The Ref Stop

Not looking foward to my next game

D

Danwilliams

New Member
Level 7 Referee
on Saturday I have under 11's and one team I have had a problem with before. The team things it is ok to shout at the referee. The managers are not the nicest people the last game I was close to abandon the match after they were speaking to me like sh.t it got that bad, so really not looking forward to it
 
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The Ref Stop
Whilst you should never go into any game with a pre conceived notion of how teams/officials are going to behave, in this instance you might want to change your approach slightly.

At the FIRST sound of dissent from any player, inc the "other" team obviously, take some action - a quiet word, public word, chat with captain or even caution - depending on severity of dissent.

If it happens again, escalate to next level of first response.

With team officials - FIRST show of displeasure, stop game, ask them to be quiet. If it happens again, TELL them to be quiet and warn they will be reported/sent away if it happens again - and if it does, they know what's coming.

Any refusal to comply, final warning that you will abandon if they don't and then if they don't leave in the next 5 seconds, its game over.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.
 
Dan - relax. Please chap relax.

You're better than you were last time, aren't you. More experienced, more game time, more confidence?

Go out there and referee it. It. Is. Just. Another. Game.

Repeat that to yourself and you ought to be ok. We all have games like that, but you can do this.
 
i think a combination of the above two.... deal with individuals as things occur in a relaxed manner. Dont let them think you are getting flustered or affected in any way.
and also, you never know, they may be as good as gold on the day
best of luck pal
 
@Danwilliams - As people said, leave your pre-conceived notions at home. Easier said than done, but to progress as a referee, you do not carry these. Players and team officials may do ( and be t*****ers) but you referee the match given to you.

You are more experience than last time, you have realised what you allowed to slip last time so will not repeat those mistakes.

Don't be afraid at the first instance to lecture the officials (not discuss). They are to be told to be quiet. If they continue or use OFFINABUS language, dismiss them from the FOP area and report to CFA. You don';t have to justify your decisions to them. Say something like "I have previously warned you, you have continue with this inappropraite remarks. I am dismissing you from the area and will be reporting you".

Show them to be the prats they are. If they continue after you have dismissed them, GO HOME. Don't wait to be paid, just abandon. Report to CFA and the league, if you abandon for continuing mis-conduct the CFA reaction is "how much should we fine them?" You will have done nothing wrong.

If you need support, ask a member of the league committee to come to the game. They should note the teams attitude and support your decisions. If none of them are willing to support referees, then something is wrong with that league.
Are you a member of the local RA? If so, you could ask a more senior member along to watch and mentor you on this development point.

There is help to support you, you don't have to survive on your own. But you have to ask for it.
 
At that level off youth games do not allow any dissent from the players. Use the stepped approach as previously mentioned and do not be afraid to use your cards. Any abusive language from the coaching staff they should be told to leave immediatley. This is kids football and it has no place in kids football. At the first sign of dissent from the coaches stamp on it immediatley as stated earlier in the thread. I do understand this is easier to do if you are an adult rather than a younger ref but be confident and strong, you have the tools do not be afraid to use them. Good luck
 
Danwilliams said:
i am 26 mate 1st season being a referee
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Ok.....the players shouldn't be an issue then.

Ask, Tell, Remove.

Ask the managers to behave, tell the managers to behave, remove them from the pitch if they haven't heeded your 2 earlier warnings.

Or just bin them straight away if they are really out of control.......ask for their name, if they don't give it, tell them they have a couple of minutes to cough it up otherwise the game is abandoned. If they won't give you their name, or leave, or they just generally carry on being dicks, to the point where you genuinely feel you cannot continue, then abandon the game.
 
It is odd how this works, I had a bad experience with an early game on a district league. I come across some of the same players as I have worked my way through and still get very nervous when I know I will be reffing them.

It is irrational, but all the same a very real feeling of dread, right up until i blow the whistle to start the game. Then I am fine. It belies the turmoil I have put myself through in the build up- our minds are strange places!!
 
Been in the same position - I lost control of an U/12 match because...well, it was the first one with a lot of dissent and tactical fouls and general bad behaviour, and I was unprepared. Next time, just didn't put up with it. Next time had them, and a couple of players still had no respect as evidence by the smirk when they do get cards - but I would have no problems whatsoever giving an 11 year old who's been taught to disrespect referees 2 yellow cards. Would sleep very soundly afterwards.

So, don't take the 'they're just kids' approach. Like others, I don't accept a hint of dissent at this level. Use your roadblocks, don't be afraid to book them.

what happened with the managers last time?
 
I agree 100% with Padfoot.
CapnBloodbeard said:
So, don't take the 'they're just kids' approach. Like others, I don't accept a hint of dissent at this level. Use your roadblocks, don't be afraid to book them.
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This needs to be done at youth football. I do a lot of youth football and I am not afraid to use cards.
 
CapnBloodbeard said:
Been in the same position - I lost control of an U/12 match because...well, it was the first one with a lot of dissent and tactical fouls and general bad behaviour, and I was unprepared. Next time, just didn't put up with it. Next time had them, and a couple of players still had no respect as evidence by the smirk when they do get cards - but I would have no problems whatsoever giving an 11 year old who's been taught to disrespect referees 2 yellow cards. Would sleep very soundly afterwards.

So, don't take the 'they're just kids' approach. Like others, I don't accept a hint of dissent at this level. Use your roadblocks, don't be afraid to book them.

what happened with the managers last time?
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they were shouting from the touchline so went over told them to behave and he told me to ''shut up and get on with the game'' to that I didn't know what to say so got on with the game it happened again them shouting and streaming at me and I said this is your last warning then guess what happened again so I went to remove them told them to leave and he started arguing with me saying I am not going any where I said I would abandon the match if you don't leave now, he said "what you are going to take football away from kids are you" so I would of felt guilty if I did that so I just carried on and I couldn't wait for the full time whistle I lost control but I was new at that time it was like my 10th game in charge
 
Danwilliams said:
they were shouting from the touchline so went over told them to behave and he told me to ''shut up and get on with the game'' to that I didn't know what to say so got on with the game it happened again them shouting and streaming at me and I said this is your last warning then guess what happened again so I went to remove them told them to leave and he started arguing with me saying I am not going any where I said I would abandon the match if you don't leave now, he said "what you are going to take football away from kids are you" so I would of felt guilty if I did that so I just carried on and I couldn't wait for the full time whistle I lost control but I was new at that time it was like my 10th game in charge
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wowsers, i wish i hadnt read that, people like that and their attitude make me seethe.
easy to say in hindsight but that is an abandon for me... as for taking football away from the kids ?? that lies entirely at the managers feet... you are there to do a job and not to be abused

edit: just adding, that if it happens this time around, you must follow through with what you promise to do... probably wouldnt say anything pre kick off (unless they start abusing then) but at first occurrence mention last game and how they went too far, and that you are not prepared to continue unless they behave, and/or talk to you like a human being.
for what its worth, it looks like you were acting as per @Padfoot 's reccomendation anyway. ASK TELL REMOVE, just you didnt follow through with the abandon once they refused to go.
 
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Danwilliams said:
they were shouting from the touchline so went over told them to behave and he told me to ''shut up and get on with the game'' to that I didn't know what to say so got on with the game it happened again them shouting and streaming at me and I said this is your last warning then guess what happened again so I went to remove them told them to leave and he started arguing with me saying I am not going any where I said I would abandon the match if you don't leave now, he said "what you are going to take football away from kids are you" so I would of felt guilty if I did that so I just carried on and I couldn't wait for the full time whistle I lost control but I was new at that time it was like my 10th game in charge
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I can see why you felt like you did.

To reply to there first comment ''shut up and get on with the game'' , is that "I will do, if you also keep quiet. We are here for the youngsters to play football. Any further dissents towards me or in general, and I shall dismiss you from the area and report you to CFA".

Then, when they start again, your words are "I have previously warned you, what is your name? I am dismissing you from the area for your continuing misconduct". Then when they don't go, you have every reason for abandoning the game. When they say "you are taking the football from the kids", the answer is "NO, I am not, you are by not leaving the area".

Give them two minutes, then GO HOME. When you explain that they were showing you dissent and they refuse to leave after continuing misconduct, who do you think the parents and opposition will blame. They will feel the combined force of the parents and opponents, and they may go to their cars - knowing that you will not back down. First time is scary, but it like anything else in refereeing doing only makes it easier - like your first RC, first penalty, first NAR appointment, etc.
 
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I agree, it's hard to do this the first time but it does get easier. I abandoned a game several years ago because a player I dismissed for an absolutely foul torrent of abuse to me then pulled the "you can't make me go. It's a public place!" card. I told him "you're right, I can't make you go anywhere but there won't be a game going on if you don't!" He still refused, so I told the team manager that I'd give them a couple of minutes to get him to leave and then abandon. After two minutes, match over. I then got abuse from the manager and dismissed player, as well as a couple of the others. All this was reported. One of the manager's comments was "When I see you out I'm going to ****ing do you!" Again this was reported.
The following weekend I was in a local DIY store with my daughter when she said "Dad, there's a man hiding over there who keeps looking at you!" When I looked, it was the manager, hiding behind a pallet! He has small man syndrome!
I've done the team a lot since this, and never had an issue. I've sent several of them off over the years but they know not to push it and always go when told to.
 
Every game is a new one. I've had problem teams that were nice as pie the 2nd time around.
Danwilliams said:
they were shouting from the touchline so went over told them to behave and he told me to ''shut up and get on with the game'' to that I didn't know what to say so got on with the game it happened again them shouting and streaming at me and I said this is your last warning then guess what happened again so I went to remove them told them to leave and he started arguing with me saying I am not going any where I said I would abandon the match if you don't leave now, he said "what you are going to take football away from kids are you" so I would of felt guilty if I did that so I just carried on and I couldn't wait for the full time whistle I lost control but I was new at that time it was like my 10th game in charge
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Oh man, that's disgraceful conduct.
Your response to this comes down to a lack of experience and confidence in your own role - but I think you already know that. I'm glad to hear you tried to remove them - if you look back on it though, would you say you let them get away with too much?
Roadblocks also apply to coaches - but of course, like a player, any step can be skipped if needed.
first instance, can even say it with a smile, just a quick line "Coach, you've had your say, now let's keep a lid on the comments so I don't have to come over again" is one example. Plenty of others. If he responds with 'shut up' or anything like that, then he's escalated it to the 2nd roadblock. Firm warning "I've tried asking you, now I'm telling you that I'm not here to be abused from the benches. Any more comments and you'll be watching the game from the carpark. This is youth football - let's make sure we're setting an example". Leave immediately - he may try to get the last word in; you may be able to ignore it, but depending how loud it is or what's said - eg another 'shut up' or 'don't tell me what to do' type comment, and he's leaving.
If he plays the 'you're not going to take the football away from the kids are you?' line:
"I'm not, you are. I've told you to leave and you're refusing to, so your actions are leaving me with no choice but to abandon - and then you're going to be accountable to the league as to why you forced the match to be abandoned. You were warned and you kept going - it's your actions that forced this"
I'd give him maybe 10-20 seconds.. I'd even look to the other adult and say to them "make no mistake, I will be abandoning if he doesn't leave"
"What's it going to be coach? Are you leaving or are you forcing the match to be abandoned? Those are the two choices", then that's it, blow the whistle, head off. His actions forced it, not yours - so your conscience is clean.

DO NOT get into a discussion about your decision.If he tries to argue the point, "This isn't a discussion, you were warned, you need to leave"
Look and sound confident - stand straight and tall. Practice doing this in the mirror.

Your signals and manner at the start of the match will help. Loud whistle, clear and snappy signals. Make sure you let us know how you go with the next one.
 
Danwilliams said:
they were shouting from the touchline so went over told them to behave and he told me to ''shut up and get on with the game'' to that I didn't know what to say so got on with the game it happened again them shouting and streaming at me and I said this is your last warning then guess what happened again so I went to remove them told them to leave and he started arguing with me saying I am not going any where I said I would abandon the match if you don't leave now, he said "what you are going to take football away from kids are you" so I would of felt guilty if I did that so I just carried on and I couldn't wait for the full time whistle I lost control but I was new at that time it was like my 10th game in charge
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He's the one taking away football from the kids. Respect is part of the game, no respect=no game.

If the manager talks to you like that, bin him. Tell he he's being dismissed from the FOP and has to leave the vicinity. If he doesn't do that, then you're right to abandon.

Maybe he'll be better behaved this time after numerous fines for misconduct.
 
No excuses for coaches behaivour like that. Use the stepped approach if needed but if it is that bad you can miss steps. I have had a couple of mouthy coaches but on both occasions I dealt with them in the frst 5 mins and it was ok, but I am waiting for my first big confrontation, I know it will come because I use cards at youth football.
 
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