Anxiety about a repeat fixture

[IslandRef]

Looking for some advice on this but also hoping that it can offer help to anyone else who has struggled with this in the past.

Been assigned a game this weekend that is a same fixture to one I had last year and was only my fifth game in refereeing. The game went bonkers with about 15 minutes to go after I gave a red for a pretty nailed on VC. After the game, sent off player shouting calling me this that and the other. Manager straight up to me asking to not put through the red to which I say no which leads to him having a complete meltdown and starts threatening me with "you won't ever ref again" " you're a cheating disgrace" " I get you banned for this" etc. Turns out the lad i sent off was his son so it figures I'd get that reaction. Obviously being a brand new ref i was very scared that that was it for me, I grabbed my kit bag, boots still on, and got to the car park and called a friend to pick me up asap even though I was only a 10 minute walk from home.
Report everything to the league and county but as you'd expect he's just told not to do it again and that's it.

16 months later and I've got exactly the same fixture this weekend and I'm very anxious about it kicking off again. I've decided not to ask for a different game as I'm already doing 3 games this week because we're that short on refs so I'm just going to jump into it.
Any advice on coping with the nerves about this situation or anything at all would be appreciated from those with lots of experience on this.

 

[Samuel]

Keep your head up is the first bit of advice, assuming you haven't seen that team since last season, they probably won't remember you. Sounds like you did everything you needed to in the previous fixture, so there's nothing they should be able to hold against you. Start the game as you would any other, make sure that you don't show any ill feelings towards the manager from the off to avoid sparking his memory and causing yourself a world of issues. And most of all try to enjoy it.

Hats off to you for continuing after that exposure early on in your career, I know plenty of guys that would have given it up after that. Just remember that you've got all us sad buggers on here to talk to if needed.

 

[RefereeX]

It may seem like they'll definitely remember you, but a year later they almost certainly won't - trust me. We're just a figure in black to a lot of these teams. Also, they may have had changes in personnel since then and it may be a different group. Just go out and treat it like any other game, but maybe have a back up plan for if things go south again - is there someone you know who will come and watch?

 

[The Gump]

I agree with others that they're unlikely to remember you. As an example, I reffed a game back in September where I sent a player off in the first half for aggravated OFFINABUS. Given the discriminatory element to the OFFINABUS, three further YCs to the same team in the first half and I'd awarded an offside against the oppo from a goal kick having almost blown the whistle on autopilot and knew as soon as I had my mistake and being a top of the table clash with history, it was pretty memorable. I then reffed the opposition of that day for the first time this weekend and it was only when I mentioned that incident and the offside post-match they recognised me.

However, even if they do recognise you, you were able and confident enough to issue a RC for VC just five games in and I guarantee you're a much better, more confident referee than you were back then, so you'll be absolutely grand.

After the game, sent off player shouting calling me this that and the other. Manager straight up to me asking to not put through the red to which I say no which leads to him having a complete meltdown and starts threatening me with "you won't ever ref again" " you're a cheating disgrace" " I get you banned for this" etc. Turns out the lad i sent off was his son so it figures I'd get that reaction.

And you will also now know that if this happens and you're still on the field of play after the FT whistle, it's RC as well as an Extraordinary Report.

 

[IslandRef]

Keep your head up is the first bit of advice, assuming you haven't seen that team since last season, they probably won't remember you. Sounds like you did everything you needed to in the previous fixture, so there's nothing they should be able to hold against you. Start the game as you would any other, make sure that you don't show any ill feelings towards the manager from the off to avoid sparking his memory and causing yourself a world of issues. And most of all try to enjoy it.

Hats off to you for continuing after that exposure early on in your career, I know plenty of guys that would have given it up after that. Just remember that you've got all us sad buggers on here to talk to if needed.

Thsnk you for advice and kind words, I actually did consider hanging up the boots that week but I just shrugged it off as part of the job and moved on after a few weeks

 

[IslandRef]

It may seem like they'll definitely remember you, but a year later they almost certainly won't - trust me. We're just a figure in black to a lot of these teams. Also, they may have had changes in personnel since then and it may be a different group. Just go out and treat it like any other game, but maybe have a back up plan for if things go south again - is there someone you know who will come and watch?

I haven't thought about someone coming along to watch but I'll definitely have a think about it

 

[Homer Ref]

Every game is different. I had praise from one coach one week and got nonsense from them the next game I had their team. Nuts that he calls you a cheat for refusing to cheat! They are happy when their team wins and if they don't then the last person they will look at is themselves. I am assuming this was a youth game you had?

 

[TheReferee]

is there someone you know who will come and watch

A development on this point, have you thought about explaining what happened last time to your CFA and see if they could appoint a Matchday coach to watch. I’ve done it before and if your going for promotion it can count towards that as well as far as I’m aware

 

[IslandRef]

A development on this point, have you thought about explaining what happened last time to your CFA and see if they could appoint a Matchday coach to watch. I’ve done it before and if your going for promotion it can count towards that as well as far as I’m aware

Cracking idea but it's probably too last minute to ask for it now

 

[Archer]

Worth a shout asking, just in case.

I’d have happily made the trip over as I had the weekend free until… about 20 minutes ago.

(Sent you a dm actually)

 

[IslandRef]

Update for those interested:
Manager did recognise me but I decided to have a quick chat about what had happened and he was very apologetic for his actions last season and we were happy to move on with a clean slate. Match went responsibly well and was a close, physical and end to end game. Manager was very vocal as expected but we ended the day with handshakes and smiles so a job well done
Thanks everyone who offered their advice and support!