The Ref Stop

Yesterday

Ben448844

RefChat Addict
Level 4 Referee
2 teams at the foot of the County League yesterday. Big game on a very sticky pitch with plenty of wind about. For 93 mins I know I've reffed it really well. 3 yellows, no bad tackles,in complete control.

Last minute (away team 1-0 up), away corner is headed clear and a shot comes in which hits the home teams defenders outstretched arm and I immediately give a pen, it's a very clear handball. I'm looking through a lot of players as I give the decision and straight away I think I've made a mistake, it could well be outside the box. Whichever I go from here I've got one very unhappy team and management team because it really could have gone either way and my view just wasn't clear to know for sure but gut feeling and considering the body position after the ball hit the hand I think its outside and I've decided to overturn my decision. I go to the CAR (no NARs in this league since covid due to lack of refs) who I've worked with 4 previous times this year who's as honest as they come and he is also unsure so I change my decision and give a free kick. I must be clear here, I wish I'd have stayed with my original decision now, but I'm also comfortable with the face that it was so close that I'm 60/40 the right decision was reached. We don't have VAR and we do what we think is right and we also make mistakes, I'm very comfortable with that.

What happened afterwards was as expected. Home team go mad and this ends up with sin bins. Home AR (said he was a level 5 ref at the start) runs on the pitch from 50 yards away and gets involved. Free kick is eventually taken and missed and a minute later its full time. I then have practically every home team player and every member of the management team giving me dogs abuse after the game. A fan doing the same stud next to his little girl which was the only thing that will effect an old dog like me, I couldn't believe that. I could've carded every one of the management team but after offering my explanation and it being refused to continue the abuse I just walk off. Secretary came in my changing room to pay me and continues the debate, at least without abuse but he's very keen to tell me that I've relegated them, so he's obviously told to leave. I walk to my truck and again I've got the manager visibly shaking his head at me etc. First time I've not gone in the bar after a game for a long time, I'm just not welcome.

It's genuinely water of a ducks back. Far too long in the tooth to be effected by such stuff. Like one ref once said, once you see football as a drama and not a game you never worry again and thats very true.

What I'm here to write about and gauge opinion on is the enjoyment of refereeing and how its slowly dissipating. I've said this on here before but as the season has gone on my enjoyment has reduced considerably. I've decided to fulfill March's fixtures as I've never come off a game in my 5 years as a ref, but then that will be that this season. I've actually had a fantastic season in terms of observer marks (averaging 75 over 5 games at 5-4), had a few step 5 middles in my first season above park football etc. Couldn't have gone better. But its just the way we referees are spoken to/at so consistently, so often, by so many people that grinds my gears. I'm too proud a person to take it. The last few lines I've done (senior) I've just heard so much abuse towards the ref and I find that worse. Behaviour, which was already toxic, is getting worse and I'm not sure I'll bother next season. If I want money I can work every weekend for far more, if I want exercise I'll play vets football. Or maybe I'll rediscover the enjoyment of refereeing, but it feels more of a slog than an enjoyable way to spend 50/60 days/evenings a year at the moment.

Venting over. I hope you all had better games and more fun this weekend!
 
The Ref Stop
2 teams at the foot of the County League yesterday. Big game on a very sticky pitch with plenty of wind about. For 93 mins I know I've reffed it really well. 3 yellows, no bad tackles,in complete control.

Last minute (away team 1-0 up), away corner is headed clear and a shot comes in which hits the home teams defenders outstretched arm and I immediately give a pen, it's a very clear handball. I'm looking through a lot of players as I give the decision and straight away I think I've made a mistake, it could well be outside the box. Whichever I go from here I've got one very unhappy team and management team because it really could have gone either way and my view just wasn't clear to know for sure but gut feeling and considering the body position after the ball hit the hand I think its outside and I've decided to overturn my decision. I go to the CAR (no NARs in this league since covid due to lack of refs) who I've worked with 4 previous times this year who's as honest as they come and he is also unsure so I change my decision and give a free kick. I must be clear here, I wish I'd have stayed with my original decision now, but I'm also comfortable with the face that it was so close that I'm 60/40 the right decision was reached. We don't have VAR and we do what we think is right and we also make mistakes, I'm very comfortable with that.

What happened afterwards was as expected. Home team go mad and this ends up with sin bins. Home AR (said he was a level 5 ref at the start) runs on the pitch from 50 yards away and gets involved. Free kick is eventually taken and missed and a minute later its full time. I then have practically every home team player and every member of the management team giving me dogs abuse after the game. A fan doing the same stud next to his little girl which was the only thing that will effect an old dog like me, I couldn't believe that. I could've carded every one of the management team but after offering my explanation and it being refused to continue the abuse I just walk off. Secretary came in my changing room to pay me and continues the debate, at least without abuse but he's very keen to tell me that I've relegated them, so he's obviously told to leave. I walk to my truck and again I've got the manager visibly shaking his head at me etc. First time I've not gone in the bar after a game for a long time, I'm just not welcome.

It's genuinely water of a ducks back. Far too long in the tooth to be effected by such stuff. Like one ref once said, once you see football as a drama and not a game you never worry again and thats very true.

What I'm here to write about and gauge opinion on is the enjoyment of refereeing and how its slowly dissipating. I've said this on here before but as the season has gone on my enjoyment has reduced considerably. I've decided to fulfill March's fixtures as I've never come off a game in my 5 years as a ref, but then that will be that this season. I've actually had a fantastic season in terms of observer marks (averaging 75 over 5 games at 5-4), had a few step 5 middles in my first season above park football etc. Couldn't have gone better. But its just the way we referees are spoken to/at so consistently, so often, by so many people that grinds my gears. I'm too proud a person to take it. The last few lines I've done (senior) I've just heard so much abuse towards the ref and I find that worse. Behaviour, which was already toxic, is getting worse and I'm not sure I'll bother next season. If I want money I can work every weekend for far more, if I want exercise I'll play vets football. Or maybe I'll rediscover the enjoyment of refereeing, but it feels more of a slog than an enjoyable way to spend 50/60 days/evenings a year at the moment.

Venting over. I hope you all had better games and more fun this weekend!

Its good you can share such an insight. Just touching on the handball, tip that might serve you well should it happen again, if my description makes sense.....
You are standing where you are, ball hits hand, you know you are going to give handball....blow, but, dont indicate pk or fk, instead, sprint into a much better position to award the decision, as you blow.
1- it gives you that two secs extra to see was player in or out box, you have not yet committed to the restart
2- it lulls players into smokescreen, by time ( 2 secs) you are awarding your call , ( fk or pk), you will appear to them to be in a more credible position thsn you actually were. If that makes sense! It of course wont ensure a perfect ride but it shoul make it smoother

that aside, witn hindsight, last min, 0-1, home team attacking, ball about to go towards goal could you have been more aware/alert, and made sure nothing was going to stop you seeing out your game trouble free? We already know the pitfalls of a dodgy last min call...



The rest, well, when a hobby no longer becomes a hobby but a chore, thats that.
Maybe either take that wee break, mull over if you miss it or not. You yourself will answer that.
or
Find the enjoyment factor again, maybe take half a dozen girls games, or even kids 9 a aside, share in the innocence over bitterness, relax, get back in love with the game, then take that newly rediscovered spirit back into the adult games.
 
Consol yourself with the fact that if they were already that crap over six months of a season - they'd have probably missed the penalty anyway ;)

🤣 indeed. No consolation needed tbh, it's just another day in the middle. The concern for me is the gradual decrease in my enjoyment of refereeing as the season progresses. I'm getting tired of being spoken to like a mug and tired of seeing it happen to others.
 
2 teams at the foot of the County League yesterday. Big game on a very sticky pitch with plenty of wind about. For 93 mins I know I've reffed it really well. 3 yellows, no bad tackles,in complete control.

Last minute (away team 1-0 up), away corner is headed clear and a shot comes in which hits the home teams defenders outstretched arm and I immediately give a pen, it's a very clear handball. I'm looking through a lot of players as I give the decision and straight away I think I've made a mistake, it could well be outside the box. Whichever I go from here I've got one very unhappy team and management team because it really could have gone either way and my view just wasn't clear to know for sure but gut feeling and considering the body position after the ball hit the hand I think its outside and I've decided to overturn my decision. I go to the CAR (no NARs in this league since covid due to lack of refs) who I've worked with 4 previous times this year who's as honest as they come and he is also unsure so I change my decision and give a free kick. I must be clear here, I wish I'd have stayed with my original decision now, but I'm also comfortable with the face that it was so close that I'm 60/40 the right decision was reached. We don't have VAR and we do what we think is right and we also make mistakes, I'm very comfortable with that.

What happened afterwards was as expected. Home team go mad and this ends up with sin bins. Home AR (said he was a level 5 ref at the start) runs on the pitch from 50 yards away and gets involved. Free kick is eventually taken and missed and a minute later its full time. I then have practically every home team player and every member of the management team giving me dogs abuse after the game. A fan doing the same stud next to his little girl which was the only thing that will effect an old dog like me, I couldn't believe that. I could've carded every one of the management team but after offering my explanation and it being refused to continue the abuse I just walk off. Secretary came in my changing room to pay me and continues the debate, at least without abuse but he's very keen to tell me that I've relegated them, so he's obviously told to leave. I walk to my truck and again I've got the manager visibly shaking his head at me etc. First time I've not gone in the bar after a game for a long time, I'm just not welcome.

It's genuinely water of a ducks back. Far too long in the tooth to be effected by such stuff. Like one ref once said, once you see football as a drama and not a game you never worry again and thats very true.

What I'm here to write about and gauge opinion on is the enjoyment of refereeing and how its slowly dissipating. I've said this on here before but as the season has gone on my enjoyment has reduced considerably. I've decided to fulfill March's fixtures as I've never come off a game in my 5 years as a ref, but then that will be that this season. I've actually had a fantastic season in terms of observer marks (averaging 75 over 5 games at 5-4), had a few step 5 middles in my first season above park football etc. Couldn't have gone better. But its just the way we referees are spoken to/at so consistently, so often, by so many people that grinds my gears. I'm too proud a person to take it. The last few lines I've done (senior) I've just heard so much abuse towards the ref and I find that worse. Behaviour, which was already toxic, is getting worse and I'm not sure I'll bother next season. If I want money I can work every weekend for far more, if I want exercise I'll play vets football. Or maybe I'll rediscover the enjoyment of refereeing, but it feels more of a slog than an enjoyable way to spend 50/60 days/evenings a year at the moment.

Venting over. I hope you all had better games and more fun this weekend!
Sorry to that the enjoyment is slowly reducing for you. I have to admit, and I think most will, that over a season our enthusiasm wanes, be that because a disagreeable observation, a particularly difficult match, knowing you you got a decision wrong, or not feeling right in a game or a run of games in a league you don't like, run of lines or run of middles depending on your preference.

Myself this year I have not enjoyed lining. I've only been to 3 different places and 4 different teams and they are all over an hour away and tbh I don't see myself as an assistant referee long term. But I do it because I have to and I give every ref 100% because that's what they and the game deserves. But it doesn't stop me feeling animosity towards the appointment. Mostly because I am guaranteed to miss my boys bed time and miss a most of the day Due to the distance. I know if I get to level 3 this awaits me every weekend and I will have to really consider if its for me before accepting a promotion (again reliant on me actually being offered it).

I did have 1 particularly good game on the line and it got me going again but that was just one game. I enjoy being in the middle, at least when I am getting grief it's for Something I did.

Back to you, from your posts I get the impression you do a lot of games (sat and sun?)

Could you benefit from maybe dropping a few games to give you more time between games. Perhaps maybe play Vets on a sun and ref on a sat or the other way. Sometimes just being in the pressure cooker for so long eventually takes its toll and we have to take a step back.

I'll admit to the sometimes enjoying a Week off and picking up a local grassroots game as the pressure is off. No worry about club marks, or observers can just got out and referee.

Hopefully this is just one of those dips in enthusiasm that we overcome. I think, based on our interactions on here, you have a bright future in refereeing and you are going to get you're 4 and who knows where else it may take you. Perhaps, finishing the season early (and maybe only taking games you want to do in between) will get you back on the horse. I always find in the season breaks absence makes the heart grow fonder and I'm always chomping at the bit to get back at the end of the break.
 
Sorry to that the enjoyment is slowly reducing for you. I have to admit, and I think most will, that over a season our enthusiasm wanes, be that because a disagreeable observation, a particularly difficult match, knowing you you got a decision wrong, or not feeling right in a game or a run of games in a league you don't like, run of lines or run of middles depending on your preference.

Myself this year I have not enjoyed lining. I've only been to 3 different places and 4 different teams and they are all over an hour away and tbh I don't see myself as an assistant referee long term. But I do it because I have to and I give every ref 100% because that's what they and the game deserves. But it doesn't stop me feeling animosity towards the appointment. Mostly because I am guaranteed to miss my boys bed time and miss a most of the day Due to the distance. I know if I get to level 3 this awaits me every weekend and I will have to really consider if its for me before accepting a promotion (again reliant on me actually being offered it).

I did have 1 particularly good game on the line and it got me going again but that was just one game. I enjoy being in the middle, at least when I am getting grief it's for Something I did.

Back to you, from your posts I get the impression you do a lot of games (sat and sun?)

Could you benefit from maybe dropping a few games to give you more time between games. Perhaps maybe play Vets on a sun and ref on a sat or the other way. Sometimes just being in the pressure cooker for so long eventually takes its toll and we have to take a step back.

I'll admit to the sometimes enjoying a Week off and picking up a local grassroots game as the pressure is off. No worry about club marks, or observers can just got out and referee.

Hopefully this is just one of those dips in enthusiasm that we overcome. I think, based on our interactions on here, you have a bright future in refereeing and you are going to get you're 4 and who knows where else it may take you. Perhaps, finishing the season early (and maybe only taking games you want to do in between) will get you back on the horse. I always find in the season breaks absence makes the heart grow fonder and I'm always chomping at the bit to get back at the end of the break.

Thanks for that. I was thinking last night that I am doing too many games. I did an academy u17 game on Friday which I thoroughly enjoyed and a game on Tuesday on the line which I equally enjoyed. But I did think to reduce them to see if this would effect things positively. Perhaps its the end of season and because my other passion (cricket) is on the horizon I'm looking forward to that starting more so than the remaining games I have left to referee. I used to find that when I played football that come the end of the season I'd be looking forward to starting the other sport.

It's a strange one for me as the season has gone fantastically in terms of my observation scores. Yesterday was one of the best games I've had. I have been given a semi final middle in my first season here too. I have only missed one weekend of the season (I was in Tenerife) and I think next year I will have a few more breaks just to see if that helps. Its not as if it's been one bad incident etc or even a huge drop off in enjoyment, its just a gradual downturn in enthusiasm and enjoyment. Perhaps it's because it's a much longer season than the last couple (covid) and those enforced breaks were actually a benefit.

I'm back on holiday at the end of the month and I have the semi final the week before which may well be my last game of the season.
 
Last edited:
First time I've not gone in the bar after a game for a long time, I'm just not welcome.
Far too long in the tooth to be effected by such stuff.
I've said this on here before but as the season has gone on my enjoyment has reduced considerably
Just taking these three lines out of your synopsis...
Yes, I've had one game so far in which the bar was off limits after the game. Like you, I'm not familiar with that predicament. It kinda felt surreal to me
I think lines two and three are contradictory. If you're anything like a normal person, I can't see how this new experience can be 'water off a duck's back'. Admittedly, I found my problem game difficult to wrestle with. I had a poor game, complacent, lots of people there I knew, assessment score 69 (generous), Social Media nonsense afterwards, badly undermined by my Senior AR (words caught on Veo) and it was the last game in the lead up to Christmas. How can anyone not take that home with them
But my reaction was one of rebellion. I didn't care too much about the misconduct (TA 1xRed,2xYellow FOP 1xRed,1C2SB and 3xC1's). I was just more indulged with what had gone wrong from my perspective. Their behaviour became immaterial to me, I was steadfastly committed to doing better myself. To some extent, I enjoy the shenanigans of how stupidly unfair and unacceptable the behaviour can get. The bit that pissed me off, was I knew the problems emanated from my poor handling of the game
Ultimately, I've been close to my best since that game (scoring 72 & 76 to get me back on track). But my guard will gradually drop and it will happen again (probably when least expected). Hopefully next time, I'll be slightly better equipped, less surprised and bounce back with the same drive
 
Generally speaking also, it's natural that enthusiasm will wane at this point of the season. @Ben448844 does a lot of games
I've been dropping my Sunday activity, the games don't do me much good. Alternating CARs and NARs constantly is bad for business

I'd suggest taking it easy during March. Likely some high stakes games just round the corner, so best freshen up for them
Maybe buy some of that 'Zest Shampoo'. You'll be back!
 
Generally speaking also, it's natural that enthusiasm will wane at this point of the season. @Ben448844 does a lot of games
I've been dropping my Sunday activity, the games don't do me much good. Alternating CARs and NARs constantly is bad for business

I'd suggest taking it easy during March. Likely some high stakes games just round the corner, so best freshen up for them
Maybe buy some of that 'Zest Shampoo'. You'll be back!

I week in Tenerife at the end of the month will do the trick. I take your point about alternwting between CARs & NARs, that can definitely cause an issue.
 
I week in Tenerife at the end of the month will do the trick. I take your point about alternwting between CARs & NARs, that can definitely cause an issue.
Whilst my Assessments have gone well overall, I don't score highly on the stuff related to working with NARs. What do you do? Focus on Assessments or carry on making a contribution to Sunday League. Tricky one IMO
I think you'll be OK. I suppose you have to form a different relationship with the nonsense. The culture has never been any different as far as I recall. You sorta have to enjoy it, if that's insanely possible. Kinda just observe it and see the comedy side, rather than engage with it. It's weird
There's no sign of the Governing Bodies doing anything meaningful to change things however. Money money money... nought else matters
 
Last edited:
Whilst my Assessments have gone well overall, I don't score highly on the stuff related to working with NARs. What do you do? Focus on Assessments or carry on making a contribution to Sunday League. Tricky one IMO
I think you'll be OK. I suppose you have to form a different relationship with the nonsense. The culture has never been any different as far as I recall. You sorta have to enjoy it, if that's insanely possible. Kinda just observe it and see the comedy side, rather than engage with it. It's weird
There's no sign of the Governing Bodies doing anything meaningful to change things however. Money money money... nought else matters

Been involved in football my entire life, I know the score with dissent. I wasn't always a Saint myself.

Governing bodies don't care, if they did they'd actively try to stop it at all levels.

It's just boring. It's dull and tiresome. It's never an issue on its own, it's just football. The issue I had yesterday was it was long after the whistle and by far the worst aspect was the fan shouting stuff whilst he was next to his very young daughter. A real WTF moment and it was difficult to stay quiet.
 
Been involved in football my entire life, I know the score with dissent. I wasn't always a Saint myself.

Governing bodies don't care, if they did they'd actively try to stop it at all levels.

It's just boring. It's dull and tiresome. It's never an issue on its own, it's just football. The issue I had yesterday was it was long after the whistle and by far the worst aspect was the fan shouting stuff whilst he was next to his very young daughter. A real WTF moment and it was difficult to stay quiet.
Yeh, I see what you mean
I can't take my kids to NUFC away games (not that I would anyway). The behaviour of our lot is off the scale away from home. Football is often not suitable for kids anymore.
 
Home team are losing 1-0 and then you do NOT give a penalty against them, I'm being thick here obviously, but what was their beef - that it wasn't handball at all?

Have I missed something?:oops:
 
Home team are losing 1-0 and then you do NOT give a penalty against them, I'm being thick here obviously, but what was their beef - that it wasn't handball at all?

Have I missed something?:oops:

Home team 1-0 down and I give them a penalty but reverse my decision when I realise that I think I've made a mistake (and after checking with AR who was unsure too).
 
Thanks for that. I was thinking last night that I am doing too many games. I did an academy u17 game on Friday which I thoroughly enjoyed and a game on Tuesday on the line which I equally enjoyed. But I did think to reduce them to see if this would effect things positively. Perhaps its the end of season and because my other passion (cricket) is on the horizon I'm looking forward to that starting more so than the remaining games I have left to referee. I used to find that when I played football that come the end of the season I'd be looking forward to starting the other sport.

It's a strange one for me as the season has gone fantastically in terms of my observation scores. Yesterday was one of the best games I've had. I have been given a semi final middle in my first season here too. I have only missed one weekend of the season (I was in Tenerife) and I think next year I will have a few more breaks just to see if that helps. Its not as if it's been one bad incident etc or even a huge drop off in enjoyment, its just a gradual downturn in enthusiasm and enjoyment. Perhaps it's because it's a much longer season than the last couple (covid) and those enforced breaks were actually a benefit.

I'm back on holiday at the end of the month and I have the semi final the week before which may well be my last game of the season.

I don't think dropping games is the solution.
I've had 5 games in one week; 2 AR and 3 în the middle. You can have a crap day in the first game and no trouble with the others or you can have 4 decent ones and the last one not great. I treat them as they go, one game at the time, alway expecting the worst. If that doesn't happen I'll be "wow": "I didn't expect that!"
I am sure you'll be fine in the next game, but one bit of advice; go with your gut feeling. If you've given a pen initially, probably you should have stuck with that.

Good luck in the future and keep being positive.
 
I don't think dropping games is the solution.
I've had 5 games in one week; 2 AR and 3 în the middle. You can have a crap day in the first game and no trouble with the others or you can have 4 decent ones and the last one not great. I treat them as they go, one game at the time, alway expecting the worst. If that doesn't happen I'll be "wow": "I didn't expect that!"
I am sure you'll be fine in the next game, but one bit of advice; go with your gut feeling. If you've given a pen initially, probably you should have stuck with that.

Good luck in the future and keep being positive.
Yes but sometime doing too many Games shortens the fuse at which we go F this.
 
Back
Top