3rd game today - t'was horrible

[CallumS]

Hello, I'm 16 and had my 3rd game today and as the title says it was horrible. My first and second game were alright (both U13's) other than my misunderstanding of timing and accidentally awarding a throw in to the wrong team which led to the winning goal after being distracted with the bombardment of advice received at half time.

Anyway, so today I arrived 20 minutes early for an U15 game after they changed the venue and made the kick off time earlier that morning due to miscommunication. Then due to more miscommunication the new venue (hate saying that - sounds so pretentious) was double booked which meant we couldn't use the new venue either. Somehow the original venue became available so i got a lift with the home team. By the time we were there the original kick off time had gone by by 10 minutes. Fast forward through the pitch inspection, linesman finding / briefing, manager card check and warm up and kick off is 30 mins late.
So already its not going great (although not particularly my fault).

The match started badly as both teams went onto the pitch into their positions ready for kick off before i'd had time to explain how i wanted substitutions to take place (so far all managers ive seen don't wait for the player to leave the field before allowing the new player on - happened again regardless of my brief). For some reason the home team had sent 2 players forward for kick off. I blew the whistle to signal the captains to come to the centre and the home team kicked off meaning I had to bring play back and do the whole coin toss thing (although i'd forgotten a coin so did a 'which hand is the leaf in?' version). So bad start as you can imagine.

The game itself had lots of shoving in the back, lots of ball to hand moments and plenty of 50/50's. Which for the most part I ignored due to not wanting to stop play every 30 seconds. A reason that the players did not agree with.

There were also plenty of moments where i could not see properly (due to the sun) and had to rely on my linesmen whose decisions were regularly biased and who failed in my instruction of the corner symbol i wanted. This made it very hard to make certain calls and naturally resulted in many complaints.

So first half ends, the home teams linesmen switches with a fellow parent and a emphasise once again the corner symbol i want - not that they used it.

Second half starts and suddenly everyone wants the shove in the backs to be given. A lot of abuse was given yet I didn't card due to thinking i should be more lenient with this age group (a belief that will be completely ignored going forwards).

There was a goal-line clearance (which after the game i have been told went a yard over) which i played on for due to not being able to tell so going with my linesmen who was in line (albeit he parented the defending team so in retrospect may have been biased).

Throughout the game the away teams assistant manager complained, made snide remarks and made insults towards me which didn't help. Even the right back and manager told him to shut up once or twice.

I had home team players giving me positive reinforcement which was weird but this was unpredictably only when the decision went with them.

The away team hated every offside I gave (4 in all, all against them) which continued the abuse.I cautioned an away team defender after becoming fed up of the verbal abuse - this was greeted with plenty of sarcasm.

The away team scored to make it 2-1 to them and the striker ran past me saying "are you gonna give f***ing offside to that ref?" which i cautioned him for. Had trouble getting him away from the other players so just carded him with them in the end.

There's a chance in the final couple minutes where a home team player goes down, it goes to someone on his side and they shoot and the shot bounces off a defender in about 2 seconds of play. I didn't bring play back and instead continued (i mention this as the home team manager spent a good 5-10 minutes complaining at both this and the goal-line decision after the final whistle).

Game ends finally.

I speak to both managers - home team complained about the above decisions. I took the assistant managers name, he wouldn't give me a surname instead asking why i needed it and insisting i come over to chat with him. I stayed where i was talking to the linesmen who was also a qualified ref.

Him, a club official and a different home team coach to the one mentioned were all fairly supportive about how i'd done which was nice. Although, they did say they'd have given more of the fouls. The complaining home team manager was insistent that i'd lost control of the game which, with all the verbal abuse i may have.

All in all, it was a horrible experience. I felt like a punch bag hired by a boxer and its taken away a lot of my confidence.

Were the card decisions correct?

I have decided to follow up with the surrey fa regarding the away teams assistant manager and his relentless verbal abuse. Is this right?

And any other general advice you can offer.

Cheers if you've bothered to read this haha. It was an enjoyable vent anyhow.

Feel free to share your worst experience - it will help me feel better about myself

 

[bester]

For corners you really shouldn't be relying on the linesman very often. if it's down in their corner and they give it against their own team then go with them unless you're 100% it's a goal kick. You'll soon find out that every close in-out decision was a "yard over" according to somebody.
Don't listen to managers particularly when you've had a difficult game, very little good can comes out of it. Get the admin done and disappear.

Speak to your mentor, if you haven't got one, get one!

 

[Nimbleblade]

Callum,

Don't know which league it was but there are a number of teams who no matter what you do will be on your back, you could be Howard Webb and they'll still complain, by the sounds of it you've done the correct thing in contacting Surrey FA, in addition please contact the league, they like to know of all issues particularly at this age group.....
I had a manager complain today because I was ' too strict ' and kept penalising his team for pushing in the back

 

[HertsFinest]

With regards to the player you booked for dissent and he gave you sarcasm back, I would publicly call him back and dress him down and if he continues, second yellow and bin him. Show youre not going to take it.

With regards to ARs and corner signals, dont go into too much detail with what signals you want, just simple ball in and out please and high flag for offside will suffice at this level. Over officious to the CARs will only cause problems at that level as you will get frustrated with them not doing as they ask (I promise you you can put it in writing to them a week before kick off, they will still be useless 9 times out of 10)

Sounds like the bookings were correct but make sure you deal with dissent early, set out your tolerance level. Youll find if you get a muppet in the book early doors the rest will quickly shut up. You may get 1 or 2 carry on, book them aswell and youll have a peaceful game for the rest of the match.

I wouldnt worry about your pre match **** ups either, its not youre fault and understandably you werent 100% focused after the venue change and timing issues.

Also with subs, dont get too hung up on it, just make sure they have one off one on. Dont be over officious with it, youll only damage your own confidence and wind yourself up.

With regards to the players hanging around while you caution their team mate, just wait, youve got all day and can add time on. Tell them clearly to move away and the game wont restart until they do. They should get the message. If they dont, take 3 steps back, pull player accross and gesture to others to move away. IF you get one really taking the mick, call them in and warn them that they are delaying the restart and will be booked if they dont move away pronto.

Its early doors mate and youll always feel a little bit disolusioned over some things. IT happens to us all.

Today for example I was so cold I completely forgot to prepare my match card pre match. Did toss, pre match and said good luck to captains.... 22 players and linos ready to go, me standing like a tit with freezing hands trying to fiddle with paper in match card wallet to rip last weeks out and prepare this weeks. Took me a good minute to sort out and was rather embarrasing. IT happens to us all.

Also had a bit of dissent early doors because I gave a foul throw for a player taking throw in from 10 yards away from touchline. Most refs allow it but I dont and it caused one or two players to come at me. In the book they both went and the rest of the game (bar the last two minutes, thats another story!) went lovely and quietly and enjoyably

Chin up pal, and heres to next week

 

[CO. DOWN REF]

When you think about school and the start of a lesson is really chaotic because a teacher is late, or a fire alarm went off, whatever, then usually the behaviour, work etc will be that bit worse. In effect that's what happened to you today from a teacher's point of view. Show some sympathy from now on if you're still at school! Everyone unsettled, toing and froing. As for the decisions, you're 16 and only a few games - they'll come with practice.
As for the adults, they're taking advantage of your age - so don't allow it to happen. It may be nerve wracking but make your mark early if they're crossing the line. Stop at a pause for throw in etc and make a deliberate point of speaking to the individual and making a clear assertion that if it continues they'll be asked to leave.
Even the fact today that you had to hitch a ride left you in a vulnerable position - where us older ones just jump in our car and go.
Put it all down to experience, learn and move on. I personally am more lenient with this age group, rarely using cards. However, I am 20 years older than them and been teaching for 15+ years. At the age of 16 you have rightly identified this isn't possible.
Well done.

 

[RegalRef]

I agree with what people have been saying above.

Confidence is the key without being ****y which is a fine line and can't really be taught, it just comes with age and experience/life experience.

I had a similar issue with CAR's yesterday - gave both managers a flag each to give to their nominated AR's. Ball goes out after 5 minutes and I realise both AR's are on the same side of the pitch. I stop the thrower from taking the throw and turn to the two benches to request one of them goes across to the other side. I shout nice and loudly 'I need one of the assistants with a flag on the other side please, I can't have both on the same side'.

Que a stand off where nobody speaks or moves an inch. Silence is your friend in an instance like that, keep calm, keep quiet. Still nothing after 30 seconds so I shout up 'I can't restart until I have one on each side, thank you'. I then turned to the guy waiting to take the throw and loudly shouted again 'wait for the whistle player, it seems we could be here a while'.

In fairness the away manager was pretty much on his own and he was the one with the flag, where as the home team had 3 'coaches' and 3 subs who were all capable of going over to the other side. The home manager says 'what you looking at me for, we're the home team'. I said loudly 'and as the home team I would expect you to be hospitable hosts, particularly given there's 5 of you that are more than capable. Nominate an assistant and let's continue the game please.'

At that point I walked back to my position for the throw and 22 players did the rest for me. They called the home coaches every name under the sun and he very quickly organised man with flag onto the other side. I loudly thanked the new CR and made a point of thanking him at the end of the game, he said he enjoyed doing it and I told him he did a good job.

The message for me is be clear, concise and stick to your guns. If you ask for something to happen because it is in line with LOTG eg equipment check be very to the point, friendly and make the players know it will happen with or without a lot of assistance.

I tend to seek out the captains help with that to be honest, but I've rambled enough as it is, I'll save that for another thread.

Chin up, chalk it to experience, look forward to the next game.

 

[RegalRef]

Just a question @HertsFinest, you say you give a foul throw for taking a throw 10 yards away from touch line, how come providing the action is legal and the ball doesn't bounce before it crosses the line?

 

[bester]

Regal why aren't you briefing your CARs before the game?

 

[RegalRef]

Brief?

Not much to say really...I usually give them the flag and say 'in and out only please, I'll do the rest.Thanks'

99% of the time any additional instructions would be lost anyway....

 

[HertsFinest]

Just a question @HertsFinest, you say you give a foul throw for taking a throw 10 yards away from touch line, how come providing the action is legal and the ball doesn't bounce before it crosses the line?

Personally unless the ball enters where its gone out to the foot I'll reverse it. Using the laws to my own taste really as I don't like it. Just one of those things.

Having said that, on my course we were always told any more than a few yards back,don't allow it. Suppose again its down to how you interperate that law

 

[lincs22]

Back to CallumS original post.

As a young lad, all sorts of pressure will be tried on you. You don't have the experience yet to deal with i##ts we get at junior football.

It sounds like you did the right things, don't get too hung up on substitutions yet. Concerntrate more on getting the right decisions and overall match control. Once you have more confidence in your own refereeing, start doing other things right.

We cannot all be Howard Webb from our first match, it took him over 20 years of refereeing to get to the World Cup.

 

[RegalRef]

Personally unless the ball enters where its gone out to the foot I'll reverse it. Using the laws to my own taste really as I don't like it. Just one of those things.

Having said that, on my course we were always told any more than a few yards back,don't allow it. Suppose again its down to how you interperate that law

Fair enough.

I have to say I'm not to the foot as long as they don't take the proverbial.

Interesting somebody should say that about a few yards back. For me LOTG state how close to FOP thrower can be but not back.

 

[Nimbleblade]

I'm with Herts here....I always brief the players that I expect throw ind to be taken at or as near to the point as the ball left the field of play....

 

[SM]

Chin up @CallumS - it may not feel like it right now, but this sort of admittedly horrible experience will make you stronger and better as a referee.

Rome wasn't built in a day. Neither are good referees.

Complete your reports. Learn what needs to be learnt. Take strength and confidence from the positives. Onwards and upwards.

 

[deusex]

As others have mentioned there are at least 2 instant fixes that'll make your next match a little easier.

1. Don't bother with instructions to CARS. At the coin toss I say "please give one of these to a responsible adult" and hand them a flag each.
2. As you're learning, you've got more important things to worry about than 100% correct substitution procedure. Save that till you go for promotion. As long as one goes off and one comes on. No point in looking for conflict, it'll find you!

"A lot of abuse was given yet I didn't card due to thinking i should be more lenient with this age group" - change your view on this immediately. If they're old enough to abuse you they're old enough to get the card.

 

[McTavish]

Don't bother with instructions to CARS.

I disagree strongly with this advice. I quick briefing - less than one minute - can save you all sorts of problems later on. For example if Regal Ref had briefed and said "I want you to take your own left backs" or similar then there would have been no need for the situation he describes.

 

[Tealeaf]

There was a goal-line clearance (which after the game i have been told went a yard over) which i played on for due to not being able to tell so going with my linesmen who was in line (albeit he parented the defending team so in retrospect may have been biased).

Don't beat yourself up over this one, it's the least important. A yard over? A whole yard? A whole 3 feet? Just shy of a metre? Bovine Faeces.

If it was that far over one of three things would have happened:

1: It would have been obvious to everybody.
Based on my experience of parks pitch nets -
2: The defender would have been tangled in the net if it was that far!
or 3: He'd be behind the goal and off the pitch entirely!

Take it from her. That's 10 inches!

 

[DaveMac]

Ok I'm lazy and not read everyone's responses. But I'll chuck in my two pence worth.

Sounds firstly like you did fine. I'm not massively experienced,mive been refereeing for three years, with a season out through injury. But got close to 75 games under my belt I believe and had a shocker the other week. I'm sure if I amass 750 games I'll still have bad days at the office then. Sometimes things just don't work out.

With the shot that went a yard over the line, I had a manager this weekend ask me to watch the throw ins as the other teams last one the player was five yards on the pitch! So unless this manager was on the goal line, there's no way he could have a better idea of whether it was in or not than you. Also I've given them when it's a tight one and trust me it plays on your mind more wondering was I right to give that goal. It's much easier to forget the ones you didn't give up when you have that bit of doubt.

Not wishing to spark a debate on wwhat age cards should be handed out, but my simple motto is if they act like adults they get treated like them.

 

[PinnerPaul]

My brief, brief for CARs

Own left back please, nice clear signals, whats obvious to you might not be obvious to me from where I am.
Help me out with in/out of plays, throw ins, corners, goal kicks.
Offside - only interested if player plays or is about to play the ball. If you raise flag, I'll either blow my whistle (obviously), put my hand up if I'm playing advantage or disagree (and we can have an argument afterwards (said with a smile!)) - if I don't do either, give me a little shout.
Leave everything else, fouls, foul throws etc, to me. If you get any serious dissent let me know and I'll have a word. Thanks very much for doing that.

This seems to work OK for me.

 

[deusex]

I used to have pre-match instructions. I just realised one day no-one was really listening.
Might just be Manchester?
Anyway, I took the advice of a much more experienced ref that ran a line for me once and limited my talk to "At the end of this, please hand these flags to a responsible adult. Head or tails. Which goal do you want to attack? Your kick".
The player's seem to appreciate the lack of the same speech they've heard 100 times.
But to each their own