The Ref Stop

Refereeing my old team..

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So the day has nearly come for me to ref my old side played for them upuntil last season & I know the boys only to well, four of them are my Mrs cousins & im pals with the whole team.

I asked the league secretary not to put me on there games this season for obvious reasons this is only my seventh game incharge but low and behold my phone goes crazy yesterday and it turns out they’ve put me on there game.

I’ve stopped and blagged nearly everybody from coming to watch me upuntil now but Sunday im in for it, not only will mates be there to watch and the Mrs but obviously my old team will see me first hand & up close.

Basically I’ve kept my refereeing on the low down & now I’m gonna get it both barrels, on paper my old team win comfortably and they’re not a particularly dirty side I think i had the most yellows last season ironically but it’s the whole situation that I’m dreading, im new to the game & it’s a very different morning to face refereeing your mates.

It’s gonna be a tricky one to bolloc* mates & it’s gonna be interesting to see if I get the respect from the first whistle, it’s also going to be interesting if I have to make a 50/50 call either way, I could have turned it down and spoke to the league but I thought f it let’s crack on, I would have preferred to have had more games under my belt but it is what it is.

Any thoughts or advice folkes?
 
The Ref Stop
I referee my Sons team but I don't let that effect my decisions . Just apply the laws of the game , remain impartial and don't use first names , I find using the players number or shirt colour also shows the opposing team that you are unbiased and that your job is to manage the game and ensure that fairness and consistency ........ But at the end of the day they know you so you need to be ready for the banter , but control the dissent , good luck.
 
Very unfair of the league to do this to you so early on in your reffing career. Just keep your cards handy and be strong and ref what you see. Good luck.
 
That’s something that has crossed my mind Aswell, I’m that good mates with the players & people connected with the club it’s going to seem rather odd for the opposing side & the last thing I want is them thinking it’s a jolly up for me & im not being professional.

If I let my lot turn it into 90 mins of banter & jokes believe me they will so I’m not going to engage one bit tbh or Atleast try not to :)
 
Tino Best said:
Very unfair of the league to do this to you so early on in your reffing career. Just keep your cards handy and be strong and ref what you see. Good luck.
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I will Tino it’s hard enough making decisions in a game without the added pressure of knowing the whole team.

I’ve taken everything head on so far since I’ve started refereeing I’m not about to bottle this one it’s just not ideal, knowing my luck there will be 10 penalty claims & 10 red card claims :(
 
Always a tough one when you referee a team that you know especially when first starting out.

Like R1, I used to referee my son's teams from when he was U8s through to U13s. Whilst I have seen many out there that don't even attempt to remain impartial when refereeing their sons/friends etc, thinking back there probably a few times where I didn't give decisions in favour of my son's teams when I probably should have done as I might have been thinking to hard not to give the wrong impression.

Must have been doing something right as the club chairman of one team I ref'd a few times playing against my son's team contacted me through a mutual friend and asked if I could help them out as and when I was/am available.

By all means when you arrive nothing wrong with a few handshakes and a quick chat with people you may know before the game, but at the same time try not to let that distract you from the reason you are there, remember your pre-match routine/tasks (pitch/goals/equipment/CARs etc) and from the first whistle concentrate on the game rather than who some of the people on the pitch may be and try to remain as professional as possible including avoiding speaking to players by name even if you know them.

Earlier this season I straight red carded an u15s player, who is a former team mate of my son's, in the last minute of a game! Would have been quite easy for me to ignore his behaviour due to past relationships etc and naturally his parents were absolutely fuming their little cherub had been treated so unfairly especially by someone they knew, but it never once crossed my mind to shy away from the correct decision both morally and by the LOTG. I felt strongly at the time his conduct had sufficiently crossed the line to warrant a straight red and despite the aggravation and complaints it caused in the minutes and days after the game still believe without doubt it was the right decision and wouldn't hesitate to do the same again.

Good luck MIB and let us know how you got on! :)
 
I sent my sons best mate off 4 times back in the day of reffing my sons team, all 100% justified, nightmare player to referee on the pitch but a nice trainee accountant off it!! Go figure that one!!!

Forget the semantics of friends / ex team mates etc, no players should be your friend for the 90 minutes, they are players, thats it! Say what you see, one last tip, don't address them by there first names, I always used, 'player' of 'captain' to address them, works for both teams then!!
 
If you are feeling uncomfotable I would be speaking with the appointments secretary and requesting you be taken off the game. He can easily swap you with another referee.

If you do go ahead with the game be fair and consistent. There maybe a tendency to go harder on your old team to prove there is no bias. Just do what you have done in your old game and forget the teams involved. Ref whats in front of you.

I am going to guess that the other team are likely to be aware of your prior association and this might present some match control issues, especially if a KMI goes in your old teams favour. Just be prepared for that and dont accept it because its expected.

Finally, unless you are going to do the same with the opposition, I wouldnt go in all first name terms. Id do what i have normally done in games where I know no names i.e. coulour and number. Also dont spend too long catching up before the game. The opposition may see this and go into the game with a pre conceived notion which possibly may start the game on the wrong foot. Plenty of time post match in thr clubhouse / down the local.

I fortunately havent ever had this issue so cant speak from experience but the above are my thoughts on some of the potential issues you might find. Good luck and let us know how you get on.
 
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Sheffields Finest said:
I sent my sons best mate off 4 times back in the day of reffing my sons team, all 100% justified, nightmare player to referee on the pitch but a nice trainee accountant off it!! Go figure that one!!!

Forget the semantics of friends / ex team mates etc, no players should be your friend for the 90 minutes, they are players, thats it! Say what you see, one last tip, don't address them by there first names, I always used, 'player' of 'captain' to address them, works for both teams then!!
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Interesting that because I’ve had refs in the past go out of there way to remember names, also it’s hard to get players attention sum times if you know there name it could make it easier for you & finally isn’t it a bit odd that you know i blokes name say Jim for instance but your gonna address him all game as fella or player come here please.

I’ll take your advice and won’t use names but it does seem a little weird & maybe hard to stick to.

I’m more concerned that certain players will think they can take the piss & get away with it, gonna be a few shocked faces out there tomorrow because I won’t be afraid to use my cards.
 
JamesL said:
If you are feeling uncomfotable I would be speaking with the appointments secretary and requesting you be taken off the game. He can easily swap you with another referee.

If you do go ahead with the game be fair and consistent. There maybe a tendency to go harder on your old team to prove there is no bias. Just do what you have done in your old game and forget the teams involved. Ref whats in front of you.

I am going to guess that the other team are likely to be aware of your prior association and this might present some match control issues, especially if a KMI goes in your old teams favour. Just be prepared for that and dont accept it because its expected.

Finally, unless you are going to do the same with the opposition, I wouldnt go in all first name terms. Id do what i have normally done in games where I know no names i.e. coulour and number. Also dont spend too long catching up before the game. The opposition may see this and go into the game with a pre conceived notion which possibly may start the game on the wrong foot. Plenty of time post match in thr clubhouse / down the local.

I fortunately havent ever had this issue so cant speak from experience but the above are my thoughts on some of the potential issues you might find. Good luck and let us know how you get on.
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Cheers James could be a few from the away team that put 2 & 2 together, tbh I’ve had some funny looks & some very surprised faces when I’ve turned up to games this season, I’d say on average i know atleast one or two from each team that i referee.

It’s a shock for people to see me in a referee kit having played in the league for years.

If I’m honest my issues are self awareness & image, I had it in my first game & i still have it now, to the point where I actually prefer wearing tight jogging bottoms instead of shorts, totally unprofessional I know but it was freezing a few times the last few months & I went with tight Training bottoms, they make me look slimmer and I feel like I’m not so dressed up for the occasion I feel a bit more confident, tomorrow doesn’t warrant bottoms but I still want to wear them, I’ve been a footballer my whole life & looked the part now I’m 34 got a bit of a gut and don’t look so cool in my ref kit, im self aware.

It’s been a hard transition from player to ref & im still getting to grips with it purely on a looks basis, I guess I tried to blend in a bit & look cool when in all honesty I’m Referee it’s as simple as that, Shame ref’s can’t pick there own gear to wear, all in Black is a little boring.
 
If you think you are having a trouble getting players attention or they maybe ignoring you, a quick loud blast of the whistle & "Blue 4/Rovers 4 come here please" usually has the desired effect! ;)
 
Mooseybaby said:
If you think you are having a trouble getting players attention or they maybe ignoring you, a quick loud blast of the whistle & "Blue 4/Rovers 4 come here please" usually has the desired effect! ;)
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Just easy for someone to play dumb when there is 22 players on a field & your shouting fella come here when if you know his name it could help you but hey I won’t be using names tomoz as I don’t want the away team getting the wrong idea.
 
Just very image contious, I’m probably the only geezer to ever come on here and say does my bum look big in this lol

No seriously all in Black with my little beer belly does me no favours, I just need to get in to my head that it’s not a Fashion show it’s a game of football.
 
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If you can name 1-11 of Team A but none of Team B Then it doesn’t look good if your having a conversation with apparent friends and having to be more formal with them. Do the safe thing and keep it rigidly formal to both sides.
 
To be honest you shouldn't be doing the game as it falls into the conflict of interest category. You did the right thing in declaring the connection, but when the league made a mistake and appointed you to them my advice would be you should have turned the game down.

Imagine if it all goes wrong, gets abandoned and ends up at a hearing. The other turn up declaring that you are friends with all of the other team, you're now in difficulties and likely to get hung out to dry.
 
RustyRef said:
To be honest you shouldn't be doing the game as it falls into the conflict of interest category. You did the right thing in declaring the connection, but when the league made a mistake and appointed you to them my advice would be you should have turned the game down.

Imagine if it all goes wrong, gets abandoned and ends up at a hearing. The other turn up declaring that you are friends with all of the other team, you're now in difficulties and likely to get hung out to dry.
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Indeed your right, I guess I’m not currently signed to the team I’m a referee so it is what it is.

Tbh on paper it should be a six or seven nil job, bit of a miss match in quality if i didn’t know the home team it would be an easy one to ref, problem being the game is not played on paper and I do know the home team :-(

Sure it’ll be ok, I won’t turn down any game to referee, I’d ref 7 days a week if I could.
 
Once you're on the field just pretend they're number 1-11 and you don't know them.

I've refereed games with my mates and/or family members being in the team, they'll tell you to eff off all the same! ;)

But yeah, just ensure you're impartial. That's all I can say to be honest.
 
Men in Black said:
Interesting that because I’ve had refs in the past go out of there way to remember names, also it’s hard to get players attention sum times if you know there name it could make it easier for you & finally isn’t it a bit odd that you know i blokes name say Jim for instance but your gonna address him all game as fella or player come here please.

I’ll take your advice and won’t use names but it does seem a little weird & maybe hard to stick to.

I’m more concerned that certain players will think they can take the piss & get away with it, gonna be a few shocked faces out there tomorrow because I won’t be afraid to use my cards.
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Yes we have one ref locally who will probably know every player's first name in the first ten minutes and he uses them. The point here is you'll only know one team and it will look off if you use them.
 
I wear skins when it is really cold. If players can wear them why can't we. Only used them once this year and too all our northern refs yes I am a big southern jessie!
 
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