The Ref Stop

Once again threatened with violence

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Ori

Well-Known Member
What is wrong with managers and parents. U13 boys match.
Half time I pull the manager and ask him to calm down with his constant moaning about decisions. I ask him to step away from the players and speak to me. He proceeds to come right up close to my face like less than an inch away. Noses almost in contact. He was a big guy too (I’m six foot and he towered over me)
He was obviously trying to intimidate me. I issued a yellow card and I believe that’s a mistake as it should have been a red. My thoughts at the time was not to escalate the situation.
For reference he was upset that o didn’t listen to an assistant who said handball. This same assistant who didn’t flag for throw in’s and spent most of his time on his phone.

Second half goes well. I give a stone wall penalty during the match and then don’t give a penalty for what was clearly a dive last minute to get a penalty.
Obviously they were adamant it was.
Regardless my decision was made.

End of match. I go to get my stuff. Captain calls me a cheat along with a few of his players. I issued a red card for that and he refused to give me his name.
At the same time a parent was calling me some very colourful things, and I asked him to walk away. He then proceeded to threaten to “effin headbutt me” along with many other threats.
I immediately asked for police to be called as I genuinely felt threatened. Players start to mock me for asking for police. Another parent grabs him and takes pulls him away and all the time he is constant threatening to headbutt me.

Police weren’t called and luckily it didn’t end badly, but the potential was there. I am now thinking that I should keep my phone on me to be able to call the police rather than in my bag.

I genuinely felt in danger.
 
The Ref Stop
One thing I didn’t know until after the match is that said team and manager have a reputation for trouble. I’m glad I didn’t know that before the match as that can sometimes affect your decisions.

Still can’t believe how shaken I am by this. Wasn’t expecting that doing an u13 match. I usually do u18 and get drafted in to do difficult matches.
 
Sounds like an awful experience @Ori - I hope youre okay? I also hope you took notes as soon as you could afterwards and have submitted a detailed Extraordinary Report. Numerous things to go in that report - the coach putting his face in yours (you are right it should have been red and that you went yellow will likely mean not much will happen); the player calling you a cheat and refusing to give his name and then the parental threats.

The behaviour of some in youth football never ceases to disappoint but it no longer surprises. I place the blame largely on the parents by simple fact of them not dealing with coaches who conduct themselves poorly, don’t manage their players and don’t enforce high behavioural standards - either complain to the club or move your child, otherwise you’re condoning the behaviour and are part of the problem.

I removed myself from a local JPL team’s ref WhatsApp group this morning having got fed up with their whining coaches, players who never shake your hand at the end of games, and JPL parents generally becoming an increasing pain in the arse. I’m better than they deserve and there are plenty of other clubs and competitions that need referees and conduct themselves much better.
 
The Gump said:
Sounds like an awful experience @Ori - I hope youre okay? I also hope you took notes as soon as you could afterwards and have submitted a detailed Extraordinary Report. Numerous things to go in that report - the coach putting his face in yours (you are right it should have been red and that you went yellow will likely mean not much will happen); the player calling you a cheat and refusing to give his name and then the parental threats.

The behaviour of some in youth football never ceases to disappoint but it no longer surprises. I place the blame largely on the parents by simple fact of them not dealing with coaches who conduct themselves poorly, don’t manage their players and don’t enforce high behavioural standards - either complain to the club or move your child, otherwise you’re condoning the behaviour and are part of the problem.

I removed myself from a local JPL team’s ref WhatsApp group this morning having got fed up with their whining coaches, players who never shake your hand at the end of games, and JPL parents generally becoming an increasing pain in the arse. I’m better than they deserve and there are plenty of other clubs and competitions that need referees and conduct themselves much better.
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I am fine. At the time I was genuinely threatened. This guy looked like a thug too, but judging by how the manager behaved, it’s a problem with the club.
I am upset with myself for not showing him a red card. Thinking how u13 matches are usually done by young referees, and how this big man squaring up a referee, I am letting other refs down in future matches. I did put it in my report though.
 
Ori said:
Police weren’t called and luckily it didn’t end badly, but the potential was there. I am now thinking that I should keep my phone on me to be able to call the police rather than in my bag.

I genuinely felt in danger.
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so sorry to hear about your experience, if you decide you want to carry your phone, look up flip belts. Basically tube belt that runners use to hold things like phones. https://flipbelt.com/
 
Ori said:
I am fine. At the time I was genuinely threatened. This guy looked like a thug too, but judging by how the manager behaved, it’s a problem with the club.
I am upset with myself for not showing him a red card. Thinking how u13 matches are usually done by young referees, and how this big man squaring up a referee, I am letting other refs down in future matches. I did put it in my report though.
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Hopefully you have reported to the League Secretary, the Appointments Secretary and the League Safeguarding Officer to allow the League to act?
 
Ori said:
I was just about to draft an email to the league Secretary, but surely they will receive it from the FA via whole game system?
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There will be no one in until Tuesday. It's always nice to give interested parties the heads up. They don't like the first they hear of something to be the report to the FA, understandably, as people may be asking questions and they've no clue anything has happened.
 
JamesL said:
There will be no one in until Tuesday. It's always nice to give interested parties the heads up. They don't like the first they hear of something to be the report to the FA, understandably, as people may be asking questions and they've no clue anything has happened.
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Thanks for advice. I’ve written the emails.

Still shocked at this….everytime it happens I’m shocked again.
 
Put it all in the report on wholegamesystem and also report to the league. Also, hopefully you’re RDO will contact you on Tuesday when they see the report to check in on you.
 
Unfortunately threatening to call the police is an idle threat as everyone knows they won’t attend these days just on a threat, they just don’t have the resource for that and something would have actually needed to happen before they would even consider attending. I’d also advise against taking your phone out to dial 999, as that action might well be the catalyst to turn a threat into violence. 99 times out of 100 a threat is just that, it doesn’t go any further, and the best option is to move away to a safe place, usually with the other team.

The answer is to make your report as watertight as possible so as to nail those responsible. Anyone squaring up to or threatening a referee should be nowhere near positions of responsibility in youth football, it is a child protection issue and they need eradicating.
 
@Ori I would recommend you touch bases with your RA or possibly someone who is knowledgeable on here regarding your report.

As @RustyRef has said. If your report isn't airtight. It may unravel and that will be that.
 
In my county they have someone specific to support writing these. He's a former police officer so is experienced in making sure that statements have the best chance of being successful.
 
Thanks for all the replies. My report just stated the facts as they happened. No speculation of any sort.
There are plenty of witnesses to what happened and hopefully the FA will deal with it accordingly.
 
Ori said:
Thanks for all the replies. My report just stated the facts as they happened. No speculation of any sort.
There are plenty of witnesses to what happened and hopefully the FA will deal with it accordingly.
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Are the CFA aware of the identity of all witnesses who may be helpful when charges are brought? Please make sure that they are!
 
Yes I have. No shortage of witnesses.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot.
All parents should side a code of conduct when signing up their children to clubs. This code must include financial penalties and they should be hefty to prevent parents/coaches behaving so poorly.
The league should clamp down hard on this stuff with big fines, bans and point deductions.
It should then publish the huge fines given as a warning to other clubs.
 
Ori said:
Yes I have. No shortage of witnesses.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot.
All parents should side a code of conduct when signing up their children to clubs. This code must include financial penalties and they should be hefty to prevent parents/coaches behaving so poorly.
The league should clamp down hard on this stuff with big fines, bans and point deductions.
It should then publish the huge fines given as a warning to other clubs.
Click to expand...
One day this behaviour will actually be dealt with properly from the top down.... one day.......
 
Ori said:
Yes I have. No shortage of witnesses.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot.
All parents should side a code of conduct when signing up their children to clubs. This code must include financial penalties and they should be hefty to prevent parents/coaches behaving so poorly.
The league should clamp down hard on this stuff with big fines, bans and point deductions.
It should then publish the huge fines given as a warning to other clubs.
Click to expand...
As a start point (including mention of fines) there is a Code of Conduct in place - from The FA but copied to most CFA websites.
Many youth football clubs in my local area require parents to accept., sign, and abide by the Code.
 
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