretty thick skin with things like that and always happy to take advice but I came away from the game feeling pretty down. Yes I got some decisions wrong and made mistakes, happy to admit that but I'm not surprised so many refs give up with so little support. Cleaned my boots this morning and put it to bed, onto next week's adventure!

Feed that back to your RDO, as that isn't how match day coaching is supposed to work.

 

[RustyRef]

One of my first ever assessments had no more than 1 line under some of the competencies eg you should have been in a better position to identify the penalty - no hint of where this better position should be (I thought I was in a decent position). The moral of this story was that the report taught me nothing and when I became an Observer, mostly to keep me involved in the game but also so no Referee could receive from me a report like the one I received. I may go too much the other way, but that can happen when identifying a potential issue, provide at least one remedy and always to be as constructive as I can.

When I am back at home I will scan in and post one of my first assessments, it was laughably brief.

 

[OldNavyRef]

Hey mate,

These are the games that will shape you if you stick it out. They teach you so much about temperature, game management, rapport building and why the rules are what they are.

Genuinely when I referee now, I usually get flashbacks to similar situation I have dealt with and often deal with what is in front of me with those memories at the forefront.

So from what you've said, you've seen a reckless challenge early. You managed it and because of that you lost credibility/trust (I have had this exact incident). So going forward, next time you see that kind of challenge, you'll likely reach in your pocket.

Or alternatively, maybe because you are new, the players/staff sensed you were unsure about it and just pounced on you (happens all the time).

My advice is go with your gut, but go with it whole heartedly. Did you genuinely believe it was a yellow now, or are you saying that because they found a way to shift some of the blame onto you.

Regardless, only you can reflect on that one, and you'll manage a similar situation differently in the future.

Nature of the beast.

 

[RonnieM]

Did you genuinely believe it was a yellow now, or are you saying that because they found a way to shift some of the blame onto you.

Nah, I had let a "pull back" (SPA) which was committed by one of their own players go without a card and I stupidly tried to even that up by letting this go too. That was not the best of things to do I think.

 

[Viridis1886]

Nah, I had let a "pull back" (SPA) which was committed by one of their own players go without a card and I stupidly tried to even that up by letting this go too. That was not the best of things to do I think.

That's often the problem of trying to manage it. When you try and even it up things can start to drift.

Giving the caution is easier to manage in terms of 'evening it up' as behaviour of the players will normalise towards fewer fouls rather than heavier challenges. If you let one go and then need to use the card later you will find your consistency being challenged.

I know that this is a lot easier to type than it is to apply.

 

[Kent Ref]

Nah, I had let a "pull back" (SPA) which was committed by one of their own players go without a card and I stupidly tried to even that up by letting this go too. That was not the best of things to do I think.

Subconsciously or not as refs we often "even up" decisions in an attempt to be fair. It's human.

 

[David G]

Had a great one back in the mid-00s (going Class 2 to 1 as it was then) when it just landed in the post a few days later and you had no idea they'd even been there. Thought a couple of things were odd. "A clear push on the keeper for the winner"? "Enchroachment at the penalty"?!

It was 3-0, all one-on-ones, and no spot kicks.

Turns out the old fella taking his dog for a suspiciously-long walk actually watched the match on the pitch NEXT to mine.

- - -

To the OP: don't beat yourself up about it, you KNOW what you should have done, and next time you can. if we were all perfect, we wouldn't be at our current level and neither would the players. You've recognised what could have been an error and can apply that next time out if the same thing happens. Even after a blunder, continued dissent should be the line in the sand. Calling something "the wrong way" isn't a carte blanche for a load of hyped-up nippers to give you hassle for the remainder, Match management comes with experience, and experience is exactly what you're gathering.

That you're a) on here, and b) self-reflecting puts you levels above many peers.

I can believe it with the old days - it happened quite a bit. Although some clubs still consider that Referees should not know that Observers are present at a game, I think the opposite. Many games when Assessors turned up with the Referee not knowing an Assessor was on the game, they discovered that the Referee appointed to was no longer on the game, or hadn’t turned up, so was a complete waste of time & effort.