Don't talk, card.

[Homer Ref]

Now in my 3rd year, I have always tried to explain decisions or ask coaches to be reasonable and, more importantly, responsible in their behaviour, particularly in youth matches. I've gone to the benches and given them too much time to argue - and that is basically what they will do, they will also question your ability. This stops this year. My advice to any new referees: Don't enter into any discussions! If you have cause to go to the bench for behaviour, go up close but not too close, get a card out and make sure they know they have been sanctioned. Yes, it might make you look ignorant and even arrogant, but coaches and players will never be your friends, and it is not in their interests to have you confident and assured. Many of them don't know the laws of the game. Even if they do, they're not going to want you to enforce them against their team, only the other team. Inform them pre-match that brief explanations can be given at the end of the half. But really, have respect for yourself even though it feels there is a lack of respect around you on that pitch.

 

[FinalWhistle]

and it is not in their interests to have you confident and assured. Many of them don't know the laws of the game. Even if they do, they're not going to want you to enforce them against their team, only the other team.

This is the key bit, especially the bold bit. The teams will always be biased towards themselves. Always.

 

[Archer]

The lesser-known Right Said Fred song.

With benches, if I’m sticking my head in, then it’s not a conversation, it’s I’m telling them “that wasn’t acceptable, here’s your warning” or it’s straight to disciplinary action if warranted.

Technical areas and centre circles aren’t the place for a chat. Here’s what’s happened, here’s what I’m doing, you know what my next steps are if there’s no improvement.

Then run away (key bit)

 

[RustyRef]

I always say that I will explain any decision but I’m not having a discussion over it. We might have to agree to disagree but I’ll give them the courtesy of explaining my rationale as long as they are courteous and respectful towards me.

I’m not going over to the benches to have those discussions though, they can ask me after the game. I might shout over the reasons, but keeping going to them to explain decisions will severely undermine your authority. As a general rule referees really want to be staying away from the technical areas unless there is action that needs to be taken.

 

[LCCE]

This is the key bit, especially the bold bit. The teams will always be biased towards themselves. Always.

If its consolation, I can say that referees can also be biased towards themselves in making the easier decisions rather then the hard ones.

 

[Big Cat]

The lesser-known Right Said Fred song.

With benches, if I’m sticking my head in, then it’s not a conversation, it’s I’m telling them “that wasn’t acceptable, here’s your warning” or it’s straight to disciplinary action if warranted.

Technical areas and centre circles aren’t the place for a chat. Here’s what’s happened, here’s what I’m doing, you know what my next steps are if there’s no improvement.

Then run away (key bit)

I default towards a softer stance when dealing with TA's. It's very common for me to face the FOP whilst isolating a coach down the touchline
I'd let them briefly speak first. The idea is to demonstrate to them that I'm not a pr1ck, which is often what they expecting. That's likely because dealing with them is so difficult that many refs may come across as pr1cks just because we arguably have little choice. Anyway, I'll keep it very brief and indicate 'it makes no odds if they're right or wrong, if they come to my attention again there'll be a sanction otherwise I'm gonna look like a weak pr1ck to everyone else'. So my default position is one of being somewhat receptive to the emotion, but just like they have the tendency to flip in nasty feckers, I can do that too if we wanna go down that path

 

[santa sangria]

“It’s important to let them express their emotions” is common advice from top refs.

On the flip side a big trigger for me is half time or full time when one or more officials gets into an endless discussion. Drives me nuts, always presents badly, worse if it’s an AR that keeps talking.

 

[Big Cat]

“It’s important to let them express their emotions” is common advice from top refs.

On the flip side a big trigger for me is half time or full time when one or more officials gets into an endless discussion. Drives me nuts, always presents badly, worse if it’s an AR that keeps talking.

Aye, it's important that AR's say as little as possible when approached by players/coaches for the unfriendly handshakes after the final whistle
(The same can be said for the Board Room, that English tradition of pretending to be friends whilst unnecessarily dragging out the time commitment).
Ref needs to control that moment in time. Even well meaning comments from an AR can inflame tempers. At least if the Ref makes things worse in some way, it's on 'his watch' and his club marks and observation score
I've even been known to include this requirement in my amazing pre-match, which is usually very short as I only like the stuff that deviates from repetition of an identical script every game