The Ref Stop

Reffing games involving family

S

Scottybee

Member
Level 7 Referee
What are people’s thoughts/experience on reffing games where a family member is playing?

I’ve been my Son’s coach for 12 years of youth football and this year he’s starting His final youth season in the U18s. I’ve stepped down as coach so I can ref more games as the club is desperately short of officials.

It’s been suggested to me that I shouldn’t do any of his/my old teams games to avoid “a conflict of interest”

However I am due to ref him this weekend as I’m the only official available, I’m thinking it’s a situation that is best avoided IF possible as I could leave myself open to accusations of favouritism etc Should the game Have any incidents. I am confident I can ref it impartially but am I under any obligation to disclose the situation to league or opposition?

I’ve reffed him before in preseason friendlies where the oppo coach knows I’m a coach/parent but never in a league game with points up for grabs.

Your advice/thoughts would be helpful pls
 
The Ref Stop
Assuming this is just amateur football then surely the best outcome is for you to do the game? Far better than having no referee. Parents/coaches ref their kids all the time.

Whether it's our kids we're reffing or whether it's 2 teams of whom we know nothing about, there is always the possibility of accusations of favouritism. I wouldn't worry about it, go and do the game and enjoy it.
 
I’ve refereed most of my son’s home matches for a couple of seasons (he is U13 now). Before I did it I discussed this with the County RDO and league Ref Sec. Neither had a problem with me doing this. The County RDO told me he had often refereed his brother at a fairly senior level. The leagues round here are so short of qualified refs that they are grateful for the support. I would check the league rules, though, as one of the other leagues I occasionally ref in has conflict of interest written into their constitution.

On a game day, I drop my son off with the coach and then steer clear of the other parents. I talk to both coaches in exactly the same manner and stand away from everyone else. During the match I am scrupulously fair and am just as likely get moaned at by his team as the other. I don’t go out of my way to telegraph the connection, but if asked, I am open about it and haven’t had any problems. I am always worried that I will get accused of being biased but will deal with that if it happens.

Be prepared for some frosty journeys home when your son thinks you made a bad call against him or his team.

Edit: Two other things, you’ll be expected to be the CAR on other matches and always have your kit with you. If a referee fails to show all eyes will fall on you to fill in.
 
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It is fine as long as you declare it to the opposition and they don't object. And if they do object they would need to provide a neutral, qualified referee as an alternative.
 
I started as a referee as the local boys league require a qualified referee and it was me.....
My lad hated it, often accused me of opposite bias (probably an element of truth too) but that's what I was there for!

Didn't do it by choice and I was glad when he was old enough to go to games on his own.......
 
Thanks guys,

Minty, opposite bias is exactly what I’ve drifted into in a couple of friendly games I’ve done with his team by trying too hard to appear not biased.

AJ, yup 3 weeks ago I turned up to watch him play an away friendly and the ref was a no show, as you say everyone looking at me now, I did the game in office shoes/trousers and a shirt! Def a lesson learned as my ref kit bag now lives in the car boot, ha ha
 
I've done my son's team for 3 years now. In the last game there was amazingly only one foul (that I saw). And that was by my son. I'm pleased to see that as the teams have got to know me, they don't do the silly little things as I'll blow against them.
 
RustyRef said:
It is fine as long as you declare it to the opposition and they don't object. And if they do object they would need to provide a neutral, qualified referee as an alternative.
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If you are appointed by the league referee secretary I see no reason to declare anything to the opposition. I referee my sons games quite frequently and have never seen a reason to tell the opposition my son is playing in the game. Ref the game as you see it and you won’t have an issue.
 
GPW said:
If you are appointed by the league referee secretary I see no reason to declare anything to the opposition. I referee my sons games quite frequently and have never seen a reason to tell the opposition my son is playing in the game. Ref the game as you see it and you won’t have an issue.
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That's different. If you are appointed by the league then you should have already declared the possible conflict of interest to them. If you haven't then I'm afraid you are wrong no matter what your fair intentions obviously are.
 
Agree with most of what is above. I'd add one thing: kids are different. Some kids this will work out fine, and some kids it will be hard on your relationship. Once you do it, see how it goes and whether it is worth doing.

(I have a vivid memory left from my dad being a baseball umpire. I was, at best, a mediocre player. My dad got drafted from time to time to be the umpire. He called me for strike three on a ball that was literally the level of my nose. (For those who don't know baseball, the strike zone ends around the arm pits--so it was a way, way wrong call.) He told me afterwards that he knew as soon as he started saying strike that he was wrong, and would have changed the call for anyone else but me as he felt he couldn't. We survived. But I still give him grief on occasion . . .)
 
I think it depends on how the referee appointments are allocated. If it is an informal process (perhaps even organised by the teams themselves) then fair enough. In such a set up it is likely that most teams would have some kind of relationship with the referee. However, if the referees are formally appointed by league/competition match secretary then I think you should declare any interest or relationship you have with a particular team and abide by whatever rules or guidelines they have in place.
 
GPW said:
If you are appointed by the league referee secretary I see no reason to declare anything to the opposition. I referee my sons games quite frequently and have never seen a reason to tell the opposition my son is playing in the game. Ref the game as you see it and you won’t have an issue.
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Yes, I agree with this. I am appointed by the league ref sec and was completely open about my involvement. We discussed whether I should make a declaration at each match and he was clear that it wasn't necessary. I make myself available for all my son's home matches and through the year will get appointed to one or two away matches. Each season I check in with the Ref Sec to make sure he is still comfortable with the situation and he seems more than happy.

I think there is another team in our league which has a similar arrangement, with a dad who is a referee.
 
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RustyRef said:
That's different. If you are appointed by the league then you should have already declared the possible conflict of interest to them. If you haven't then I'm afraid you are wrong no matter what your fair intentions obviously are.
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Yes, in this situation it is right to be up front about the involvement.
 
OIREF! said:
I think it depends on how the referee appointments are allocated. If it is an informal process (perhaps even organised by the teams themselves) then fair enough. In such a set up it is likely that most teams would have some kind of relationship with the referee. However, if the referees are formally appointed by league/competition match secretary then I think you should declare any interest or relationship you have with a particular team and abide by whatever rules or guidelines they have in place.
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So in my case, the Ref Sec was completely aware of my connection before I started and we discussed this. So for all appointments I get from him through the Full Time system, I consider that I have already declared my interest.
 
RustyRef said:
It is fine as long as you declare it to the opposition and they don't object. And if they do object they would need to provide a neutral, qualified referee as an alternative.
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Why do they have to provide any referee let alone qualified? It all depends on league rules.

I have two sons both adult now (22 and 24) and I have refereed their games from time to time since U9 and still do, sometimes as appointed and sometimes as a non-official. I try to avoid it if I can. I'd say in one in 10 games I get accused of being biased. It doesn't bother me. I deal with any accusation appropriately a d professionally.

One thing I'd advise is if you are not appointed, don't referee in official kit. I have done it in a bib on my casual track suite. Let the opposition know you are a parent and you are a qualified referee. If there is non one appointed, common sense says you are the best option.
 
RustyRef said:
That's different. If you are appointed by the league then you should have already declared the possible conflict of interest to them. If you haven't then I'm afraid you are wrong no matter what your fair intentions obviously are.
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In my case the league are fully aware and don’t have an issue with it
 
I refereed all 4 of my kids at some point, still do occasionally when they don't get allocated a ref. I have been asked by the home manager on several occasions to ref both when I was the away team's coach and also when watching as a parent. They would rather have a qualified official from the other team who they trust to be impartial (I am more likely to be harsh on my son's team in a 50/50 call) than do it themselves. One of my sons I have even refereed at Supply level on a couple of occasions when the ref pulled out at late notice.

At the end of the day it is down to how comfortable you and your child are after the first game as to whether you do it again.
 
I’m awaiting requests from my grandsons team, two lads together. My daughter is bound to say something!
Any tips on U7s 🥴
 
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