Don't talk, card.

Now in my 3rd year, I have always tried to explain decisions or ask coaches to be reasonable and, more importantly, responsible in their behaviour, particularly in youth matches. I've gone to the benches and given them too much time to argue - and that is basically what they will do, they will also question your ability. This stops this year. My advice to any new referees: Don't enter into any discussions! If you have cause to go to the bench for behaviour, go up close but not too close, get a card out and make sure they know they have been sanctioned. Yes, it might make you look ignorant and even arrogant, but coaches and players will never be your friends, and it is not in their interests to have you confident and assured. Many of them don't know the laws of the game. Even if they do, they're not going to want you to enforce them against their team, only the other team. Inform them pre-match that brief explanations can be given at the end of the half. But really, have respect for yourself even though it feels there is a lack of respect around you on that pitch.

Homer Ref said:

and it is not in their interests to have you confident and assured. Many of them don't know the laws of the game. Even if they do, they're not going to want you to enforce them against their team, only the other team.

Click to expand...

This is the key bit, especially the bold bit. The teams will always be biased towards themselves. Always.

The lesser-known Right Said Fred song.

With benches, if I’m sticking my head in, then it’s not a conversation, it’s I’m telling them “that wasn’t acceptable, here’s your warning” or it’s straight to disciplinary action if warranted.

Technical areas and centre circles aren’t the place for a chat. Here’s what’s happened, here’s what I’m doing, you know what my next steps are if there’s no improvement.

Then run away (key bit)

I always say that I will explain any decision but I’m not having a discussion over it. We might have to agree to disagree but I’ll give them the courtesy of explaining my rationale as long as they are courteous and respectful towards me.

I’m not going over to the benches to have those discussions though, they can ask me after the game. I might shout over the reasons, but keeping going to them to explain decisions will severely undermine your authority. As a general rule referees really want to be staying away from the technical areas unless there is action that needs to be taken.