A&H

Teenage football referee abused by angry parents

John White

John White

New Member
Level 7 Referee
I saw this on the my local news before, and was interested in your take on the incident.

Give it a look, scroll down the page, 'Teenage football referee abused by angry parents.'

http://www.itv.com/news/granada/

Obviously feel for the girl, you don't expect that from an u10s match, but do you think the FA should be doing more for the respect campaign, especially at tournaments?

I think there should be a Respect ambassador from the FA at every tournament for just these types of incidents.

I really hope she continues her refereeing, she's only 15!
 
A&H International
Yes, I think the FA should be stepping in, not to mention the boys in blue - if she felt her safety was under threat then there is a complaint that could be made isn't there?

As a junior coach, I have been involved in many tournaments, from u7s through to u10s, and fortunately, incidents like this are extremely rare, but occasionally things do blow up.

I would hope that, having been expelled from the competition, both clubs come down hard on the coaches and parents involved - I know our club would - as this kind of behaviour by adults is not acceptible at the junior game. If nothing else, it shows the kids that this is a way to behave at the sports field.
 
I had a problem like this. Only my 7th game, it was an U14 match that was quite close to start with then became one sided. The losing team conceded 2 goals the same way: quick attacking winger starts his run 10 yards onside when the ball is played, and looks 10 yards offside when he gets it. The losing coach told me that it wasn't offside then turned to a parent and said " F*cking hell". I told him to calm down and explained that he was onside when the ball was played and left it at that.

Was I right? What should I have done?Should I have told him to go to the car park?

Overall I had a good game and seemed to control everything well. After the game I went over and said thanks and both the manager and a female parent both said to me that I was "F*cking Sh*te". I reported this afterwards and they got charged and fined. Still not a nice way to talk to a newly qualified 14 year old!!
 
Youth football would be a whole lot better if parents weren't involved!
 
I know but I don't mind things like that because I need to learn how to manage them just wish I got some respect every once in a while. I witnessed another incident at a U10 game. The player said to the ref "you're having a laugh ref" so the ref took him to the manager and asked him to be subed off, the manager refused and said "I'm not F*cking bringing him off" the ref let it go. If I was him I would have booked the kid (he's got to learn) and then send the manager to the car park.

Would anyone do anything different?
 
I usually find mums the worst. They think that any time their little boy gets into a challenge it has to be a foul because he got caught on his shin, or he tries fouling and ends up hurting himself.

And HullRef I would've done the same.
 
The abuse comes with the job though, it's not like any other job. You can't single handedly wipe out abuse, but some managers use swear words in their everyday vocabulary and don't mean any offence by it. In that case Hullref, I would have just spoke to the player and told him that if I make a decision, to go with it - I wouldn't have got the manager involved at all for something as (in my opinion) as tedious as that. It just stokes the fires, unless the abuse is aimed directly at you then just let it go!
 
Although I agree on the fact that we should expect abuse and I have a low tolerance level myself. But, I then think the manager that said that should've been reported for it (or sent away) as I wouldn't allow that sort of talk or attitude at an U10 game. If you as a ref have asked the manager to do that, and he doesn't comply, I think you have to take some form of action, to keep match control. If a manager tells me to do something and I do it, I look like an idiot with no backbone that doesn't have any control (not including shouts for fouls etc, as they will shout for everything that looks like one, and when they are you give them). Similarly, if a manger says he's not going to do something that I've asked him to do (within reason) then I would have to do something, whether it be insist he does it etc.
 
Parents are the worst! We are having a problem at are RA with a 15 year old girl been verbally threatened by a parent.
A couple of weeks ago I witnessed a parent taking a pee on the sidelines at an u13s game. What is wrong with these crazy folks. If we could ban parents our lives would be so much easier.:)
 
At junior games, I have on a couple of occasions, gone over to the team talk and said "Excuse me coach, could I just pinch a minute"
None have ever refused.

I then open up with, "Just a quick word of caution boys/girls. I'm sure your coach will agree but once the ref has made a decision, nothing you say will change his mind, if anything it will end up getting you into trouble and possibly damage your team's chances in the game. You haven't heard me say anything if I think you've made a mistake out there, all I ask is you show the same respect to the officials. Thanks for your time coach and sorry to interrupt."

The line "As I'm sure coach will agree" is KEY!

After a good game, I also make a point of thanking the players as a group. "Guys, I really enjoyed that game, thanks to you it was an easy one to ref. Thanks very much"
 
Parents! This even applies in OA games sometimes, especially in the Women's League where there tends to be younger players. I had a very easy game yesterday - even though it was a competitive cup games both teams were trying to play football and the respect from both managers was exceptional (even when I overruled one who was doing the line which led directly to a goal). There were probably no more than a dozen fouls all game, two of which were debatable yellows, but given the temperature of the game a public word both times seemed appropriate (and indeed, both times the players involved committed no further offences).

After the match I got particular abuse from three different parents, two were the normal 'you were **** ref...I've seen some refereeing but that was terrible...'. That's never particularly bothered me although way out of context in a match with so few incidents. However, one parent came right up to me when I was picking up my stuff demanding to know why - in his words - a two-footed lunge through the back of a player's knees wasn't a card. The only thing I could say was that it wasn't two-footed, it was careless rather than reckless and that the game didn't need a card at that point. Even as I said it I knew I should just walk away but that response just (unsurprisingly) riled him up further and he called me a few names as he walked away - especially about the third point, which was a daft thing for me to say as it only makes sense to other referees and not someone who gets their football knowledge from MOTD or Sky punditry.

It shouldn't have done, but it really bothered me. I've played the incident over in my mind countless times since - it could easily have been a yellow and that might well have been the easy answer although I'm not keen on cautioning to satisfy the crowd rather than to aid match control or manage behaviour. I've also played the conversation with the angry parent over in my mind too - and I can't think of any way of dealing with this that isn't going to aggravate further - even just walking away seems likely to do that, though clearly engaging in conversation is never going to work out well. Hints and tips on this aspect would be really helpful here...?
 
It's tricky, especially when it's an aggressive confrontation, your natural reaction will be a surge of adrenaline! Thanks fight or flight reaction!

The problem 90% of the time, is that the person does not care what you have to say as they just want to rant at you. Sometimes it is far better to just walk away, especially if they are already ranting, other times you will be able to talk your way out of it.

Worth speaking to the club official and reminding him that the behaviour of parents reflects on the club, which may have a code of conduct for parents. I would be making sure that poor behaviour is noted On team sheet and possibly having a word with the referee secretary for the league. Anything that crosses the line is a misconduct report.

Support from colleagues is important, such as this forum! However, are you also a member of your local RA?
 
Thanks SM. Yeah, I talk to other referees too (do plenty of lines for our highest division and a member of the RA) and I let the Secretary know about this incident as it certainly came under the definition of intimidation.

In many ways I was just venting I guess. I know the answer is to walk away (your 90% point is probably a conservative estimate) but, as you say, there's always that surge of adrenalin (plus a personality that hates unfairness!).
 
A similar incident happened to me a while ago, I too was 15 at the time, refereeing an U14s match. The last kick of the game and a team was 1-0 down, the losing team had a shot and clearly in front of everyone a defender punched the ball a yard from the line. Every single player turned their head to me just waiting for the whistle, and as much as I was dreading it, I knew I had no choice.

Gave the penalty and within seconds had parents, coaches and players surrounding me screaming and shouting every name imaginable under the sun, I just couldn't believe it. It was literally the last kick of the game, I remember they were playing 35 minutes each way and I'd decided and announced 2 minutes at the end, (I remember stopping the stopwatch a few seconds after the pitch invasion at 72:06).

Anyway, during this time I had players and parents screaming at me, one parent in my face threatening to "smash my fat face in" and players throwing insults in alongside their parents. Took me around 20 minutes to calm things down and get parents off the pitch. Sent the defender off in the end for foul & abusive language, instead of DOGSO, as I thought the language was more serious. Ended up cautioning a further three players. Penalty was eventually taken, scored, and I blew up for full-time.

Luckily in a sense for me, the home team were the team who were awarded the penalty so they made sure I was okay leaving the match and such after the threats that had been made.

Got home and filled out various reports, was seriously considering whether I wanted to referee again or not. Saw my referee mentor a few days later just by chance, and he informed me that the player & his father were "asked" to leave the club, the club were fined for failing to control supporters and they also had 3 points taken away from them in their league. Justice was done & I felt happy knowing that the FA had fully backed me. Hence why I still now continue to referee. :)
 
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