Abandoned game due to abuse.

This morning I abandoned a game for the first time. This was after sending someone for a double C2, also a first for me. I then took the players off the pitch to speak with the coaches (U14 game) as I had had enough of the constant dissent and abuse. What is the world coming to? Grown men abusing children. This has happened so many times this season that I’ve had to submit an ER that I am genuinely considering not bothering next year. It’s shameful. Reading other posts today shows it isn’t just me having these issues over recent weeks in youth football. I find the culture of football these days sickening. I had to be escorted off the pitch by the club chairman and was greeted with drunk spectators (at a kids game, only just after 12!!) continuing this. Any advice besides the reporting, which I’ve already done? I spoke with my RA afterwards for support as well (for new refs - join an RA; it’s unbelievably helpful!)

Gabriel said:

This morning I abandoned a game for the first time. This was after sending someone for a double C2, also a first for me. I then took the players off the pitch to speak with the coaches (U14 game) as I had had enough of the constant dissent and abuse. What is the world coming to? Grown men abusing children. This has happened so many times this season that I’ve had to submit an ER that I am genuinely considering not bothering next year. It’s shameful. Reading other posts today shows it isn’t just me having these issues over recent weeks in youth football. I find the culture of football these days sickening. I had to be escorted off the pitch by the club chairman and was greeted with drunk spectators (at a kids game, only just after 12!!) continuing this. Any advice besides the reporting, which I’ve already done? I spoke with my RA afterwards for support as well (for new refs - join an RA; it’s unbelievably helpful!)

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Sorry to hear about this.
Make sure that you send full details to the League Secretary, the Appointments Secretary and the League Safeguarding Officer.

Sorry to hear it. You ain't the first and won't be the last.

I had a similar experience doing an U10 game when I first started. Ended up abandoning it due to threats and abuse from away club sideline. The home club were amazing in protecting me (I was 15 at the time) offered me cups of tea etc- the parents then wrote letters to the CFA, detailing exactly what happened (think I still have them somewhere)

We went to a personal hearing. Did the usual, read my report etc. They then asked the club secretary to leave and questioned the manager. According to him I was the worst referee and game was a bloodbath from start to finish.

They ask him to leave and bring the secretary in. She described events as I was amazing first half, best ref they'd had. But it went to sh*t second half. So they'd already tied themselves up in knots. Later turned out the secretary was the club and league child welfare officer!

Horrible when these things happen, and completely understand your considerations of throwing in the towel. I did the same for 3 months after this incident.

My advice? Personally I'd get out of youth football. I had so many more issues in that than I ever did in open age. There are some amazing people involved in youth football, but there are also a hell of a lot of whoppers. I was a bit of a baby face in the same way you are, and this always seemed to me to make things worse in youth games. But no issues in open age.

Get your reports done, enjoy the summer and see how you're feeling in a couple months. There potentially has never been a better time to take up refereeing in regards to progression. Just think about that........

This is unacceptable. It is happening far too often. How many posts about abuse just this weekend?
Then they wonder why we don’t have enough refs?

For me reffing is not about the money. It’s about helping youth football, keeping myself fit, and I enjoy it.

I won’t quit as I won’t let a few bad apples ruin it for the rest, but I understand your frustration.

I’ve already decided that if I do carry on it will be academies and OA only. Can’t be bothered with the faff of Sunday morning youth games with hungover parents. I’ll rest over the summer and see how I feel then.

Just to let all know is that it never stops. Refereeing today in a County Walking Football League. Six matches in total 3 in Premiership and 3 in Championship Over 50s divisions. Final match of the day player who hade been spoken to twice already felt he had been fouled and shouts out very loudly” F@$¥¥$€ hell Referee!” So he was issued with a blue card (= yellow and timed suspension) he turns to leave the field but decides to question the decision culminating in “F£#@ You Ref!” So the blue turns to red for Offinabus. He walks for a stride or two turns around walks back towards me and shouts once more directly into my face “F£#@ You ref!” So I then told him and his coach that a misconduct report will also be sent in to county FA. After the game the player comes over shakes my hand and said “I’m sorry Ref, it’s just frustration” I just stayed silent.

Gabriel said:

I’ve already decided that if I do carry on it will be academies and OA only. Can’t be bothered with the faff of Sunday morning youth games with hungover parents. I’ll rest over the summer and see how I feel then.

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Sorry you’ve had such a cr@p day today.

I’m increasingly finding youth grassroots football at “higher” (ha! It’s still grassroots whether branded JPL or ‘Grassroots League Premier’) levels more grief than it’s worth.

I’m with you re Open Age - even when it’s a tricky or difficult game, or there’s a gobsh1te or two, it’s very rare that they don’t all shake your hand at the end.

Sounds like you’ve done the right thing today - I just hope the club, league and CFA take appropriate action.

@Gabriel chin up. You sound as if you did brilliantly under extremely testing conditions.

I second RAs being the best place to get support.

Went to watch my 10-year-old grandson and 8-year-old granddaughter play in a rugby tournament this weekend.
A lad ran 50 metres, evaded 4 or 5 tackles, and scored a try . . . followed by spectators from both clubs standing side by side and applauding him.
My grandchildren's coaches and the parents of players had music blaring between matches, and Dad-danced to many of the tunes.
After the last game they played (and sang to) "We are the Champions" (although at this level they play for development and fun, no trophies)
A couple from the opposition club walked over and said dismissively "This is Rugby, not football"
Interesting comparison at youth level.

I too notice that comparison a lot. I also umpire the odd cricket match for my brother here and there, and he also plays rugby. Never once have I seen even the slightest hint of disrespect in either of those sports. The reason? It is dealt with properly from the top down.

Gabriel said:

I too notice that comparison a lot. I also umpire the odd cricket match for my brother here and there, and he also plays rugby. Never once have I seen even the slightest hint of disrespect in either of those sports. The reason? It is dealt with properly from the top down.

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Exactly this.
It’s instilled at grassroots level and is enforced on the professional level.
If the top level didn’t allow it then that would trickle down. Forget sin bin. Make it an instant red card with a 3 match ban. 2nd offence in same season….6 match ban.
That will soon stop it.

The problem is the coaches…..I’ve found good coaches who won’t tolerate anyone speaking to a ref badly and even if they disagree with you will shake your hand at the end of the match and move on.
The bad coaches we have all seen and it is reflected on the pitch.

All sports are bad at times it’s nature of them just report and get support needed as for Rugby , Cricket etc being any better not from experience and I played both when younger admittedly rugby less though

Hope you're ok, Gabriel. I've been in grassroots footy for many, many years and the latest culture shift is worrying. I just can't see how the bottom level of the game can be improved until it's rectified at the very top. Even in the last couple of days...rather than Barca accepting defeat sportingly, they've decided to criticise the ref and even implied corruption because the decisions didn't go their way. I'm having to have a long hard think about next season.

It's a turn off for any new referee to read about all this and even worse to experience it. I am thankful for this resource in that it helps me realise we have support and advice ready for each other where it seems there is none and the only option is to chuck it. The truth is that you will be branded no matter how high you go. People will feel hard done by when they don't even know the LOTG.