A&H

I had a parent "square up" to me tonight!!

Paul_Jones

Member
Level 7 Referee
This is the first incident I have had in my short referee career. Let me also add that it hasnt put me off refereeing one bit.

so, under 8's (remember that at the end), cup semi final in a local summer league. All the way through the game the blue team manager appeals for everything. he appealled that much that in the end i think he was appealing for the other team as well! half way through the second half the ball goes out for a throw in. With his team 3-2 down (baring in mind both blues goals had come from advantages) a parent comes on to the field of play and starts talking to his son. i blew the whistle and told him to get off the pitch as to which he said "this is your fault". quite what was my fault i'm not sure.... i never asked him to come on to the pitch! anyway as he went off the pitch he points in my face so I said to him "dont talk to my like i'm an idiot, get off the pitch"

Team loses 3-2... at the end of the game the blue manager shakes my hand and tells me how bad i was... 3 parents then enterred the field shook my hand and again told me how bad i was... thats fine i can take that i'm a big boy so that's like water off a ducks back.... likewise as i collect the flag from the red team they shake hands and say good game ref you managed that well etc.

It is what happened after it that i can not believe someone would do at a match for 8 years olds!

The losing blue manager than calls me over asking can he have a word. Yes i reply and happily listen to what he has to say. The manager had a little moan about missing pushes etc and then clames i swore infront of children. I called a league official over so that nothing i said could be twisted. i said i may of missed pushes and many more things for both teams but never accuse me of swearing infront of 8 year old children. i then make my way to the portacabin to get changed and give the results to the lady. As im in the portacabin the parent who had earlier enterred the field uninvited comes along with his 8 year old son and also in clear view of 6 pitches of children ranging from 7 to 10 years old walks towards the portacabin and shouts "come out here you" i then replied "If you want to talk to me you can say what you have to say infront of everyone" the gentleman (loose terms) then proceeded to 'square up' to me telling me he was "going to punch my head in". he then proceeded to push me in the chest with both hands.

I don't know if he thought i was going to bottle it and cower away but with all due respect i'm a scouser and i wont back down from anyone.... now i certainly wouldnt fight a) infront of children and b) in a referees kit, but i also wont cower away from someone pushing me. i then told the man to go away and i will be reporting him to the county FA. he backed down as he realised his push hadnt affected me in any way. He then wouldnt tell me his name but decided to tell league officials who had stepped in that i am a "terrible referee" and that i "should not do this job".

well the winning team thought i was great... and he never accused me of being bias so i must of been equally as good/bad from both teams

Yes i probably didnt help the situation by not walking away into the back of the portacabin out of the way but i certainly wasnt going to allow someone to think i was scared of a push or that his behaviour was acceptable. never mind infront of children

ps im ready for you all to tell me off for not hiding away somewhere! sorry guys!
 
Last edited:
The Referee Store
Don't see much you did wrong here. Nothing wrong with standing your ground rather than backing off in my opinion. You didn't act aggressively and they backed off straight away

I would be reporting the manager for his comments and for accusing you of swearing.
I would also report the club for failing to control its spectators
As for the parent I don't think you can report him personally to the FA (I could be very wrong here) but you can detail everything he did when you report the club for failing to control its spectators. If you want to go that far you could always report him to the police for assault
 
Let's not underplay this. This is assault of a match official and I would expect county to hammer the club concerned.
The club know who this man is and if they still want him at their games after the massive fine they will get then more fool them.
 
@Paul_Jones I concur with our colleagues about reporting everything, I also think you acted and approached this in a professional manner.

Just an advice to help you with similar incidents in the future. Never engage with persons who can not be officially identified (eg spectators, parents...), not even verbally from a distance. Always relay instructions to them via 'authorised persons'. Depending on the league an authorsied person maybe someone from the hosting club or a league official as you mentioned.

If a fan etc. approaches you and you know their intention is to 'complain' then always seek the presence of an 'authorised person'. This by no means is a show of fear or backing down. Its to ensure that a reliable witness is present in case of any incidents or if any unfounded claims against you are made.

For example in the OP it would have been better if you asked a league official to remove the parent from the pitch.
 
Last edited:
@mikedn that's exactly what I would have done as well..., running away would be like admitting defeat I'm actually really happy you stood you're ground
But yes, report every single detail to the FA and it sounds like you have witnesses to everything !
I literally cannot pick out a single thing you did wrong here... I bet you even had a good game - they were just "one of those teams"
 
Well done for dealing with the situation. In cases like this sometimes it's good to remember where the audience is, just as you did. You can use it to your advantage. Rather than shouting at someone who is close to you, it can help to keep your voice quite low so eventually they will mirror your tone of voice but while doing it, use huge gestures. The reason is the same as the showing of a yellow card, it's a communication tool.

You doing lots of pointing and shooing actions can get the "audience" backing you up and peer pressure can get this type of person off your field pretty quickly. Also, try not to tell people to get off your field, but ask them. Please and thank you can go a long way. Make sure your report of this incident goes in. You don't want to get a reputation a a referee who threatens a report but fails to follow it up. It goes down as an extraordinary report on Whole Game System (WGS). If you don't have access yet, then phone your RDO to get some help filling in the old paper style form if your County FA will still accept them or alternatively s/he can get you WGS access and you can do it online.
 
To reinforce what has been said above, well done in your handling. But do, do report it. This may be a parent with their first lad playing football (ie has no older children), and if his behaviour isn't corrected now then it will escalate over the coming seasons. Parents should be subject to codes of conduct, and the club's welfare officer is likely to take this up - and having an official's report helps them do their role as well.
 
Well done. Did well in my book

As others have said report the team for failure to control (an E20 iIthink it's called) their spectators and coaching staff and fill in a seperate report to go in as "assault of match official"

Don't care if it's U8s and they get such a big fine they have to fold..Stuff em
 
Thanks for the feedback, i really wasn't expecting it all to be positive. I submitted the report tonight so let's see what comes of it, if anything.

As i've never used the WGS before I just out it all on one report. i noticed some people mentioned catagories etc but I couldnt find these so i just submitted it as a misconduct report
 
Thanks for the feedback, i really wasn't expecting it all to be positive.
If you want a negative point, you must have been shocking to spark this reaction at an U8's tournament :p:p

Only joking pal. Like everyone said, nowt else you could do really. Normally I explain that my job, at young age group matches, is to make sure the kids enjoy it and to ensure everything runs smoothly, in these circumstances, ink you're not just there to up hold the LOTG, your job is much greater than that :)

In one U9's game I ranged from referee, to coach, to groundsman, to shoelace tier, to bin man. All in one game :)
 
Thanks for the feedback, i really wasn't expecting it all to be positive. I submitted the report tonight so let's see what comes of it, if anything.

As i've never used the WGS before I just out it all on one report. i noticed some people mentioned catagories etc but I couldnt find these so i just submitted it as a misconduct report
I mentioned a category. You got the right section. Your work is done on this one and it's time to move on.
 
Let us know what the action is by the FA.
It sounds sadistic, but I love hearing about teams getting folded because they can't afford to pay the misconduct fines.
 
Let us know what the action is by the FA.
It sounds sadistic, but I love hearing about teams getting folded because they can't afford to pay the misconduct fines.
That's a disgraceful attitude. You're saying you get satisfaction from a team folding because of the misconduct by a parent. Hang your head in shame. You're a referee, you're supposed to be impartial and no, there are no smilies on this post.
 
Take a frigin' chill pill @Brian Hamilton !!!!!!
All I'm saying is there's a certain satisfaction in justice being done. If you got your jaw broke on a night out by some lad for no reason, would you not feel satisfied if they went to jail ?
I'm aware there was no physical harm done to paul... But in perspective I'm sure anyone would feel happy that justice was done !
Can I also point out that other members have advocated the fact that the fines might make make them fold !
This needs to happen more often then maybe they'll get the message that we're not there to be abused !!!

On a side note, why is it always you that takes the (undeserved) moral high ground ?!
Is it hard to breath up there on your high horse ?
 
I wouldn't have used the word love (sounds a bit sadistic) to hear teams being folded, as players and parents not involved in the situation are unfairly affected.
I would say it gives me a sense of justice that the people/person involved in the said situation are punished. Surely a few enquiries with the team manager could mete out the people/person concerned and punished accordingly. I for one don't think it's fair the whole team should be punished for one parents actions, especially difficult situation to control within a tournament environment.
Paul had the absolutley correct management approach to the whole situation, didn't become "last weeks tournament ref" everybody in and around the whole scenario saw that the referee was in control and didn't back down and knew we as referee's do not run scared.
I applaud this referee for standing his ground and proved to everybody he was the man in black not in white.
So yes..... i would like to know the outcome of the punishment received to the perpatrator/s......but i wouldn't love it..
 
Take a frigin' chill pill @Brian Hamilton !!!!!!
All I'm saying is there's a certain satisfaction in justice being done. If you got your jaw broke on a night out by some lad for no reason, would you not feel satisfied if they went to jail ?
I'm aware there was no physical harm done to paul... But in perspective I'm sure anyone would feel happy that justice was done !
Can I also point out that other members have advocated the fact that the fines might make make them fold !
This needs to happen more often then maybe they'll get the message that we're not there to be abused !!!

On a side note, why is it always you that takes the (undeserved) moral high ground ?!
Is it hard to breath up there on your high horse ?
Maybe it's because I have an awareness of how posts on here can impact on the reputation of ALL referees? Also I'm a little older than most forum users and have lived a bit.

And you're seriously linking verbal abuse of a referee to violence on a night out where GBH was committed? Maybe you should reach for one of those pills yourself

I wouldn't have used the word love (sounds a bit sadistic) to hear teams being folded, as players and parents not involved in the situation are unfairly affected.
I would say it gives me a sense of justice that the people/person involved in the said situation are punished. Surely a few enquiries with the team manager could mete out the people/person concerned and punished accordingly. I for one don't think it's fair the whole team should be punished for one parents actions, especially difficult situation to control within a tournament environment.
Paul had the absolutley correct management approach to the whole situation, didn't become "last weeks tournament ref" everybody in and around the whole scenario saw that the referee was in control and didn't back down and knew we as referee's do not run scared.
I applaud this referee for standing his ground and proved to everybody he was the man in black not in white.
So yes..... i would like to know the outcome of the punishment received to the perpatrator/s......but i wouldn't love it..
Much better attitude to the situation

*ahem*makes presence aware*leaves*
Not sleeping Dan?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
We are talking about a team of 8 year old kids here right?
 
Last edited:
Back
Top