A&H

First real 'angsty 'game

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wa209

New Member
Hello all ,
been an avid reader of posts on this forum since taking up refereeing at start of season, but never posted
Had my first real mentally sapping game today. It seemed from the first whistle to last i had a barrage of comments re any throw in , simple foul , offside and declined penalty.
It was almost like white noise throughout the game.
No cards issued , spoke with a couple of players re reaction to challenge or just one too many fouls. It was just the incessant calling for anything and everything from beginning to end.
How do you cope with a game like that , where in the opinion of everyone , you cant do wrong for doing wrong !!
PS , funnily enough , after game was approached to ref for one of the teams next week !! Bizarre
 
The Referee Store
Yeah, "no cards issued" is a bit of a red flag. Talking to players about the backchat is all well and good, but there will come a point where they will all have realised you're probably not going to act on it - at which point, they feel they have free reign to just keep going.
 
I see your point. There were no real challenges that warranted a card and the comments i did't feel crossed the line. It was just the relentless nature such as 'did you not see that one on me ref' kind of comments. Strange game as after, the normal shook hands and a general chat about the game. No real issues.
But.....came away with an unsure feeling which did't sit well
Wondering what my more experienced colleagues would do
Cheers
 
wa209 said:
It was just the relentless nature such as 'did you not see that one on me ref' kind of comments.
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wa209 said:
Wondering what my more experienced colleagues would do
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Card.

They don't need to 'cross a line' to be cautioned for dissent IMO.

I'll give an example from today's match:

Decent game;

10th Minute, trivial foul; Number 8 comes up to me to 'ask a question' (i.e. his diplomatic way of saying 'dispute it'), I tell him my answer and then inform him if he comes up to me to 'ask this question' again, I'm cautioning him, because, why do I want him coming to me at all unless I'm asking for his name?

23th minute: Reckless challenge; Number 4 is cautioned for it, during which number 8 decides to pop over to 'ask the question'. Cautioned for dissent. Reason was relayed to nearby number 9, who 'asked' his own question, but quickly piped down when the clarification was given.

Never had another member of either team 'ask a question' for the rest of the game, and if anything, players were shouting to each other to 'shut up, and focus' on the game, because they knew, just by those two events that any comment was likely to draw my ire. In the end, he was the only non-tackle caution I had to issue for 90 minutes.

Does this mean I wasn't accepting actual questions? No. I would talk to the players, and clarify when needed - but this was on my time, when it was clear it was needed. Don't let the 'savvy' players 'ask a question', I mean why do they need me to say it's a foul tackle, have they no eyes?

If players are commenting on everything, first instance it happens; step in and tell them 'Number 5, none of that please, you chirp up again and I'll get the book out.' There's your warning, if they do it again, bring it out, job done. They'll stop then ~ I've killed lots of potential dissent cautions by telling players I can hear/see them doing low level nonsense and I'll take action next time, and 9/10 they focus on the game instead.
 
Thanks for your reply.
I take on board what you say. Perhaps i made a rod for my own back by explaining and engaging a bit too much instead of 'lets move on'.
Learning curve for me ( even at my age !!)
Cheers
 
First season here as well. I have found that sometimes thare are just games a bit like that. There's just a lot of chatter and it can wear you down over the game. As has been said above, I choose to engage on my terms. I will either ignore (not my preference as it seems aloof or rude), answer but tell them this is the last discussion we're having on it, or have a chat with the captains and tell them that it needs to come through them.

This is my own version of the stepped approach! Next stop is C2(D). It generally seems to work.
 
I will add in, slow the game down.
If the players want a disjointed unpleasant game, thats what I will give them, on the flip side, if things go along swimmingly, am fine with restarts yards away from where they should be and the rolliest of rolling balls.
Restart in right place, take time at subs, stand over freekicks, just do whatever it takes to slow down the game.
Idea being, if they are determined to ruin your afternoon, respond in kind so we are all on a level playing field.

We only take our personality, experience, whistle, and cards out with us. These are our tools.
 
I've posted on this particular subject before. The constant chirping/whining wears you down and before long, it's undermining your authority and is a distraction.

Before getting the cards out I'll often try (nice and loud) "Okay No5, I 've had enough of the constant comments now, it's distracting me. Next one to distract me is going in the book/to the bin. Last warning".

If nothing else, you've given clear indication of how the next individual who moans at you will be treated. Same with the benches. The rest is up to them. :)
 
I do like @RobOda 's approach, but as I can tell the OP is still a little sceptical, I think it's important to note you don't have to be that hard-line. Find your own level and stick to it - this experience tells you your bar is currently too low as it's getting to you, so learn from that.

I wouldn't normally raise an eyebrow at being asked for a foul or why it's been given, but the answer to that question is the end of it. And that answer can be as simple as "no foul" or "nothing there" - if that's all you want to say because you've moved on to worrying about other things, you're entitled to leave it there, and treat any further questioning or arguing as potential dissent.

Use the stepped approach as well - trying to shut down individual players is fine, but if it's starting to get to you then at the next one bring the captain in and make it clear it's a whole-team warning. And even more importantly, make sure you act on that, otherwise it will just immediately look like an empty threat.
 
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In my game yesterday there was some low level dissent coming from both teams, that was starting to get on my nerves. Gave a global warning to say that next person who shows any form of dissent is taking a 10 minute rest. Sure enough didn’t take long for someone to pipe up so he spent the next 10 minutes in the sin bin. Worked as no one else dare say anything. Not saying this will work every time but certainly worked on this occasion
 
Do also remember, in addition to the good advice and support above, you’re not there to be their mates
 
Hi all , sorry for late response , i had two youth games today with no issues.
Much good advice , as i knew i would get on here. I am perhaps a little too 'matey' and i think your right in that it reflects your own personality.
In hindsight and reflection , this can take you so far in some games , maybe not all.
So some useful tips here when you have those games and onward we go !!
Thanks all
 
wa209 said:
Hi all , sorry for late response , i had two youth games today with no issues.
Much good advice , as i knew i would get on here. I am perhaps a little too 'matey' and i think your right in that it reflects your own personality.
In hindsight and reflection , this can take you so far in some games , maybe not all.
So some useful tips here when you have those games and onward we go !!
Thanks all
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Well done - you are starting to think and act like a referee, not a player, from now on😁
 
Kes said:
Before getting the cards out I'll often try (nice and loud) "Okay No5, I 've had enough of the constant comments now, it's distracting me. Next one to distract me is going in the book/to the bin. Last warning".
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thank you for this comment. this morning i had a game where i was getting chirped at constantly. nothing nasty, nothing particularly damning just constant, and like you said which i didn't realise how it was affecting me, it was a distraction. for some context it was on a pitch with a running track engrained into it so i was trying not to twist my ankle whilst getting about the pitch, the lines were burnt in so i could hardly see the boundaries, and in true sunday league fashion i had no assistants. i made a few bad calls, a few 'correct in law' decisions (which the players didn't understand, always mind boggling, ie a pass back and foul throws). i think my performance, and really my desire to be there with the whistle dwindled because i had let the constant comments distract me and eat me up, i was also patronised by a few older players which i never quite know how to handle, found myself at times wanting to say "why can't you just be nice and play the game we've all got out of bed for?". hindsight, i should have taken action and given someone a ten minute rest.

i find its much easier to give a sin bin if someone makes an example of themselves and charges over to dispute your call, and i never thought i would say it, but id much prefer someone to shout their aggy dissent at me, rather than mock and patronise me like this morning.
 
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gvu_ref said:
thank you for this comment. this morning i had a game where i was getting chirped at constantly. nothing nasty, nothing particularly damning just constant, and like you said which i didn't realise how it was affecting me, it was a distraction.
i find its much easier to give a sin bin if someone makes an example of themselves and charges over to dispute your call, and i never thought i would say it, but id much prefer someone to shout their aggy dissent at me, rather than mock and patronise me like this morning.
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Spot on - it's the constancy that causes a distraction - and also lets the players know they've got into your head. I struggle to take that extra step, feeling I need to be justified to do so. A clear warning that this is what's happening, you've recognised it and you will take action on it can be the answer, but of course you do need to follow through.
 
I keep making decisions how I normally would and start cautioning for dissent. We all get games like that when no matter what you do you just get moaned at. Get through the game, take the experience from it and on to the next one ⚽️⚽️
 
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