Next Season

[JBeil]

So, I finally managed to get my level 5 yesterday, but I'm not sure if I want to go back next season. As a five I'll be expected to do some fairly high-intensity games, and I've found that as the season has worn on - especially with eight games in the last three weeks or so! - that I'm not enjoying it as much. I thought I'd had a bit of a breakthrough recently on handling dissent but I've slipped back a little and let players get under my skin who really should have gone straight off, and my last saturday game was constant niggling from one side, eventually both sides entirely lost their temper and I had to bin several players. I walked off at the end without shaking hands because I was so fed up with their conduct, and I was followed into the changing room by one player who'll be getting an interesting letter from my CFA at some point.

All that said, I'm also big into kendo, and while I'll never represent my country, there's a small chance I might get to represent my region one day if I stick at it. Both sports put a lot of strain on my legs and in recent months my calves and knees have struggled, which tells me that I either need to do more strength training or slow down. I certainly don't need the money from refereeing, nice as it is to get some petrol money, and I'm not sure if I'll be back come August when the season starts again.

When you're having these doubts, what do you do, and moreover why do you stick at it?

 

[GraemeS]

I get this relatively often, and I think it's part of why I'm considering going into next season just accepting being L5 and not pushing for 4 again.

I've done this long enough that I think I've spotted the pattern. Whenever I start to feel a bit "meh" about picking the whistle up again, it's almost always because I've done too many games in too short a time. So it's no surprise to me that you're feeling like this off the back of 8 games in 3 weeks - 2 tough games in a 3 week spell will make you feel like you've had a bad 3 weeks, but spread those 8 games across 2 months and the 2 bad games will feel much more like the 2 isolated bad games that they are.

My schedule towards the end of the season basically involved me emailing the refsec monthly and saying "1 game on each of these two weekends, plus any two midweek games this month", and come August, I'm intending to basically keep up that pattern. I also know I much prefer being in the middle than the line, so while I'm not going to turn down lines, I know without the pressure of going for L4, I'll be perfectly happy stepping back to do middles in my local grassroots prem/1st division rather than lines on the county league if it starts to tilt too far that way. So I feel like I have the option of controlling what I do a bit more.

Of course if you do find you're happier slightly less in the spotlight on lines, L5 will probably suit you more. But honestly, my main recommendation would be to just scale back on the number of games, see if that helps you re-find the joy and then pick it up gradually until you find the tipping point.

 

[JamesL]

Take a break. Absence can make the heart grow fonder.

I tend to find this time of year can become wearisome. Lots of evening games where mentally not at best following an 8 your day at work and player behaviour always seems to be worse than a Saturday afternoon. (The 2 things could be related)
But I often can get to a point of having had my fill at this time of year and 2-3 weeks into the summer break I'm missing the challenges and want to get back asap.

The break may also lead you down a path of I dont want to do this anymore, and that's okay.. that's what the break is for. You'll go one way or the other.

 

[OIREF!]

I totally agree with JamesL - frequency and intensity of games at this time of year can be demanding. We all have other interests and commitments so the combination of midweek and weekend games is demanding in terms of time and physical and mental effort. Don't be surprised if you're raring to go again come August.

 

[Runner-Ref]

First of all, you won't be the first or last to feel like this. I'd be surprised if there's anyone on this forum who hasn't.

As @JamesL & @GraemeS have said, doing too many games could definitely be a factor. Some people do have the mindset of doing as many games as they can, but its not something I have personally ever done. When I was going from 7-5, I'd generally do 1 adults game a weekend (maybe 2 if the Sunday League were really struggling) and then a midweek one if needed.

These end of season games can sometimes be a bit deceiving as a lot of them end up being dead rubbers and people go in with an all too relaxed mindset. From personal experience they can be the hardest games of all to ref. This time of year tends to be hotter, so the players & officials can be a bit more frustrated/irritable. They may also be in the same boat as yourself in that they're playing multiple games a week as they're playing catchup for postponements etc. And a lot of these games may not actually mean anything, so the players don't really want to be there.

In regards to handling dissent, there's not really a one shoe fits all answer. My 'breakthrough' didn't actually come to me until I was a L4 and had a more senior colleague watching me. I allowed a fairly verbal striker have a pop at me from 30 yards for giving a standard defensive free-kick against him. I should have at the very least b*llocked him if not caution. My response was to just smile at him as I thought this would help matters. It didn't. This was in the first 10 mins of the game. For the remaining 80 I had 0 respect from either set of players, as I had set my stall out that they could speak to me in that manner. The game didn't blow up in the way that it could have, but it was probably the hardest 80 mins of my refereeing career.

The advice I got from my friend was simple; players aren't your mates. It may sound a bit simplistic, but he was absolutely correct. I had always had a mindset of looking after the players as I didn't want them getting fines & bans etc, so when it came to dissent or what could be seen as dissent, I was a bit too nice with it. The advice completely changed my outlook on it all. I for the most part always had a good relationship with players and been able to speak with them, but there has to be a threshold somewhere. A player will happily try and deceive you to win a penalty etc, so you need to look after yourself. The next season I got my Level 3. I'm sure there was other factors in getting this, but I've always felt that this advice was one of if not the biggest factor.

Once you can get the dissent under control, you get the respect of the players. They may not 'like' you, but you'll have their respect. If you have their respect, more often than not, the rest of it falls into place.

For next season; Level 5 can be fun as it opens up the level of competitions you can officiate it (mainly FA competitions). Maybe look to put yourself down to 1 game a weekend and 2 mid-weeks a month (this is generally what you would be expected to do if you got to L4 & beyond). This will help with the burnout and will maybe give you a chance of refereeing and doing Kendo.

 

[Quarryref]

If you do decide to take a break, it's worth considering registering for next season anyway, just making yourself unavailable for a while and seeing how you feel.

I know a couple of referees who thought they wanted to pack it in altogether, changed their mind (one after a full season off) and then found themselves starting again, whereas they could have just picked up from where they had left off. I understand one may eventually have managed to get credit for at least some of his previous experience, but I believe it was a bit of a palava

I think there may even be a way of formally taking a sabbatical - others may know

 

[GraemeS]

Or another idea - replace some of the games with observing/mentoring. Still keeps you involved, but reducing the physical strain for Kendo and reduces the mental strain of having to manage difficult games.