Slurs in the car

[OnlyUseMeWhistle]

Not sure how to approach this one.

When travelling with another referee a couple of weeks ago they repeatedly used a slur for disabled people and it left me a bit - to my shame - tongue tied.

If that’s a player or club official at the game I’d put a report straight in as is right - but I considered trying to educate and in the end backed out.

Not sure what I should or shouldn’t have done here but would appreciate some thoughts from the hive mind.

 

[QuaverRef]

It could make for a long car journey if you challenge them and it’s not your responsibility to educate them, so I only would if you feel comfortable enough to do so. However, I would contact your RDO so they can approach the referee in question.

 

[RefereeX]

I think it largely depends on the relationship between yourself and the other official. I do often like to see the best in people so maybe I'm being too kind, but I'd say it's more than likely that the individual in question just didn't realise the connotations of what they were saying and education would have worked wonders, but as above, if they don't take kindly to that education, things could get very awkward very quickly.

 

[Kes]

Not sure how to approach this one.

When travelling with another referee a couple of weeks ago they repeatedly used a slur for disabled people and it left me a bit - to my shame - tongue tied.

If that’s a player or club official at the game I’d put a report straight in as is right - but I considered trying to educate and in the end backed out.

Not sure what I should or shouldn’t have done here but would appreciate some thoughts from the hive mind.

Nowt to do with football or refereeing. His personality/bigotry is all. If you don't like what he's saying, tell him so. If you can't, ignore it.

 

[one]

Nowt to do with football or refereeing. His personality/bigotry is all. If you don't like what he's saying, tell him so. If you can't, ignore it.

Your colleagues don't have to be your friends. It's nice when they are like minded but when not keep it to a professional relationship.

Having said that, as soon as my authority as a referee starts, it will be well within my rights to dismiss an AR of his/her duties if they say something I find offensive.

 

[Kes]

Having said that, as soon as my authority as a referee starts, it will be well within my rights to dismiss an AR of his/her duties if they say something I find offensive.

You gonna pull a red card out in the car then?

 

[one]

You gonna pull a red card out in the car then?

Only if we have entered the field for prematch inspection with the car.

PS, I don't know why/how I quoted you in my previous post. It wasn't particularly a reply to your post.

 

[OnlyUseMeWhistle]

Nowt to do with football or refereeing. His personality/bigotry is all. If you don't like what he's saying, tell him so. If you can't, ignore it.

Your colleagues don't have to be your friends. It's nice when they are like minded but when not keep it to a professional relationship.

Having said that, as soon as my authority as a referee starts, it will be well within my rights to dismiss an AR of his/her duties if they say something I find offensive.

Viewpoints are one thing - discriminatory language is another. If you heard it from a player or coach in the car park post match you’d be expected to report it.

 

[one]

Viewpoints are one thing - discriminatory language is another. If you heard it from a player or coach in the car park post match you’d be expected to report it.

What if you went for coffee after the game and overheard the coach who also happened to be at the Cafe use the language?

 

[Kes]

Viewpoints are one thing - discriminatory language is another. If you heard it from a player or coach in the car park post match you’d be expected to report it.

If you're really asking the forum "should I contact the FA and report what this person said to me in the car?" then I shan't dignify with another response ...

 

[Kes]

PS, I don't know why/how I quoted you in my previous post. It wasn't particularly a reply to your post.

I did wonder ....

 

[OnlyUseMeWhistle]

If you're really asking the forum "should I contact the FA and report what this person said to me in the car?" then I shan't dignify with another response ...

Where, when joint travel is expected, do you draw the line and say your shift as officials ends? Also as a disabled referee it's not great - if they'd dropped an antisemitic remark should I as a Jewish person just gone "oh well it's just travel"

 

[OnlyUseMeWhistle]

Where, when joint travel is expected, do you draw the line and say your shift as officials ends? Also as a disabled referee it's not great - if they'd dropped an antisemitic remark should I as a Jewish person just gone "oh well it's just travel"

Also my preferred would be to educate in the moment - I'm more asking what should be done - for example if another official was in the car and reported it, would I be on the hook with the CFA for effectively ignoring it

 

[Kes]

Where, when joint travel is expected, do you draw the line and say your shift as officials ends? Also as a disabled referee it's not great - if they'd dropped an antisemitic remark should I as a Jewish person just gone "oh well it's just travel"

That's down to the conscience of the individual I guess. If anybody else in the car wasn't "offended" by it then it'd be your word against this other bloke's. If somebody said something that was offensive to me, I'd tell em. I wouldn't go behind their back and "report" them - but that's just me.

Also my preferred would be to educate in the moment - I'm more asking what should be done - for example if another official was in the car and reported it, would I be on the hook with the CFA for effectively ignoring it

I'd expect not. The CFA aren't the police. Like you say, where do you draw the line? Let's say you're in the pub one evening after a game and you hear one bloke say something offensive to another (both are players from the same team that you refereed a few hours/days earlier). You gonna write to the FA about that?
Bottom line for me is (in your particular scenario) - there is no "should". Only what you choose to do or not do.
(Apologies for inadvertently sounding like Yoda!! ).

 

[RustyRef]

There's no easy answer here, say something at the time and you risk a very frosty next couple of hours. Report it without saying anything and you could get a reputation of going behind peoples' backs. Depending on what was said I think I would say something in the changing room after the game, something like do you know that the word you used in the car isn't appropriate. Might lead to an uncomfortable journey home, or a walk for one of you, but at least the game itself is unaffected. Whether you then go onto report it to county I would say comes down to their response, if they apologise then probably not, but if they laugh it off or say there's nothing wrong with it then they clearly need some "education".

 

[Runner Ref]

I completely got this wrong end of the stick when I first read the title of this thread.

My personal approach would probably be education in an informal/jokey manner. ‘Bloody hell *insert name* it’s 2025, and you’re saying things like that*. More often than not, they’re going to take the hint from that. If they don’t and they repeat it, the decision of your next choice becomes far easier.

 

[Josh the referee]

Only if we have entered the field for prematch inspection with the car.

That's one hell of a way to turn up to a game.

Not sure the groundsman will be too happy with that one though