A&H

That time of year again - thinking about quitting

JBeil

JBeil

Active Member
Level 5 Referee
Short and sweet - two teams this morning decided I'd piddled on their cornflakes. Even really stupid things like refusing to leave the area for a goal kick. One player I knew I should have binned early on kept on at me. Players refusing to provide surnames so I've had to submit a report that might be incorrect. I had thought I'd noticed a few improvements in my refereeing over the last few months but now I'm thinking of packing the whole thing in - I don't need the money, I certainly don't need the abuse.

Extra-annoyed as I'd had one of these teams before and I had asked the league to send someone to keep an eye on proceedings as I knew they'd be trouble, and I was right. I've already come off for next weekend and I don't think I can be arsed to go back. I seem to keep making the same mistakes in terms of being too lenient, and if I'm not improving then what's the point? The league I officiated on Saturdays has quietly dropped me and isn't answering emails so I assume they've decided I'm too crap for them as well!

Rant over. At least Rushden finally won a game this week.
 
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It seems as though you have identified your leniency as the issue.

Why do you think you are lenient?

Why are you holding back on issuing sin bins even though you recognise that you should be giving them?
 
I had a really tough game a few weeks ago. Was a big knock to my confidence and the first time I even remotely contemplated quitting (now a month later I couldn't be further from wanting to quit). For me, I focussed on my headspace and mindset with a few useful coping strategies. I found I got into a rut of self-doubt after the really tough game. As soon as I made the first decision I wasn't focussed and then doubted myself for the remainder of the game.

A few of the new coping mechanisms I found:

Focus on what's in front of me. A lot of people say 'park the last decision' which I think is always easier said than done. I start commentating on the game in my head so I stay focussed on the current football and where the next decision needs to be made rather than the last one I'm not sure I got right.

I also found going to watch a few other referees meant I was no longer overthinking everything I was doing and began to see the bigger picture of managing a football match.
 
I've had so many tough games this season and there's been a couple where I've genuinely thought about quiting too. I reckon there's been twice where I've been right on the verge of quitting and probably would've done immediately after the match.

Refereeing is one of those things that can be so lonely at times, especially when it feels like everyone is on your back.

I had a game this morning whereby one team were constantly on my back wanting everything, unsurprisingly they were the under-dogs. Then I get a rant at full time from one of their coaches, who I sent off for confronting me but in retrospect, it should've only really been a caution for dissent and I've submitted that in my report. But, he didn't need to be on my back all game after every single decision that didn't go their way. It just had me feeling sh*t and a rubbish game to be a part of.

This afternoon, I have a game that whilst it ends 11-0, it's much more enjoyable to be a part of. So sometimes you just have to give things one more chance.

Obviously, no one can stop you from packing it in if that's what you really want to do but I think you would genuinely miss the feeling you get after a great match of football that you've facilitated. We all reflect on games and feel like we could've done something better and maybe we missed that decision but that's how football is. My advice is if you've got anyone close to you, talk to them about it. It's much better to talk to someone about a decision or what you think you could do better rather than just sit on it.

Even if you give it one more shot, believe me it will be worth it in the long run!!
 
I think many of us go through the same tough games and have the self doubt some weekends. However the fact you've reached Level 5 in itself means you've earned the promotions and have proved to be capable.
Maybe move to another league and give yourself chance to stop being lenient and put a marker down early doors. It could be the case teams are aware of getting away with things when you referee them and play on it and push things further.

Another option is running the line for a while and seeing how others manage their games, you also get to hear more and see how spectators and coaches react to decisions when the action is at the other end and you'll realise it the same comments they make to you and probably every one of us.

At the end of the day the game needs Officials, and everyone would much rather have a neutral Ref than someone attached to a team having to step in. Have a week off and then ask for a low level match with teams who haven't had you referee them.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Tealeaf said:
I’m temporarily in Northants after returning from overseas. If a friendly-ish face helps at one of your games drop me a line.

If I’m available I’ll turn up.
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As it happens I've been picked up for a game in North Beds this weekend before I had a chance to close the date so if you're about on Saturday, by all means. Drop me a PM and we'll have a chat, thanks.
 
RefereeX said:
James, why do you referee? Is it for the money? or for other reasons?
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Initially it was the only way I could stay involved in football - like all referees I'm a bit crap at the game even if I do think I could still do a job!

There's something about the challenge of having these intense situations to try and get the right decision on that I enjoy - I always hated doing youth football because it always seemed very low-stakes and there wasn't much to do on the pitch. For a few years it was the only form of exercise I did, now I've got other pursuits which help tick that particular box. I'm lucky enough that I'm working in a job now where I earn enough that the fees from refereeing of a weekend are really just pocket money at this point, which also wasn't the case a few years ago when things were very lean.

There must be something I enjoy about it, I've been at it long enough!
 
JBeil said:
Initially it was the only way I could stay involved in football - like all referees I'm a bit crap at the game even if I do think I could still do a job!

There's something about the challenge of having these intense situations to try and get the right decision on that I enjoy - I always hated doing youth football because it always seemed very low-stakes and there wasn't much to do on the pitch. For a few years it was the only form of exercise I did, now I've got other pursuits which help tick that particular box. I'm lucky enough that I'm working in a job now where I earn enough that the fees from refereeing of a weekend are really just pocket money at this point, which also wasn't the case a few years ago when things were very lean.

There must be something I enjoy about it, I've been at it long enough!
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Then don't give up. Tough games come and go. We all have them. We all have days when we think 'why do I bother'. But we all do it because we enjoy it.
 
JBeil said:
Initially it was the only way I could stay involved in football - like all referees I'm a bit crap at the game
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Point of order Sir! Speak for yourself only please!
I'll have you know that in my day I was a silken-skilled nemesis to any defence unfortunate enough to encounter my attacking armoury. Fleet of foot, rigid in the tackle, majestic in the air and (still) in possession of dashingly handsome chisel-jawed features. Why, they used to flock in their droves just to watch me warm up!
I only became a referee later in life in response to continued written correspondence from my adoring fan base begging "Will we ever see you on the football field again Kes?" 😉

So, assume nothing okay? :flip:
 
Kes said:
Point of order Sir! Speak for yourself only please!
I'll have you know that in my day I was a silken-skilled nemesis to any defence unfortunate enough to encounter my attacking armoury. Fleet of foot, rigid in the tackle, majestic in the air and (still) in possession of dashingly handsome chisel-jawed features. Why, they used to flock in their droves just to watch me warm up!
I only became a referee later in life in response to continued written correspondence from my adoring fan base begging "Will we ever see you on the football field again Kes?" 😉

So, assume nothing okay? :flip:
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I felt it best to stop reading after the "rigid in the tackle" statement. Sir, I do not need to know that!
 
Clipped from an email to my RDO about today - funnily enough we had a CPD event with Kevin Friend this week which was very helpful!

Happy to say completely different today - funnily enough I ended up getting caught up in a random road closure so wasn't at the ground until about twenty minutes before kick-off, so ended up starting off by using Kevin's trick about chilling myself in the car rather than rushing around.

I deliberately decided to smile as much as I could and was determined to have some fun, when issues cropped up I pulled players out for a quiet word, when we had one flashpoint I managed to isolate the player at fault when two of the opposition were giving their tuppence worth, issued the sanction, and had no further problem for the rest of the game, which finished 1-0 with a goal in the final fifteen minutes and a testy finish. Since the temperature of the match was rising I started being a little bit more positive and pro-active with fouls that I might have let go earlier and stopped applying advantage where a free kick would do the job.

In all of that, the only mistake I can find was being caught out of position when a player lost possession on the edge of their area, which might potentially have been a penalty - as it was I thought he had successfully played the ball fairly, and until they introduce VAR in the Bedfordshire County League I'll never know!

So it turns out all I had to do was sit down a PMGOL referee and do what he told me! Easy once you know how!
 
JBeil said:
Clipped from an email to my RDO about today - funnily enough we had a CPD event with Kevin Friend this week which was very helpful!

Happy to say completely different today - funnily enough I ended up getting caught up in a random road closure so wasn't at the ground until about twenty minutes before kick-off, so ended up starting off by using Kevin's trick about chilling myself in the car rather than rushing around.

I deliberately decided to smile as much as I could and was determined to have some fun, when issues cropped up I pulled players out for a quiet word, when we had one flashpoint I managed to isolate the player at fault when two of the opposition were giving their tuppence worth, issued the sanction, and had no further problem for the rest of the game, which finished 1-0 with a goal in the final fifteen minutes and a testy finish. Since the temperature of the match was rising I started being a little bit more positive and pro-active with fouls that I might have let go earlier and stopped applying advantage where a free kick would do the job.

In all of that, the only mistake I can find was being caught out of position when a player lost possession on the edge of their area, which might potentially have been a penalty - as it was I thought he had successfully played the ball fairly, and until they introduce VAR in the Bedfordshire County League I'll never know!

So it turns out all I had to do was sit down a PMGOL referee and do what he told me! Easy once you know how!
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Rumour has it, Kev was quite impressed by the way you explained something too! 😉
 
Viridis1886 said:
It sounds like a great session. What were his other top tips and take away ideas?
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In no particular order;

1. Work hard - you've got to be as fast or faster than the players, which means no slacking off when the ball is in play.
2. When dealing with persistent offences, be really clear what the situation is - pull the player out, publically, make it very clear and do it slowly enough that they've got enough time to calm themselves.
3. Be positive - we went through a few video clips of situations where there's a small maybe foul situation, play has gone on, and we've got a bigger problem ten seconds later. Blow on the easy infringements, especially as the temperature of the game increases, and you then won't have those big blowups later on.
 
JBeil said:
Short and sweet - two teams this morning decided I'd piddled on their cornflakes. Even really stupid things like refusing to leave the area for a goal kick. One player I knew I should have binned early on kept on at me. Players refusing to provide surnames so I've had to submit a report that might be incorrect. I had thought I'd noticed a few improvements in my refereeing over the last few months but now I'm thinking of packing the whole thing in - I don't need the money, I certainly don't need the abuse.

Extra-annoyed as I'd had one of these teams before and I had asked the league to send someone to keep an eye on proceedings as I knew they'd be trouble, and I was right. I've already come off for next weekend and I don't think I can be arsed to go back. I seem to keep making the same mistakes in terms of being too lenient, and if I'm not improving then what's the point? The league I officiated on Saturdays has quietly dropped me and isn't answering emails so I assume they've decided I'm too crap for them as well!

Rant over. At least Rushden finally won a game this week.
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Where are you based?

Happy for you to PM me. May be worth asking someone from RA or in your county to come and see you for a couple of games - sometimes we are missing a couple of small things in our game to make things easier for ourselves.
 
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