Horrible U13s match

Had an under 13s match today I can only really describe as horrible.

No arguments/comments from managers or parents, unfortunately the same can't be said for some of the players.

Hot day, one sided match from fairly early on, didn't take long for the frustrations to start showing. Home side arguing with themselves, "questioning" if every goal was offside, every tackle was a foul, play acting etc, whilst the away team despite winning easily got very niggly.

Whilst talking to a home player, he walked away from me. Called him back, ignored. Blast of the whistle and loud call for him to come back, which he did reluctantly. After a later incident of handbags between him and an away player, again he went to walk away, called him back to finish talking to both players and insisted on a handshake. Shortly afterwards manager probably realising my patience was wearing very thin took him off.

Tried to stamp an authoritative firm, but fair grip on the game without having to resort to cards, but in the back of my mind thinking "Am I being too tough or not tough enough?". Think some of the kids responded positively to my stance, whilst others continued to "chip away". Angry with myself in a way because if anything, I was probably too lenient.

Both managers after the game apologised for the behaviour of their players, one of whom came over afterwards and apologised. We had a bit of a chat and hopefully some of "my advice" might have sunk in.

There's good days and bad days, today was definitely the later that leaves you thinking "why do I bother?"

Whilst I was in the middle of typing this, had a call from another player (possibly after a roasting from his parents) to also apologise...

You have cards in your possession for a reason....use them.

I've had an U/12 match like this once, and I lost respect of the players and spectators because I didn't know how to handle it, they caught me off guard.
They were trained in skillful dissent (ie not just whinging, but how to push my buttons), as well as how to antagonise their opponents. Tactical fouls that looked like accidents, so on and so forth. Bunch of 11 year old prima donnas with the parents to suit who had been trained in a disgusting approach to the sport. Basically, they played like some high level team a few ages higher in their approach in all the negative things. That was where I learned that the worst thing you can do is say 'oh they're just kids'. Sure, take the young age into consideration on some things (eg innocent fouls), but for things like dissent and clear aggressive / unsporting behaviour, I'm harsher than on adults. I'd rather hold them accountabie and make a clear statement on right and wrong. I don't have to subscribe to the 'if I card people for things I'm supposed to card them for I'll lose control of the match' notion that applies to older / adult games. Doesn't mean I'm card happy, I'll still try to manage the game, but I won't tolerate any crap.

Try to stamp down on dissent early with this, and deal with the persistent ones early. Like adults, one warning at most for like incidents. Sounds like you probably let too much low level dissent go, and especially the one player who seemed to have a bit of an attitude problem. It may be that he needed a card at the second incident. Walking away from your then coming back isn't itself cautionable, but a whole bunch of things start to scream 'attitude problem', so a card wouldn't have hurt, most likely

Mooseybaby said:

Whilst talking to a home player, he walked away from me. Called him back, ignored. Blast of the whistle and loud call for him to come back, which he did reluctantly. After a later incident of handbags between him and an away player, again he went to walk away, called him back to finish talking to both players and insisted on a handshake.

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That player had no business leaving this match without a caution. This would have alleviated maybe a few other would-be dissenters think twice as well.
Oh well, we were all new to every age group we refereed at one time. Just remember how you feel now next time you think "should I caution little 12 year old Johnny". The answer's usually yes
Plus "insisting" on handshakes is not a good idea.

It's already been said but your have cards for a reason. If managers and players are contacting you after the game to apologise this suggests to me that there was perhaps scope to be more more authoritative and issue cautions during the game. You are the referee, you have a job to do so dot it!

Hmmm, not feeling so good about my County Junior Cup game at the weekend any more ... lol

U15's yesterday - four cautions: one for a bit of afters (strangely, the offender, not the lad that had been taken out), one for a lad that cheered as I was booking the first lad, one for recklessly taking a player out, and one for dissent. The joy of the hormones starting to flood through their systems!

Thanks for the advice and comments guys...

This was my 6th U13s match this season, barring 1 over the top, studs up challenge (straight red) the other 5 were a relative walk in park.

24 hours on, still annoyed with myself. I know that despite my best efforts to be firm but fair, I was far too lenient. Was a weird kind of game really. All of the fouls during the match were of a petty kind of nature, nothing really standing out as a nailed on yellow card and apart from the one above no repeat offenders to say "This is your 2nd/3rd offence" etc, just an accumulation from both sides.

Did have one moment of minor comedy. After one fairly petty foul during the 2nd half, I said out loud "seriously guys do you want to play football or just kick each other off the pitch?", this quiet mouse like voice behind me pipes up "I just want to play football ref".

As for the kid in question, if he doesn't hate me already, he will do by the end of the season as his manager has asked me to take charge of all their home games. Oh the joys, loads more U13s football to look forward to. No more "Mr Nice Guy", any repeats of what happened Sunday and some of them will be watching a lot of games from the side lines!

On a positive note, if the manager has asked you to referee their home games they must have some faith in your ability.

OIREF! said:

On a positive note, if the manager has asked you to referee their home games they must have some faith in your ability.

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Or he is hoping that you continue to be as lenient....knowing that other refs would have had his little darlings in the book?

learn by your mistakes of this game and move on, as i tell my young referees we dont give you nice shiny cards to keep in your pocket

As soon as the kid walked away he'd be getting cautioned.

I don't like cards to kids, one thing I would never let go though is dissent, cut it out while they're young and in 10 years he won't be ruining someone else's Sunday morning

OIREF! said:

On a positive note, if the manager has asked you to referee their home games they must have some faith in your ability.

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Yes, but I'd be wary of doing the same team too often. It can go wrong in all sorts of ways. Perhaps agree to do some of their games but not every one.

Padfoot said:

Or he is hoping that you continue to be as lenient....knowing that other refs would have had his little darlings in the book?

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The same manager had no complaints when I red carded his son at U12s last season for "excessive force"...

Padfoot said:

You have cards in your possession for a reason....use them.

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Took the words out of my mouth. If you took the cards onto the FOP you acknowledged they may be required as you put them into your pocket no?

Equally you took both, not just a red? Sounds like the yellow is redundant in U16 football according to expectation. Every incident is either careless, strong careless or excessive force/violent conduct. No need for a yellow to clutter your pockets.

I understand your predicament in terms of the expectancy not too, but help yourself - public bollockings with the captain in and lots of over elaborate gestures for the benefit of the speccy's, obviously in a calm and controlled manner make it clear a player has been told he's on his final warning.

Next time when he commits the offence to get you reaching for the card, every single person watching saw him get his last warning, and he looks an idiot to have overstepped the mark when he was told clearly he was on his last warning.

You may even find after the bollocking the shouts from the side of the pitch tell him to behave for you.

Mooseybaby said:

All of the fouls during the match were of a petty kind of nature, nothing really standing out as a nailed on yellow card and apart from the one above no repeat offenders to say "This is your 2nd/3rd offence" etc, just an accumulation from both sides.

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Now I'm sure you're familiar with the concept of taking one for the team. In a situation where a team or teams are rotating the offender so you can't pin a persistent offender tag on a single player, you can call both captains in and lay down the law. You tell them, that if they don't control their players, you might (emphasise MIGHT) just have to caution the next player who commits an obvious foul. Then give them 30 seconds to talk to their players.

When the next obvious foul is committed, issue a caution and then another and I bet by the time you reach the third one, the game will begin to settle down. You might even want to conduct your conversation with the captains within earshot of the coaches

As an Assessor how long would you be happy for a referee to delay a game to sort something out in this manner?

Darius said:

As an Assessor how long would you be happy for a referee to delay a game to sort something out in this manner?

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About a minute or so. I have to admit, back in the old days when I hadn't learned very much in refereeing I was given advice along the same lines in one of my promotion assessments. I learned from that one day that I should never let it get that far. I should be heading up the "steps" with the players and captains already. I have used it a few times. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I wouldn't be using the captains in a game that young though...

Why?

Usually the best player, which in turn means most respected - to a 12 year old!.

Also means you're treating them like adults which as a kid is all I ever wanted!