The Ref Stop

Junior/Youth Dealing with people after

JakeRef

JakeRef

Le meilleur arbitre jamais!
Level 4 Referee
What do you do about people saying stuff after the game?

For example, today, after the match one of the coaches came up to me and shook my hand. Then he walks back to his team, and says loudly enough so I could hear "He's a s*** ref" in front of his 13-14 yr old team. Act like an adult man. They won 4-2 and it wasn't my best game, but I wasn't bad. Players and spectators said the same sorts of thing under their breath when I walked past.

Is there anything I can do about it?
 
The Ref Stop
Did you ref the same team as me this week? :)

I cost them the game for giving a foul after the defender caught the striker on the follow through. End of game everyone on that team was saying 'worst ref ever', one of the coaches came up to me at the end telling me I cant give a foul for that etc. They lost 5-1. After collecting my stuff I went up to the coaches and asked their names for the misconduct report. Not acceptable the abuse they sent my way throughout the match. No wonder us youth get a bad rep when that's the example adults are setting.

Don't think it helped that I booked his 2 sons (not intentionally). One was in goal and fouled attacker in penalty area and the other for persistent infringement. Obviously, they were shocked and said I couldn't give a yellow for the foul (pull of the arm back) even after I explained he'd been spoken to previously.

Also booked their striker for diving. Wonder if anyone else would have done this at U14. He tried to take it round the keeper, lost control and jumped to the floor. Cue their captain (coaches son) telling me it wasn't the premier league. He was one of those players that moans at everything.

I would follow your match up with a misconduct report.
 
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Misconduct report for me all day long. You shouldnt have to accept that. Otherwise contact the leagues referee secretary. I've found them to be very helpful. Most leagues dont have loads of refs so they wont want teams to behave like that towards refs. Anything that might cause you to leave their league for someone else.
 
It's not right but ignore the comments even though they are rude. They are ignorant and need to take a long hard look in the mirror. They are entitled to their opinions but not to swear at you or about you.
Whistle a loud tune to yourself as you leave the area and block out the comments otherwise it is a battle(s) you can never win.
Post match in the changing rooms players forget that sound travels and unfortunately you will rarely hear anything nice being said about you so dive into the shower, get changed and get away.
 
CallumS said:
Also booked their striker for diving. Wonder if anyone else would have done this at U14.
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Yep - as soon as you move up from mini-soccer you play by the big boys' rules (or rather, laws). And any referee that thinks that there aren't any players at these ages that won't do what they can to try and con the referee are - in my view - mistaken.

re the OP - your profile says you are 15. I don't know where you are geographically, but are the clubs signed up to the Respect campaign? Not sure I would be writing a misconduct report over that one statement, but I would be tempted to contact my ref sec and the league secretary, as per @DaveMac a) the coach/manager shouldn't be talking to his players with that language, and b) he should be supportive of young referees. The rate at which the text messages hit my phone come Thursday evening from managers wanting a ref at the weekend demonstrates that they don't want to be running the middle themselves, yet this is the position they will find themselves in if they aren't brought up on their behaviour and language.
 
If aimed/said to me = misconduct report
If said non-aggressively/privately, I'd probably 'not hear it'. If the language used was particularly shocking or it was more personal than just about my performance then I'd definitely take action - but ultimately, for me, teams are always going to moan and nothing will ever really stop that. Better just to move on really if possible, and most of the time you won't have even had a bad game at all.
 
Thanks for all the tips guys, I think I'll leave it. He'd just deny it anyway. :/
 
CallumS said:
Also booked their striker for diving. Wonder if anyone else would have done this at U14. He tried to take it round the keeper, lost control and jumped to the floor. Cue their captain (coaches son) telling me it wasn't the premier league. He was one of those players that moans at everything.

I would follow your match up with a misconduct report.
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Absolutely book a youth player for diving!!! No question!!
 
JakeRef said:
Thanks for all the tips guys, I think I'll leave it. He'd just deny it anyway. :/
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It is obviously up to you what you do. But please don't ignore things if you think he'll just deny it. I used to think being abused was part and parcel of being a ref and to a degree it is. But you shouldn't be made to feel bad when leaving your game for any reason. Ultimately we all do this for our own enjoyment and whatever strange pleasure we get from it shouldn't be ruined. There are a lot of people who suppirt you as a ref. This forum, ref secretaries, local RA etc are all there for you. Any problem you have will be taken seriously. Much more so than you'd imagine because we are all here to help each other. Plus trust me, in these situations the chances of a hot headed, bad loser of a manager being believed over a referee is pretty slim.
 
@JakeRef No, do not leave it - Please.

We all say about how "last weeks Ref" does us no favours, if you just leave it then they will continue to think it acceptable to speak to ANY ref like that.

I'm 32 (admittedly 6'1",18 stone and a big lad)- but if I hear things like that I confront them there and then, ask them if they think that is acceptable when I'm still stood here, or give them the option of keeping it shut till they get to the car / home etc. I'm not critisizing your players am I?

And so what if your guy does deny it - in the eyes of the CFA he has to disprove it, as your word is taken with higher regard than theirs.

At the WORST if somehow he does get off it - he knows what happens.

You might be able to shrug it off (but I think it has upset you) - what about the next 14 / 15 yo ref, when he says that, it is the final straw and tips them over the edge be it to lose it, quit reffing, personally implode or worse.

I effing hate it when Adults forget the line with Minors, even if they are close to the magic 16, and they think that it doesnt exist just cos we wear black, and are on our own. I think that Junior refs should have a lot more matches with mentors / adult official with them for support and to fight their corner when needed.

Please please please - put it in. It's not right and not fair!
 
Yep, similar to me. I ask the manager or spectators to explain to me the specific issue I have got wrong and what The Laws say, I can guarantee you 99% of the time they get stuck and use a generic "common sense" comment.

I would never just ignore these things, even if it's just to tell them that you'll be reporting it. If you don't challenge it, they will do it again next week regardless. Most of these people are clueless as to the Laws and a simple challenge will expose them and get them to be quiet. Be polite, but firm and it usually works.
 
Over here, in this league, there isn't anything set up like match reports. It's fairly new, I refed the only two matches there's been. So it might end up being more trouble than it's worth.

I'll tell the guy in charge, but I can hear the coaches response "I disn't swear, the ref is just making thing up" and he might get his team to agree with him.

Once again, thanks for the helpful and friendly responses! :D
 
Anthony said:
It's not right but ignore the comments even though they are rude. They are ignorant and need to take a long hard look in the mirror. They are entitled to their opinions but not to swear at you or about you.
Whistle a loud tune to yourself as you leave the area and block out the comments otherwise it is a battle(s) you can never win.
Post match in the changing rooms players forget that sound travels and unfortunately you will rarely hear anything nice being said about you so dive into the shower, get changed and get away.
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Worst. Advice. Ever.

Do not ignore it....next week they go a bit further because they got away with it the week before.

If it's about you, it's loud enough for you to hear, and it's offensive, insulting or abusive....take action.
If it's the coach, nailed on misconduct report.

They only reason they behave like that is because of referees that ignore it!
 
JakeRef said:
Over here, in this league, there isn't anything set up like match reports. It's fairly new, I refed the only two matches there's been. So it might end up being more trouble than it's worth.

I'll tell the guy in charge, but I can hear the coaches response "I disn't swear, the ref is just making thing up" and he might get his team to agree with him.

Once again, thanks for the helpful and friendly responses! :D
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@JakeRef, this might be a big ask for a lad of your age (if your profile is correct) but there's an opportunity for your influence to shape the league if it's fairly new.

Over here the Football Association have codes of conducts for everyone who is involved in football and these are published here:-
http://www.thefa.com/my-football/football-volunteers/helpforparents/respect/codes of conduct

They also have a concept called Charter Standard and this applies to leagues as well as clubs. Take a look at what they say:-
http://www.thefa.com/my-football/football-volunteers/runningaleague/facsleagues

Don't know what your Aussie counterparts have in place but there could be some best practices that you could try and apply locally. Who knows, the guy in charge may thank you for helping him out.

And never let these coaches (or players) get away with abuse. Report it and hopefully, after their punishment, they'll get the right sort of guidance and education for them to improve. If they don't learn, they don't deserve to be in football and dragging it through the mud.
 
Padfoot said:
Worst. Advice. Ever.

Do not ignore it....next week they go a bit further because they got away with it the week before.

If it's about you, it's loud enough for you to hear, and it's offensive, insulting or abusive....take action.
If it's the coach, nailed on misconduct report.

They only reason they behave like that is because of referees that ignore it!
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Bit extreme Padfoot, everyone is entitled to an opinion. You seem to be advocating defending yourself against all and every comment you hear and disagree with. Exhausting. Judging by your tone you must be a very angry ref during and after the match. Perhaps in your haste you did not read what I said properly. If you look for a problem you will nearly always find one..... don't go looking or listening.
 
Anthony said:
Bit extreme Padfoot, everyone is entitled to an opinion. You seem to be advocating defending yourself against all and every comment you hear and disagree with. Exhausting. Judging by your tone you must be a very angry ref during and after the match. Perhaps in your haste you did not read what I said properly. If you look for a problem you will nearly always find one..... don't go looking or listening.
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You were advocating to a junior colleague that they should ignore the clear and obvious misconduct committed by a coach......that is just plain wrong.

And I'm clearly not,the only person who,thought so judging by other,comments in this thread.
 
Padfoot you need to read very s l o w l y what I said in my original posting.

They are entitled to their opinions but not to swear at you or about you.
 
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