The Ref Stop

My first adult match

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asperlz

New Member
Level 7 Referee
I refereed my first adult match last Sunday and it was an eye opener for sure. I'd previously refereed a mini soccer game and run the line in some decent standard team adult friendlies.

But being in the middle for an adult game was something different. The first thing I noticed were the mind games of so many players and the questioning of every decision. There was one particular situation in the first half where after a corner an attacking player said he was being held and I told him ill keep an eye out on the next one. The defending player then heard this and said 'ref, why are you doing what he's telling you? ' in hindsight with that one maybe i think I wont say that same thing next time but its all a learning curve. Another decision I awarded a throw in which both teams seemed puzzled by, however a player on the opposite team to who i awarded it told me he saw the touch that I saw and it was the correct decision which just goes to show how difficult it can be at times but that did make me feel better about it.

In the second half I had one of the teams assistant referee who was blatantly favouring his team so I had to overrule two decisions and both led to goals with the team who scored them eventually winning by 2. However there were few complaints and it was definitely the right decision to do that so I was pleased I did it. After that point I disregarded every call he made and made what I believed to be correct much to his dismay.

All the players shook my hand after and there were few complaints so on that basis I was pleased. There was a bit of a feeling of what have I let myself into but at the same time I thoroughly enjoyed the match for the most part.

My biggest take from the match is that you have to go into it with a very strong mentality and believe in what you do. You also have to accept that there will be occasions you make mistakes as they do even in the prem regularly. But the more experience I get hopefully the better my refereeing will become.
 
The Ref Stop
Congratulations on the first open age game. It definitely is an eye opener, but I'm sure you will continue to enjoy and perhaps even relish them!

The only thing you can reliably do is trust yourself. You cannot reliably trust the players. A big part of their game plan is to sow seeds of doubt in your mind - just watch the appeals for throw ins, corners etc if you need any evidence.

Keep it up, and trust in yourself.
 
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Players love nothing more than taking advantage of the self doubt that most new referees naturally experience. These can be some of the hardest days as you learn complex skills on the FOP and your errors are there for all to see (and comment on). Well done on this self reflection and learning. On this forum it is often said that focusing on one area of improvement for each game is a good way to grow in skill and confidence. Good luck with your next game!
 
Unfortunately my second match did not go as well. I think I overheard both teams at halftime saying the ref Is crap, this is the worst ref we've had etc. As a new ref its hard to put my finger on where I went wrong, perhaps its indecisiveness or lack of authority. I really dont know. There were a few small errors like for example waving a throw in the wrong way then quickly correcting myself. And another foul In hindsight I should have given that riled up a player.

But the amount of abuse I received all game wasn't good and then it makes it very hard to focus on the rest of the match. It got to a point where every foul was questioned. I gave a penalty which was a penalty a push two hands in the back and that just furthered tensions. But i expected all that, but the thing that is playing on my mind the most is overhearing both teams moaning so much about my performance and not really knowing exactly where it is i was going wrong or how I can improve upon it.

Im questioning myself if this really is for me and whether I should just run the line as my two matches as assistant went far smoother. Maybe i just dont have the correct personality to be a referee, I really dont know. I dont want to be a quitter but at the same time I felt like I was hindering the match for two teams who paid me but without really knowing what it was I was doing that was so bad. There is no breaking in period with refereeing, its straight in the deep end and the players have no tolerance for you whatsoever while your trying to learn the trade.
 
@asperlz We've all been there. The hardest part is overthinking decisions,especially during the game. Make the call, be confident in doing so, and and move on.

The time for thinking about decisions is after the game.

As far the throw in and the wrong signal, it's really easily done - especially in the first few minutes after half time. I still occasionally do it, correct myself and move on. Laugh it off with the players if I can, but I don't really care about their opinion of me, and neither should you. For me it got sooo much easier when I realised that it didn't matter to me what the players thought. I was there to do a job and I was far better qualified that the other 22 people I was sharing the pitch with.

Also, don't forget that you have the tools to manage this. Use the sin bin option or the captains only protocol. Use a stepped approach to get you to the right point, and then caution and sin bin. There are so many threads on here with refs saying that they wish they had sin binned players sooner.

Keep it up. I had some shocker games, sometimes they are just like that and there is no explanation for it. Every single one builds up experience and resilience.
 
asperlz said:
Unfortunately my second match did not go as well. I think I overheard both teams at halftime saying the ref Is crap, this is the worst ref we've had etc. As a new ref its hard to put my finger on where I went wrong, perhaps its indecisiveness or lack of authority. I really dont know. There were a few small errors like for example waving a throw in the wrong way then quickly correcting myself. And another foul In hindsight I should have given that riled up a player.

But the amount of abuse I received all game wasn't good and then it makes it very hard to focus on the rest of the match. It got to a point where every foul was questioned. I gave a penalty which was a penalty a push two hands in the back and that just furthered tensions. But i expected all that, but the thing that is playing on my mind the most is overhearing both teams moaning so much about my performance and not really knowing exactly where it is i was going wrong or how I can improve upon it.

Im questioning myself if this really is for me and whether I should just run the line as my two matches as assistant went far smoother. Maybe i just dont have the correct personality to be a referee, I really dont know. I dont want to be a quitter but at the same time I felt like I was hindering the match for two teams who paid me but without really knowing what it was I was doing that was so bad. There is no breaking in period with refereeing, its straight in the deep end and the players have no tolerance for you whatsoever while your trying to learn the trade.
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Unfortunately, the moaning by players goes with the territory these days, far more than a decade or two ago.
The teams in the game I observed yesterday were moaning at half time about the "worst referee we've had". I don't know if they meant worst ever or worst this season (this was their third match) but essentially they were just frustrated because they were playing badly.
It is a good idea to run the line as well as continuing as a referee, so you can learn from the senior referees you will work with - all of whom will have been called the "worst we've ever had". If you got a throw in wrong for half a second, and possibly a free kick wrong, you did well as you learn the ropes.
Please stick at it. On this forum there are countless "worst ref ever" title-holders to guid you through.
If you have a family member or friend who could attend your next game and give you balanced comments and advice, that is likely to be far more accurate than listening to players moaning.
 
asperlz said:
There is no breaking in period with refereeing, its straight in the deep end and the players have no tolerance for you whatsoever while your trying to learn the trade.
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This is true, but you can select the leagues you officiate on. If you need to manage the open age games, then perhaps do some local youth games. I really enjoy U16s and U18s. They are usually pretty competitive, take active management, but rarely have the same issues you would get in open age fixtures.
 
I really appreciate the feedback it helps a lot. There were a couple of other things that I struggled with too which I think didn't help. For example when there was an injury I would stop play but then I would forget who last had possession so who to drop the ball to and this is of course really bad and then im just praying the teams tell me and if they dont i know it makes things 10 times worse. I think this is something where I have to get in a routine of telling myself when blowing for a stoppage.

It was a hot day and that played a part but I need to set routines for remembering events and situations. Even for the penalty I gave I knew it wasn't a carding offence but the defence were asking me who committed the foul about 10 seconds after and I couldnt remember so just waved them away. I think situations like these make me look incompetent and I must learn to make mental notes of these situations as they happen. Are there any routines any of you go through in these situations?
 
Whenever I stop play where there will be a delay, I always call out loud what the restart will be. "Restart will be drop ball to red on the edge of the centre circle.". It helps me to remember it, but also there are at least 11 others that will definitely remember!

I also sometimes forget who the challenge was made by, so you are not alone there. When I feel it is important I will repeat to myself "Red 6, Red 6, Red 6" to help lodge it. However, sometimes it's irrelevant. "It was a clear foul, I've given a penalty, I'm not changing my mind or having discussion about it. Move away please player."
 
asperlz said:
I refereed my first adult match last Sunday and it was an eye opener for sure. I'd previously refereed a mini soccer game and run the line in some decent standard team adult friendlies.

But being in the middle for an adult game was something different. The first thing I noticed were the mind games of so many players and the questioning of every decision. There was one particular situation in the first half where after a corner an attacking player said he was being held and I told him ill keep an eye out on the next one. The defending player then heard this and said 'ref, why are you doing what he's telling you? ' in hindsight with that one maybe i think I wont say that same thing next time but its all a learning curve. Another decision I awarded a throw in which both teams seemed puzzled by, however a player on the opposite team to who i awarded it told me he saw the touch that I saw and it was the correct decision which just goes to show how difficult it can be at times but that did make me feel better about it.

In the second half I had one of the teams assistant referee who was blatantly favouring his team so I had to overrule two decisions and both led to goals with the team who scored them eventually winning by 2. However there were few complaints and it was definitely the right decision to do that so I was pleased I did it. After that point I disregarded every call he made and made what I believed to be correct much to his dismay.

All the players shook my hand after and there were few complaints so on that basis I was pleased. There was a bit of a feeling of what have I let myself into but at the same time I thoroughly enjoyed the match for the most part.

My biggest take from the match is that you have to go into it with a very strong mentality and believe in what you do. You also have to accept that there will be occasions you make mistakes as they do even in the prem regularly. But the more experience I get hopefully the better my refereeing will become.
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You have hit the nail on the head with your last paragraph. You only have to watch any game on the EFL or PL for that matter as to what spectators think of Referee’s and it’s those type who often play at grassroots at the weekend. The Referees who get to that level don’t get there by luck & are just not the descriptions they get told. It’s the same with you. As some have said to you, it’s not the Referee that’s the issue, it’s themselves, but they take it out on the Referee. No one wants the stuff being thrown at you, but on the positive side this is where you build up your resilience & strength of character, which will put you in good stead for the future, whereby so long as you can stick with it (and I am sure you can), then as you go up the ladder, things often get better. As an example, I have now observed at 4 Supply League games & 1 Contrib game this season & although there has been a few cautions & 1 sending off, misconduct has been few & far between with all wanting to get on with things.
 
Viridis1886 said:
Whenever I stop play where there will be a delay, I always call out loud what the restart will be. "Restart will be drop ball to red on the edge of the centre circle.". It helps me to remember it, but also there are at least 11 others that will definitely remember!

I also sometimes forget who the challenge was made by, so you are not alone there. When I feel it is important I will repeat to myself "Red 6, Red 6, Red 6" to help lodge it. However, sometimes it's irrelevant. "It was a clear foul, I've given a penalty, I'm not changing my mind or having discussion about it. Move away please player."
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Your replies have really made myself feel more at ease with the situation thank you. I think my biggest gripe was getting the feeling that I was completely useless but to know others have been through similar gives me confidence that I can turn it around. Im going to call my RDO tomorrow and see if he can get me a mentor for next weeks match
 
@asperlz
These were you first 2 games, don't overthink what the players are saying. Every referee is the worst referee, if they are not getting all the decisions. It is a motivating tool for the players.
While you are starting, don't try and overanalyse your performance during the game, do that afterwards (and if you have one, in conjunction with your mentor).

If you are forgetting decisions, call them out as you make them. For the penalty, clearly after the decision say "push in back by 10". Players hear this and blame No 10 rather than you.

Continue the hard work. One other tools not mentioned here - write down the points which were strengths and development areas after each match, then you can review after 10 games to see if the problems are still there. If you need help on matters, talk to an observer or a more senior local referee.
 
Like others here I'm relieved that you are now the worst referee instead of me. Grassroots players are not good at self evaluation when they're getting beat or not playing well. Their first instinct is to blame the ref. You will get some games when you will get grief throughout every time you make a decision. Full time will come, you'll be relieved to end it and then the players that have been on your back will shake your hand and say thanks ref you had a good game there. Don't take anything to heart. It's the officialdom they don't like. Some players perfect the dark arts including getting in the refs head. Talk more, to the players and yourself. I talk throughout, good tackle, red ball, that's okay, foul there if you want it, blue ball etc. Players appreciate explanations. Blow whistle, penalty, push in the back. I've got no choice, your player pushed with two hands in the back. Important thing is not to get in a debate but to explain what you're thinking. Regarding wrong decisions, missing fouls or throws, holding your hands up and being honest goes a long way too. Sorry lads, I missed that, my view was obscured or what happens a lot, your player was distracting me asking about a throw in from the first half. Communication is definitely key though. Watch a few games and follow the ref rather than the ball and see what you can pick up or avoid. Stick with it and best of luck
 
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