RefSix

Abuse and Decision Making

Abeverley

Active Member
#21
personally, I’ve only ever interacted with parents when asking them to move behind the respect barrier (to a chap who had moved near the goal to watch. He wasn’t causing a problem really and was nice enough and went straight back).
You need thick skin with the parents. Comments about decisions etc are to be expected and I would only ever intervene through the manager if the language used was inappropriate for the age group.
From the sounds of the first game you mention here, unless he was really really kicking off I think you possibly overacted slightly. But, as the ref, it’s your decision and if you want him gone it’s the clubs responsibility to make it happen.
The threat of abandonment shouldn’t be used lightly, similar to promising a caution for the next something. If you threaten it and they don’t comply you have to do it and stick to it. You’ll be last weeks’s ref.

Swearing is something you’ll come across.
For me, it’s judged on merit each time.
I won’t have them swearing at me.
I had an u15 say “**** sake ref” after a decision. I turned on parent mode and said quite loudly and clearly so everyone could hear “there’ll be no more language like that young man!”
That did the trick.
Swearing at their own mistakes or at a teammate, again on merit. It’s part of the game.
But- from the OP- if parents are swearing like the one shouting at you in the second match I would most definitely be getting the manager to have a word. The parents should be setting an example!
 

Ciley Myrus

RefChat Addict
#22
With regards to mostly kids, but sometimes adults, I have heard me kinda shout "language please" just in general, not a warning to anybody, but merely a seed planted that maybe someones just too loud, or, sweary?!
If it came to it, in passing, I would have no qualms mentioning to coach something like, "remind number 5 to watch his language please" , nothing too over board but again just an indication that someones just stretching decency a tad
Old story of folk walking park with kids do not desire to be subjected to obscenities just because a football match is taking place.
Extreme but general public in laymens terms can see, or in this case hear, the going ons as a reflection of you, as referee. Your the referee, your meant to control the match yet you are content with the language being used...
 

Sheffields Finest

Maybe I'm foolish, maybe I'm blind!
#23
Instant cards are not the answer at the the milder ends of abuse, once you've cautioned for a certain thing then repeated stuff must be followed up with too. Do your best to manage, warn, encourage, whatever, once that doesn't seem to be working go to Plan B...... Even Plan C if you have to...
 
#24
I apologise for the length of this post. [EDIT] this perhaps should be in Match Incidents. But as a reasonably new referee (qualified in the summer), I thought I'd post it here.

I have refereed a couple of handfuls of games now (15-20). Most have gone without any major incident. I do the refereeing for one club and most of the players, parents and managers know me quite well. I managed one of the teams for a number of years and stepped down last year.

However the last couple of games have been absolutely awful and I would like some advise about what I should be doing differently. These are U13 and U14 games, not adults. I am a 30 year old adult so can handle most people around the pitch, but we do have a 16 year old who does referee this age group - which concerns me.

First game - U13s;

The game was 0-2 and there were are couple of decisions I made. A key one was one player (away) jumped (barged) into the back of someone, I gave a free kick to the home team. Explained to the child that side to side without being excessive is fine, but not through the back. Parents were not happy with it but let it go. However 5 minutes later the same player (away) was running alongside another player (home, who had the ball), tripped over his own feet and I carried on play. The parents were furious that I didn't give the away team a freekick. I still don't know why they were complaining. The game continued for another couple of minutes and the ball went out for a corner to the home team. One parent in particular was excessively shouting. I paused the game to go and speak to him. At this point there was 4 minutes until full time.

My mistakes - I went over the sideline and asked the spectator to calm down because I am the referee, I make the decisions and he needs to respect everyone on the pitch, not be so angry his face had gone red (I didn't say the latter). He did not shut up. I then asked him to leave the area. He refused. I asked him once again as I could not continue with this abuse and I would abandon the game. He continued, refused to leave. I abandoned the game. The manager spoke to me and asked me to continue the game for the sake of the children. I should have spoken to the manager before speaking to the spectator (mistake one). I agreed to continue the game (mistake two), but would be reporting it. I did report it to the league and the local FA. The game ended 1-2 (the home team scored in those last 4 minutes). The home team were happy with my refereeing.

Second game - U14s

Parents shouting and commenting on some decisions from the other side of the pitch. I ignore. There was then a crunching late tackle by a home player, side on, clipped the ball but took the player first, sliding. I quickly blew my whistle and gave a free kick. I did not give a caution (but should have), I did speak to the player and he apologised straight away. A few away players were then constantly sarcastic towards me, and generally were cursing during the game. I spoke to the linesman (away parent) at half time and said yes it should have been a caution, but I cannot go back and change my mind. He understood this and mentioned that he thinks I am losing control.

A minute into the second half one of the away players then went sliding in, nowhere near taking the ball and going straight for the player. The player was cautioned. His parent was then furious with me. The manager then substituted that player.

I then had another 20 minutes of shouting from the sidelines, sarcasm from away opposition of being biased. At one point I had a parent shout "You are a s*** referee".

Overall, the away team had approximately 15 free kicks, all of them were niggles, a couple of handballs. Nothing malicious or really purposeful, just some players on the home team weren't very good footballers. The home team only had a couple of free-kicks during the game. I did not give the away team a penalty when the ball hit a home players arm (the arm was down by his side and the ball hit him from 5 yards). The law states the handball has to be deliberate so I did not give it. I stand by this decision.

My mistakes - after the game I tried to explain to the players firstly, that yes the first half should have had a caution for the challenge, but that does not mean they can start retaliating and I had to put a stop to it. Some of their players were very nice and said thanks for explaining and parents were nice. Some players complete opposite and continued to be sarcastic. I then went and spoke to the parent who was shouting abuse at me, he did not take kindly to this and said he has been playing football for years and he can say what he likes to me when I am refereeing. I then explained that it an U14s game and this is not the same as an adults, I do not expect swearing from players and I expect all spectators to behave and support everyone on the pitch. Eventually he calmed down and just said that I should learn how to speak to people.


----

So my questions

- Am I right in sticking to my guts from Game 1 and abandoning the game? In future I will obviously speak to the manager first. But should I just accept that parents will be constantly shouting at me? I hadn't really had it before.

- Should I accept U13s and U14s swearing (not necessarily at me) during the game? Personally if that was my child I would not be happy and therefore count it as foul and abusive language. But the Laws of the Game it is a sending off. I am still not sure what to do in this case. If the swearing was directed at me, it would be a straight sending off, but if it's general swearing?

- In the first game I did give a caution for dissent. If a player disagrees with me and says so, I can accept. But this was constant from one player and after I told him he needs to stop, he continued. The caution then came. Do I stamp out ALL chatting back and give cautions? Or do I let them have a small tantrum at a decision. I find it difficult to think what should I just ignore and what should I caution for.

- Is it worth asking the local FA for another more experienced referee to come and mentor me? I am an adult, and refereeing children's games, but the last two games have made me start questioning my ability. I wouldn't say I am aiming to be a Premier League referee, but would look for a promotion or two

- Both games the home team were happy with my performance. But I am not sure if they are just saying this because they know me. They have asked me to referee instead of the younger 16 year old referee they have because he hasn't been as forceful as me on fouling (even though I STILL get shouted at my spectators)

If you managed to get here, thank you very much.
Ive been refing for manu years highest ive been to is a liner for FA Cup game at salford city
Some tips 1. Stick by your decision even if you get it wrong never i retrate never change your decision
2. Parents will be parents they dont know the rules let them shout just block it all out its part of the role trust me the higher you go the worse it gets you just have to deal with keep your concentration and keep focuses.
3. Talk to your players during the game appreciate a good tackle good goal be verbal dont show vunrebility if its not a foul say it no foul be firm. Players will always disagree with you why wouldnt they haha talk to them on a level explain be verbal.
4. Swearing is unfortuanley a part of the game which we dont like but it exists in all parts of football. Before the game summon both teamsexplain to them watch your language respect each other have a good game. Then talk to captains explaining if you have any issues during the game if you have any issues you will call upon them tell them to keep their team under control.
 

Ciley Myrus

RefChat Addict
#25
Ive been refing for manu years highest ive been to is a liner for FA Cup game at salford city
Some tips 1. Stick by your decision even if you get it wrong never i retrate never change your decision
2. Parents will be parents they dont know the rules let them shout just block it all out its part of the role trust me the higher you go the worse it gets you just have to deal with keep your concentration and keep focuses.
3. Talk to your players during the game appreciate a good tackle good goal be verbal dont show vunrebility if its not a foul say it no foul be firm. Players will always disagree with you why wouldnt they haha talk to them on a level explain be verbal.
4. Swearing is unfortuanley a part of the game which we dont like but it exists in all parts of football. Before the game summon both teamsexplain to them watch your language respect each other have a good game. Then talk to captains explaining if you have any issues during the game if you have any issues you will call upon them tell them to keep their team under control.

Why on earth would you not change a decision even if you get it wrong, your principle goes against the LOTG which allow you entirely to change a decision?
Point 2 is a bit strange too, as the younger the kids, the more the parents protect them and so on, when you get to say 15 16 21s, there are less and less parents pitch side and the kids tend to look after themselves, the higher up you go, the easier games become, your actually dealing with players who are adults and you can treat them as such and the higher you go the better regulated football is
Point 4 re the captains is very much a local/country thing/personal thing, is certainly not a directive or recommendation where I am and if anything we discourage it. As been discussed on here since the day I first found this forum, giving your pre match briefing is only setting yourself up for a fall, and if am going a step further, swearing is not actually prohibited in the first place.
oh and because am on a roll, point 3, the non award of a foul is enough demonstration that its not a foul. I talk a lot and I encourage it but be careful on the good tackle lark too, plenty times of (when you get to your high level) you will be shown clips back and there is you going "good tackle mate" and turns out on replay the players been decapitated (ok head is still attached but point being, on replay, its a clear foul).
bit rude as well just to simply say parents don't know the rules, anyone in the street can know the rules. Every chance if a boys playing football, the dad is interested in football and stands to reason someone on that crowded touchline is either a current ref or has at least sat the course.
 

Tino Best

RefChat Addict
#26
1.If I have made a rick and the team who are going to gain advantage with it point out my mistake which disadvantages them I will change my decision.
2. I think what MarkC is saying ignore the white noise unless its abusive of offensive
3. I agree with both MarkC and Miley, yes we should communicate with players but never give a compliment to a player as the good tackle could be repeated but you are a different angle and its not, and after cautioning you get but you said it was a good tackle 5 minutes ago.
4. Swearing, do not set yourself up to fail. If you say at KO no swearing I will caution every time you might end up abandoning as players swear at themselves or team mates and suddenly there are lots of players back in the changing room. If you find general swearing offensive it must be very hard to be a ref in this day and age where industrial language is more common.
 
Top