"Push him back or chin him" - U9's parent today

[Mada]

This was a comment that I heard from a parent when I was standing next to the touch line.

For context, I normally do OA games but given it's so hard to find a ref for youth games I occasionally take charge of my son's team. I actually find it harder than OA football, identifying fouls can be really tricky. Today my son's team 8-0 and with 2 minutes to go I heard this comment. Throughout the game my son's team had been first to every ball, they competed well and showed a determination to win the ball. I penalised them a couple of times for using an arm but otherwise it was shoulder to shoulder with the other team dropping to the floor at the slightest sign of contact. Their manager spoke to my afterwards and said he knows they have been placed in the wrong division after losing a few players in the close season and the couple of games so far have been a complete mismatch.

Back to the comment. I told the guy that his comment was out of line and outrageous. Of course he justified this by saying I had missed fouls. He then went on to say I couldn't do anything blah blah to which I told him if I heard another comment from him I'll be abandoning the game and he can explain to the other parents why his behavior caused this.

At the end of the game I spoke to the away manager and told him about the comment I had heard. He agreed it was wrong. I explained I had grounds to report this to county but given he was on the other side of the pitch and had been a pleasure to deal with i'd give him the opportunity to deal with it. I bumped in to him in the car park after and he apologised and said the parent would be dealt with as the club have a great reputation. The individual was the parent of one of the new kids to the team.

Very sad to think these people are out there and have an influence on kids so young The other issue is that it puts off other parents from stepping up so we end up in a vicious circle where the expectation is for me to ref. That situation would be very intimidating to someone who hadn't experienced it before so why would they volunteer? No wonder we have such a problem with retention/recruiting new refs.

 

[spuddy1878]

It must be a day for it

I had my U6s today and each coach referees half a game each.

The game was a bit niggly from the start from both sides quite a bit of pushing and shoving.

One incident were a coming together of boys and one got up and showed a double middle finger to one of my lads.

A comment from one of the parents was not sure exactly what so i went over, its part and parcel football he said, ok thats fair enough then came out with "If they want to fight let them fight"

I took my team off the pitch, this is 5 and 6 year old boys.

 

[RefIADad]

In a case like this, I'd stop the game and ask the coach to remove the parent from the game site before we restart. We are not to deal with fans (even though I know we all do it - I had one yesterday where a U11 girls dad held his arm out pointing the other direction for a throw-in. I let him hold it out there for several seconds and then responded, "You can put your arm down, sir - I have the call". Some chuckles from the other team's parents for me putting the dad in his place.) But I should have just let it go. In your case, a parent is advocating that one player inflict some form of physical harm to another player. No place for that - have the coach walk him out and make an example out of him.

 

[Wolf_Ref]

I would be speaking to the coach and saying that that spectator needs to go. I’d also be tempted to report to the league and possible report to safeguarding officer of CFA.

This isn’t the conduct that we want our youngsters around.

Behaviour like this is rare, but unfortunately the people who behave in this way are loud and ignorant of others’ views and right to play in a pleasant environment.

Only way to stop this behaviour is to oust the guilty parents from the game so that it is a positive experience for the youngsters.

 

[JBeil]

So, as others have said, that's a safeguarding issue which the county will want to hear about, so if you complete a report I'd pop it under 'misconduct, non playing'. I understand why you want to leave it to the coach to handle, but we've got a responsibility to look after the kids in the game, and the county would probably want to help the coach stamp that out rather than throwing the book at them.

Goodness gracious, though, what fouls can he claim you've missed in a game played by eight-year-olds? If they're anything at all like the teams I used to coach they'll be doing well if they can kick the ball towards the other team's goal! Crazy to think grown men and women can get so animated about a children's kickabout!

 

[jofusref]

i think you handled the incident correctly with a strong word

 

[PinnerPaul]

So, as others have said, that's a safeguarding issue which the county will want to hear about, so if you complete a report I'd pop it under 'misconduct, non playing'. I understand why you want to leave it to the coach to handle, but we've got a responsibility to look after the kids in the game, and the county would probably want to help the coach stamp that out rather than throwing the book at them.

Goodness gracious, though, what fouls can he claim you've missed in a game played by eight-year-olds? If they're anything at all like the teams I used to coach they'll be doing well if they can kick the ball towards the other team's goal! Crazy to think grown men and women can get so animated about a children's kickabout!

Agree with everything, apart form the last sentence.

Its their own children, actually makes more 'sense' than getting excited about multi millionaires who really wouldn't want to pass the time of the day if you met them in the street!

Slightly more seriously, helps as referees if we have empathy with all the participants - previous history, local derbies etc and expecting parents to get worked up should be added to that list.

Of course we have to deal with unacceptable behaviour, not saying its right, but ists no big mystery either.

 

[Southerner In The North]

So, as others have said, that's a safeguarding issue which the county will want to hear about, so if you complete a report I'd pop it under 'misconduct, non playing'. I understand why you want to leave it to the coach to handle, but we've got a responsibility to look after the kids in the game, and the county would probably want to help the coach stamp that out rather than throwing the book at them.

Goodness gracious, though, what fouls can he claim you've missed in a game played by eight-year-olds? If they're anything at all like the teams I used to coach they'll be doing well if they can kick the ball towards the other team's goal! Crazy to think grown men and women can get so animated about a children's kickabout!

Not a 100% correct as Academy boys go unsigned at that age and do know how to do tactical fouls 100% parents attitude is disgusting and wrong but it’s not true players that age don’t know because if anyone in the game is at academy they will and to not be aware of that would be wrong.