I'm just giving you a like for calling it a lemon and a cherry... >_>
I'm just giving you a like for calling it a lemon and a cherry... >_>
one
RefChat Addict
And if you ever go for the three card trick, you are dishing out a fruit salad (fruit cake?).
So if
Good advice Minty, u make it sound so bloody simple
I chucked myself in the deep end and it’s a lot to take on board & then implement, like I said before I’ve been to weak and not put enough thought into Puting things right, it’s taken me 5 games to actually get to the bottom of this dissent issue.
I tell u one thing minty I won’t be complaining next wknd on here that sum1 got to me, I’ll be dealing with it from the off!
My mindset on the course & my mind set in my first game upuntil this Sunday was a bit well it’s a bit of fun I won’t bother reading the handbook I know the basics, I’ll get through games with no real drama it’s only Sunday league, I’ll be the players mate & have a bit of banter........
Well my mindset now is this sh*t is serious, I’m there to ref implement the laws & zone in on my game, I’m not there to be people’s pal & ive got a reputation to build and skills to learn, my decisions won’t improve or my game won’t improve unless I do something about it, I’ve got to chuck the self contious thoughts out the window trying to look the part on the pitch be cool the way I run & conduct myself etc, just gonna chuck all that out & concentrate like I’ve never concentrated before.
Hurrah, the penny drops.
Welcome to the real referee world! It's all about your own mind set; get your game head on, take no crap and you'll find the players start to give you some respect......if that is ever possible!
Don't get into a discussion on the cop, offer to talk at half time or after the match......very few will take you up on it.
Good luck and enjoy your next match.
We'll have to rename Minty, Captain Sensible after this thread!!! 
As a new ref who is the same age and has played football at a decent enough standard until I packed in at the end of last season like yourself, I can relate to alot of your issues and maybe my tuppence worth may be of some value (doubtful). On Sunday I had top v bottom in a local Sunday league. Clear difference in quality but the firmness off the pitch (not frozen) made it difficult for them to break down the opposition, who's goalkeeper gave a performance befitting of semi pro standard, the lad was unbelievable and the game ended 0-0. Now we all know when we've had a good or bad game, I'd had a good game on Sunday. Major decisions correct, no bad challenges (id been strict on studs up challenges etc from the off). Despite one of the teams being clearly beyond frustrated, there were no problems with dangerous tackles etc. I received dogs abuse throughout from one team, direct dissent to indirect comments etc. I try and manage through communication before cards if possible and I can handle myself so there's no problem for me but I shouldv used the cards and i didn't and I'll learn from that. The abuse doesn't bother me, it's just anger and frustration but I shouldn't allow it and I won't next time. I just warned them and then told them that we were beyond communication and it was cards only from then on (didn't show any as it never got out of hand but I still should have). I told the captain what would happen and he had a word but this team was proper 'frothing at the mouth, in a state of constant anger mode. TBH I found the dissent boring and tragic but these are men who after the game were in the main sound as possible with me afterwards, they're just trying to influence you during the game and directing their own frustration at u and as long as u understand that u dont take it personally. The opposition manager gave me alot of praise for being "strong" after the game, the home team manager accused me of costing them of 3 points due to disagreeing with a last minute goal kick decision. It's just frustration, don't get angry, just be firm in your actions and words (like me) and firm with your cards when required (I failed but I learned). My tip is always to remember that they are trying to influence you and are frustrated that they can't if you handle yourself well, it's usually not personal.
Last edited:
Sunday’s grunts can go two ways, either they knew-me or they didn’t. The ones that did know me knew my red line, ‘he likes a tackle but don’t call him naughty words’. My reputation went before me as the Mr Bstard of the league, took a few years but I was proud of the honour. Games reffed themselves as they knew what not to do, I was asked last week to return as the new breed are struggling to keep the peace! No chance of that but you’ve got to set your stall out as no nonsense and eventually games that once you struggled with become a cake walk,
I’d of never put up with the promotion bllocks, I’ve a happy life away from that grief, in my mind I could dance a League 2 game, sadly I couldn’t afford to do it and we will never know whether I could of! Bigger fish to fry now!
I’d of never put up with the promotion bllocks, I’ve a happy life away from that grief, in my mind I could dance a League 2 game, sadly I couldn’t afford to do it and we will never know whether I could of! Bigger fish to fry now!
Being good at explaining your decisions works best for me for controlling the players. When they moan for offside, I explain that I'm doing the job of the referee and both linesman (no CARs) and that they may well be right and me wrong but they'e got a perfect view looking along the line from defence and I'm central looking at the play as well as the through ball etc. Then its the whole "I will only give it if im 100% sure and its the same for both sides, we're all doing our best on this pitch today" etc. 99% understand if you explain well, even if u know u got it wrong lol. People only want honesty, most can accept you get things wrong if u explain well
They don’t want honesty, they want a decision that suits them, most of them are cheats, period, it’s endemic in most footballers. As a Ref you shouldn’t care who benefits, they do, and if it’s against them chances are they think your crap! Chin up sunshine, I’ll get one right soon!
Now there we disagree. Wanting a decision is obviously endemic, the explanation comes after they haven't got it, it's a seperate process. I don't believe that they think you're crap because they haven't got a decision. They will only think you're crap if you're actually crap. They will think you are a good ref if you see through their attempts to influence you, they just won't ever tell you!
I'll disagree here.
santa sangria
RefChat Addict
Unfortunately that's not the way it goes in my experience. You can have a blinder but: if there's a losing side and/or a whinging/complaining side... no matter how well you have aced your decisions, how respectfully you have carried out your mission... there may be still be players, or a whole team, or more, that think you are cr**. For some of them it might wear off after an hour or two though
The good news here though is a learning point: forget about refereeing to please players. That's not the gig. And you can't. If you try to please them, "they" will abuse it, it will be counter productive.
Respectfully diasagree 100% with that Ben, you can have a stormer, your blather is irrelevant in their eyes, you fecked up, period!!! It wasn't for them!! It was wrong!!
D
Deleted member 3014
Guest
Hurrah, the penny drops.
Welcome to the real referee world! It's all about your own mind set; get your game head on, take no crap and you'll find the players start to give you some respect......if that is ever possible!
Don't get into a discussion on the cop, offer to talk at half time or after the match......very few will take you up on it.
Good luck and enjoy your next match.
Good to hear sum1 in the same boat, sounds like you’ve had just as much dissent as me & it hasn’t seemed to affect you as much, I think my mindset has been wrong tbh.
I’ve gotta harden myself to negativity & brush it off, I’ve also gotta take action if I feel it’s over stepping the mark or it’s causing me an issue in refereeing the game, I know this will all come with time & the more I deal with situations the easier they will become next time, doesn’t help that I’m blowing out my arse sometimes when I’m trying to bollock a player & I can barely get my words out
But hey must be something I love about this game because I can’t wait to get back out there, heaven help the next player to give me sh*t because they are gonna know about it trust me..
I’m incharge ive got the whistle I’ll make the decisions yes we can have a laugh here and there yes i want the game to flow but from now on the pitch will find out very quickly what I will and will not tolerate.
If reading the lotg isn't your thing use it with areferee. The 2 of them together work well. Do the quizzes and look up the answers you get wrong in your book, I know there are mistakes on this site but it is easier than just reading.
At the coin toss just warn your captains to tell their gobby players to keep it quiet.
9 times out of 10 as the game finishes most players revert to polite human beings.
Use your cards early it makes a massive difference to game control,
At the coin toss just warn your captains to tell their gobby players to keep it quiet.
9 times out of 10 as the game finishes most players revert to polite human beings.
Use your cards early it makes a massive difference to game control,
SurreySuperRef
Active Member
So guys I ref’d my 5th game today & it went wellish but I’m just gonna highlight a few points & keep them as short as I can, I know I’ve gone on a bit since I started to ref a month or so ago & im sure you have gone over this a thousand times & there might even be threads on these topics but here goes anyway.
Descent not aimed directly at me is really starting to p*ss me off, it knocks my confidence a little & the overall feeling I get is who the f*ck do you think you are talking about my decisions like that, as I said it’s not directly at me but i seem to get one player per game that won’t shut up in the background, the way I feel right here and now which is 10hrs after the game has finished is I wanna lay the fella out, as silly or ridiculous it sounds it’s p*ssing me off thinking about it.
The whole team were moaning from start to finish they were unbearable like a bunch of old women & the CB in particular was on it from the word go, the first time he swore in relation to a decision of mine I warned him I said be very careful with what your saying, second half again he said something again swearing in relation to what I’ve given this time I said the next time you swear in regards to my decision your in the book.
He gave it the whole “your picking on me everyone is swearing” I said they’re not swearing in relation to my decisions you are!
Anyway he kept a lid on it after that but his whole team were a bunch of old women, if I was playing against them I would 100% of been sent off, there was a few comings together between both sides and a few flash points which was no surprise with the moaning and verbal coming from the home side.
So descent or the little bitchy comments are getting me down on the field it dents my confidence & reduces my focus and concentration, if it’s not aimed directly at me to my face it’s tricky to deal with but I think I’ll be getting more serious and nipping it in the bud a lot more from now on, I just wish I had the total game to go with my mouth I wish I was a class ref which would back up all I say on the field to the players, I guess with experience it will come.
After every comment I hear I want to stop the game and have out with every individual, seriously I’m finding it so hard not to either take it personally and feeling down and like a mug being picked on or when I get home i dwell on it I feel anger and wish I could go back to this morning and have a tear up with them, I had banter with refs I was cheeky but these pr*cks that act like spoilt 12yr olds I feel like chinning every single one of them.
Next point is being scared to blow the whistle, two separate sub topics foul throws & fouls, please god above can someone explain to me why I’m not blowing for a foul throw? As a player I couldn’t throw the ball don’t ask me why but I couldn’t in 20yrs of playing football I never threw the ball once odd I know but I just didn’t, now this is the second game where I can see a clear foul throw and I haven’t blown for it, it happened twice today in quick concession & I got hammered for it on the sidelines, why oh why am I not blowing for foul throws when it’s clear infront of me.
Fouls: now I have my own theory on this but for some reason I seem to let a lot go, I don’t seem to be blowing unless it’s clear and blatant, I just seem to let fouls go and just say play on play on, obviously I don’t wanna be blowing every 5 seconds but my theory is I’m stuck in two minds so let it go or it’s just easy not to blow and wave play on, it’s like I’m waiting for someone else to blow like when I played, it’s like I’ve still got my playing head on & think inside to myself “well don’t look at me it’s not my problem” when actually it is my problem I’m the ref.
I made a contious effort to really concentrate in the last 20 today, I sort of zone out sometimes and the game sort of manages itself until a big call comes and then I’m drawn on for a decision so I thought today come on get on it for the last 20, but back to my point I’m finding it a bit tricky actually giving fouls & being consistent, I’m sort of freezing on the spot with the whistle & not blowing unless I really think it’s a foul, sometimes I even see an incident after it’s happened I’m thinkng that was a foul, so yeah bit of an issue with this & tbh it’s the fundamentals of ref’n so I need to address it, maybe I haven’t been as focused and contious enough about working on my issues maybe I’ve been to relaxed and haven’t tried to change game on game.
Hand ball / ball to hand had it a lot today again finding it a bit tricky to differentiate between the two.
Not seeing who it came off last, had it today home team swore blind it’s a corner I couldn’t see who it came off neither did Lino so i gave goal kick safe all round, home team literally still going on about it up until HT, I explained my reasoning captain accepted it but gobshite fella I was talking about and others wouldn’t let it go, tbh I think it was just the team itself because 5 games in they were by far the worst.
So yeah that’s just a few points, my own theory is I need to concentrate more and really work on my weakness it’s like I go out there each week & make the same errors and don’t address what I’m concerned about, I’ll try that next week.
I’m having Sunday off next week but will more than likely be ref’n on sat which is a better standard with neutral lino’s Tbh I’m 50/50 on weather to do it or not, it could totally dent my confidence but I feel inside that if i bottle it then what’s the point in being a ref, if asked to ref the FA Cup final I should be up for it.
Anyway apologies for going on, but this is the only therapy I get on a Sunday evening, the Mrs didn’t ask me once today how the game went I mean Jesus even my own house hold aren’t backing me
First of all, if someone told me to piss off, I'd be dealing out a yellow. Your cards are tools to help you control the game. Don't be afraid to use them, it sends a message that dissent will not be tolerated. If someone talks themselves into a red, again that's their fault.
With the fouls, I'm like this too. The lower the standard of football, the more niggly it gets. More often than not, teams are willing to get on with it. Don't be afraid to play advantage, or just shout out something like "careful there player, you nearly fouled him." Players will appreciate you being proactive whilst letting the game flow.
With infringements, don't be afraid to blow for it. On the field of play, you are the only one with the authority to call infringements, so don't doubt yourself.
It sounds like you're doing everything right, but you just need confidence to carry it out. That will come the more games you get. Games like this help prepare you for the tough fixtures.
If players are doing your head in, don't be afraid to use cards. If you're feeling nice, you can give one warning, call the captain in, and state that any further dissent will be sanctioned accordingly. If they won't listen to reason then they have to pay the price.
As for close decisions, club assistants can vary in quality. All you can really do is brief them properly before the game, and hope for the best. If it's a close decision, make it fast and be firm and rigid with your body language. If you take time, players will pick up on it and know you're unsure. Even if you're wrong, if you give it quickly and firmly the players will think "f***ing hell, he seems sure about that, maybe I'm the one who's wrong."
D
Deleted member 3014
Guest
Cheers Surrey Just can’t wait to get back out there & try to implement sum of the stuff discussed on here.